Army takes strong accountability stance, demotes some reservist general or something

The Army today followed the White House's example and took a tough stance on accountability by "demoting some Reservist general or some shit like that," in response to the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal.

Brig. Gen. Janis Karpinski, whose Army Reserve unit was in charge of the prison when it became something out of Apocalypse Now, was demoted to bird colonel. President George "Mr. Accountability" Bush signed off on the demotion.

"What can I say?" Bush said, "Karpinski was way up river."

Meanwhile, Lt. Gen. "Ricky" Ricardo Sanchez, theoretically the top Army general in Iraq at the time of the prisoner abuses, got word that he was "golden" and could go about his business, free of cares that he would be held accountable for anything.

Bush also planned to reward Sec. of Defense Donald "Armor Plated" Rumsfeld for his leadership conducting a war to pre-empt the use of phantom weapons of mass destruction with several medals and by forcing Wyoming to be re-named "Rumsoming."