IRL Announces Partnership with eBay

Note: is humor. It is not true. I made it all up.

The Indy Racing League today announced a marketing partnership with eBay that would "take Indy 500 field-filling to a new level."

"In our continuing effort to broaden the appeal of the Indy Racing League, we've created an alliance with eBay that will let more people than ever before bid for rides in the Indianapolis 500," said Marty Certoffilov, Director of Innovative Marketing (DIM) for the IRL.

Certoffilov also said the IRL would add a section to its Web site called "MyIRLRide." There fans/drivers can access a form titled "Make us an offer." Fans/drivers could then enter a bid for one of the eight or so remaining spots in the Indy 500 field.

"I would say, candidly, if you don't have a million dollars don't even bother," said Certoffilov, who noted eBay has waved all feels for the ride bidding in return for prominent space on a car sidepod and an five autographed photos of Rookie of the Year Sensation Danica Patrick (5'2", 100 pounds). Rumors that the deal also required Indy 500 TV announcers say "eBay" at least half as often as "Danica" during the broadcast (which could add up to hundreds of "eBay" references) could not be confirmed.

"Bottom line is, we have to fill these cars," said Certoffilov. "They're not going to fill themselves. These second-weekend qualifiers can't finish five laps down on their own, so we need some warm, cash-laden bodies in here, pronto."

Certoffilov said a precipitous decline in the nation's "rich daddy" population and a growing number of drivers who actually think they should get paid to drive forced the IRL to look for new ways to attract cash. Honda, the IRL's only engine supplier, said it would do its part by lowering engine lease fees from "you have to be huffing paint to think you can afford this" to "just slightly above what you could every possibly hope to pay."

As for pit crews for the field-fillers, Certoffilov said plans were underway to "send a couple of pickups by the local lumber super center to pick up a dozen or so 'day laborers' " on the morning of the race.

In other news, gamblers in Las Vegas have established betting lines for how long Sebastien Bourdais stays within sight of second place during weekend's Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF) race in Houston.

As of May 4, the smart money seemed to be on Bourdais being out of sight by lap 7 and lapping all but two cars by the end of the race. Gamblers were uncertain if Bourdais could actually lap himself.