Grief Counselors Dispatched to Rahal Letterman Racing

Um, yeah, this is all made up.

A team of grief counselors descended on Rahal Letterman Racing in Hilliard, Ohio, Friday to help a team struggling to cope with the departure of Danica Patrick.

"It's just a very difficult time right now," said one teary PR operative. "It's like the phone service is on the blink or something. The phones just went dead at midnight Nov. 30."

As of Friday, IRL ultra-mega-superstar Danica Patrick left Rahal Letterman Racing and went to work for Andretti Green Racing. Late in the 2006 IRL season Andretti Green won a bidding war for Danica (pictured at right with her new AGR ride).

"It's strange," said an RLR insider, "In some places in the buidling you can still smell her perfume. Then suddenly comes the crashing realization -- Danica won't be here any more."

Grief counselors encouraged Rahal Letterman workers to share their feelings and memories of Danica with teammates, friends and loved ones. "Talking about it is always good therapy," said one counselor.

Rahal Letterman operatives also busied themselves with promoting their existing drivers. There was some confusion early Friday, however, when RLR driver Jeff Simmons was briefly mistaken for diet and exercise guru Richard Simmons (left) by some members of the company.

An e-mail sent out by one confused staffer asked "How are we supposed to market this little guy who wears short-shorts and glitter-encrusted tank tops all the time?" The e-mail was later recalled after an extensive study of photos of Jeff Simmons and Richard Simmons showed they were not the same person, and possibly not even biologically related.

"This was a lot easier when we had Danica to fixate on," sighed an RLR mechanic. "With her leaving and our other driver, Bobby (actually Buddy Rice), driving a Champ Car, it's been pretty confusing around here. And with this all coming during the holidays, it just make it hard."

Rahal insiders expected their ship to be righted in time for the 2007 season. "At least Danica is staying in the IRL," said a tire changer. "That way we can watch the ring of media around her from a distance and remember all the good times."
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