Sarah Fisher Announcement Sets off Pants-Wetting Epidemic

Note: Sarah is back in the IRL for at least one race, but the rest is made up.

The makers of Depend undergarments reported a run on supplies early Thursday afternoon as word came out that Sarah Fisher will return to the Indy Racing League on Aug. 13.

As the news flashed across leading IRL-related sites like So Damn Indy and My Name is IRL, the makers of Depend reported servers crashing around the country as Fisher Fans went online to order protection against sudden bladder release.

"I've been wearing some super-absorbent undergarments for the last couple of days just in case," said one hard-core Fisher Fan who asked not to be identified. "Good thing, too, because I was in a meeting when someone slipped me a note that said 'Sarah is in for KY.' I pretty much dropped my water on the spot. Next thing I knew I woke up on the meeting room floor, but my pants were dry as a bone"

Others weren't so fortunate. "When you're sitting in the dental chair getting your teeth cleaned you don't expect that kind of thing to come onto SportsCenter," said another Fisher Fan. "Thank god those chairs are easy-to-clean vinyl."

Fans are apparently ordering the garments to guard against water droppage caused by the mounting excitement as the race approaches.

IRL message boards immediately lit up with speculation of whether or not Sarah would get into a pit-road brawl with IRL Rookie of the Year Sensation Danica Patrick (5-1, 100 pounds). Fisher's peeps insisted this wasn't a Danica thing and that Sarah had no problem with Danica. In fact, they say, Danica and Sarah are, in fact, entirely separate people who have virtually nothing in common except gender.

But Gunter Yugoff, Vice President of Spontaneity for the IRL, said he hopes there are at least some sparks there. "I mean, after all, the little one (Danica) did say that Sarah has 'some trouble with the racing part of it,' back in 2004, did she not?" Yugoff said. "I think I might just follow Sarah around all day and remind her of that."

Yugoff praised the move to bring Fisher into the league to compete with Danica. "Awesome. Given the fact that Danica dropped major F-bombs last week after running out of gas with two laps to go, I think we got some potential for emotion and spontaneity here." Yugoff said "If I hear another driver interview that starts with 'It's a real shame,' I may attack somebody."

The Kentucky race is scheduled to air on Sunday, Aug. 13 at 3:30 p.m. eastern on ABC.