Fisher Fans Demand SPEED Hire Todd Harris

Here's the deal: I made all of this up. It's fiction.

Fans of rookie sensation Sarah Fisher today angrily demanded that the SPEED Channel hire ABC/ESPN announcer Todd Harris.

Fisher Fans said their move came after SPEED failed to fawn over Fisher during a tape-delayed broadcast of the NASCAR Grand National West Series King Taco 150 at Irwindale, CA.
Fisher is a rookie sensation in the West Series where she's learning to drive stock cars after 17 years in dirt-track, cart and Indy Car open-wheel racing.

"A bunch of us watched the SPEED broadcast and, frankly, it could have used a few Harrisisms," said the president of Fisher Fans.

Fisher supporters noted the fact that the SPEED announcers only said, "Sarah Fisher" twice during the entire broadcast -- once while running down the starting positions and again when running down the top 10 finishers.

"I mean, no Sarah Cam, no talking to Sarah's engineer when she went from 17th to 18th, no praise for her poise while she was back in 21st," said an unidentified Fisher Fan, "these are all things that are the hallmarks of a Todd Harris broadcast."

During ABC/ESPN broadcasts, directors frequently cut to "Danica Cam," a camera mounted inside Patrick's car which shows action-packed views of Patrick's helmeted head. "And Jamie Little is in Danica's pit for update reports so often she's starting to just wear a Rahal Letterman fire suit," said one disgruntled Fisher Fan. "I think I actually saw her working as a fueler on Danica's car one race."

"I mean, it's like SPEED treated Sarah like any other driver," said a fan from Ohio. "Sure, that's what Sarah says she wants, but I think Todd Harris would have at least drug out a Sally Ride, maybe an Amelia Earhart reference when Sarah moved from 21st to 8th in the last half of the race. But from the SPEED guys -- nothing."

Fans suggested something along the line of "She's been driving since she was 5 but now she's driving through the West Series -- here comes SARAH!" would have been good at that point, or perhaps "She has her ovaries in overdrive -- SARAH FISHER."

"Todd could totally pull that off, totally," said yet another Fisher Fan in between chugs of his Lite beer from Miller. "These SPEED gomers just cared about the top 5."

In other news, the popularity of sending cars over railroad tracks in the Champ Car World Series San Jose Grand Prix on July 31 has caused league officials to consider installing small skateboarding ramps as part of an upcoming race course. "Two words," said one Champ Car league official, "Big air."

©2005 Bill Zahren