IRL Investigating Discovery of NASCAR Playbook

Note: below is 100% fiction.

Indy Racing League officials confirmed Thursday that a NASCAR publication was discovered dangerously close to an area used by IRL teams.

IRL officials said unidentified track workers found a NASCAR playbook in the trash outside the garages at the Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, CA.

"We found what appears to be a NASCAR playbook outside the garage area at Infineon/Sonoma/Sears Point," said an IRL investigator who asked not to be named. "Of course, officially, we don't want any IRL team within miles of the NASCAR playbook." Track workers had emptied the trash immediately before Sunday's IRL race at Infineon, so investigators know it must have been left there during or immediately after the race.

IRL officials would not comment on the discovery so soon after Andretti Green driver Brian Herta inexplicably forgot how to drive and spun at just the right time in just the right place to give teammate Marco Andretti the full-course yellow he needed to make his dwindling fuel last until the end of the race. Some fans have since pronounced AGR guilty of "a total NASCAR move."

AGR and Herta have denied any high jinks. "Marco won fair and square," a team spokesman said. "Herta's spin was just one of them racing deals that just happened to come at exactly the right time in exactly the right place in exactly the right way to help young rookie sensation Marco win."

The investigation turned ominous late Thursday, however, when ABC/ESPN investigative reporter Jack Arute made a startling discovery. In a video released by ABC/ESPN, a firesuited Arute holds up the playbook.

"Investigators into this case examined this book and made a startling discovery," said Arute while flipping through the book as the cameraman lunged in for a closeup. "When they looked at the spine and checked the page numbers, investigators determined that the book had been altered. That close examination led the IRL to believe that someone, indeed," -- Arute moves the mic closer to his mouth to increase amplification -- "has taken a page out of the NASCAR playbook. Back to you, guys."

The IRL declined to comment further on the investigation.

In other news, IRL Passionate Competitor Danica Patrick is slated to sing "Take me Out to the Ball Game" during the 7th-inning stretch of the Chicago Cubs game on Sept. 7. When Sarah Fisher, who is testing at Chicagoland Speedway today, learned of Danica's move, she responded, "Oh yeah? Well, I twirl a mean baton. Sometimes I even light them on fire."