Notes from the CCWS Grand Prix of Houston 2006

Notes taken during the SPEED TV telecast of the ChampCar World Series Grand Prix of Huston on 5/13/06.

Welcome to Houston for the 2006 Bridgestone Presents The Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF). This event is held at "Reliant Park" according to the officail line, but it's really at "Reliant Park-ing Lot." It's on the parking lot between Reliant Park and the AstroDome, complete with a chicane of orange cones.

Early controversy when Sebastien Bourdais dissed the course as very bumpy. Bucking broncoville. After qualifications, organizers shortened the race from 115 laps to 100 to make sure it fit into the 2-hour TV window. Hey, two hours is all Kevin Kalkhoven can afford, OK? Simmer down and be glad you get 100.

Telecast starts with a replay of Race 1, Turn 1 wherein most the contenders crashed so the race was over about 20 seconds after it started. They even busted out the Super Slow Mo Replays.

In an interesting strategy, nobody has mentioned Bridgestone Presents The Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford Rookie Sensation (BPCCWSPFRS) Katherine "Show Some" Legge and we're several minutes into the broadcast. Over in the IRL they'd be busting into double figures on the number of times "Danica" was mentioned within the first five minutes.

Rick Benjamin: You cut the anticipation with a knife and the eyes of Texas are upon the four punted from the first race -- Oriol, Bruno, AJ, Paul. Props to Rick for getting two cliches into into one paragraph.

Mario is your pole sitter. Down to Cameron Steele with Mario. Tears of joy where flowing when Mario found out that Bourdais got DQed from qualifying. Absolutely no mention of why Bourdais' fast time got tossed out. That's none of your business, race fans.

Jon Beekhus breaks the race down -- bumps, car reliability, driver fitness, slim passing chances, taking advantage of unforced errors.

Let's go down to Paul Tracy -- Paul says making it thorugh the first corner is key. Get out there, get some points. Paul has just signed for five more years with Forsythe. Five more years in a CCWS car. Raise your hand if you think CCWS will be around in its current form in five years. Merger, anyone?

Big question: Can Bourdais win from row three? Almost as big as: do bears shit in the woods?

Down to Bill Stephens with Bourdais. Struggled in final practice? Bourdais said no. Everything was great. No worries. Finishes the interview and gets a kiss from the new wife, Claire.

More allusion to Bourdais getting his first qualifying time tossed out but, again, no reason for it given. Maybe Bourdais is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. Maybe he was smugglinc coke in his fuel tanks. I guess we don't get to know. Reminder that last year Bourdais came from 10th to win in Edmonton. No reminder that Bourdais has put a bitchslapping on the field for two years in a row, but then again none is needed.

Let's go to Michelle Beisner ane her cowboy hat for some viewing-enhancing segments on non-race stuff that's going on. Michelle is on a mechanical bull. She has her guns out again. She is highly tanned. Her teeth are incredibly white and straight. The hair is highly blonde. Fabulous. Then Michelle gets bucked off the bull and hits the mat. She's down. We have a spokesmodel down. But she continues with the report. Michelle says "I'm your back-stage pass!"

Rick runs down the starting grid: Mario Dominguez, Bruno “No Indy for Me” Junqueira, Paul “Just Say No to Fenders” Tracy, A. J. “The Lone American" Allmendinger, Sebastien “Why Aren’t I In the Front Row?” Bourdais, Alex Tagliani, Justin Wilson, Oriol Servia, Nelson Philippe, Will Power, Charles Zwolsman, Speedy Dan Clarke, Andrew “Lone” Ranger, Cristiano “What’s” da Matta, Katherine Legge, Nicky Pastorelli, Jan Heylen.

At 11:47 into the broadcast (I timed it) is the first mention of Katherine Legge and that came only when they ran down the starting grid. 11:47! Those crazy Champ Car people are treating Katherine like she's a rookie or something. That's insane.

Let's light this candle. Green-green-green.

Single file into the turn one just to avoid the nuttiness from last race. So the race actually starts some where around turn three. Justin Wilson makes the first of what will be about 13 drives through the orange-cone chicane.

We got drebris on the track. A piece of red-and-white debris. Difficult to say who it belongs to since we have 12 red-and-white cars in the race. Note to Champ Car, bet some new color schemes.

Bourdais into fourth.

The piece of wing on the course used to belong to Oriol. He's staying out. He don't need no stinkin' front half wing.

Let's go to a pit reporter. But wait, the booth can't hear the pit reporter talking so Rick talks over him. Crazy.

Helmet Cam! Perhaps the least valuable camera angle ever devised. We can see how Paul Tracy is getting his ass kicked by the bumps. Video from Zwolsman's car that shows he, too, is getting an ass kicking from the rough track. Major steering wheel whippage.

Bourdais into second. Move over Paul Tracy. Dominguez is now four seconds ahead of Bourais.

Jan Heylen into a drive off area. Sonny's Barbeque car is cooked. Appeared to be stalled, but then he whips it around nicely and comes back out.

Speedy Dan Clarke into the tires. He was into the tires more often than a Michelin salesman at Long Beach. Video of Tracy hipchecking Speedy Dan into the wall with authority in practice. Dan says Tracy "hit my front wheel and knocked me into the wall." From what the announcers say, I think Clarke's real name is "Speedy Dan."

We got break problems on the #11 (Heylen). He's pitting. They're smacking on something in the front end.

Dominguez drove through the chicane (shocker) and is getting a one-second penalty. That'll teach him when he's about five seconds ahead.

SPEED TV has gone to the innovative strategy of filling all but about a third of the screen with graphics so you can't see much racing. Drop down a bunch of driver stats that cover about half the screen. My viewing is enhanced by having graphics in the way of the actual race.

Nicky into the run off. Missed the corner and went over and under two othe cars like he was part of the Thunderbirds F-16 stunt team. Props for not hitting anyone.

No Katherine Legge mention since the opening grid rundown. Huh? Go figure. It could be she's a rookie and not worthy of a mention right at this point in the race. Do ya think? Novel concept.

Right on cue, the annoucners mention that Kath is 13th on Lap 27. She finished 8th at Long Beach, the highest finish ever for a woman in Champ Car. I think Rick was instructed to say "the highest finish ever for a woman in Champ Car" every time he mentions Legge's Long Beach finish becuase he says it about every time. He has retired, thankfully, "Lady Katherine Legge" at least for this race.

Dominguez is out in front by 5 seconds. That chicane-running penalty is kicking his ass! Legge tries to go under Da Matta. What the? Ballsy move to make it 2 1/2 wide at one point. Dominguez short cuts the chicane again. Bourdais is right up on Mario adn then takes him on the inside. BAM. Televised pass for the lead.

Yellow-yellow-yellow. Not sure why. None of my business, because nobody ever really says why it is full-course. Debris, maybe. Maybe because Bourdais just passed for the lead. "Oh shit, Bob, throw a yellow or that's the last we'll see of Sebastien." I'm just speculating.

Under yellow, Mario is back in the lead for some reason. Rick and Jan say Bourdais should be first. So Bourdais pulls out to pass and Mario takes a swerve at him. Kind of a "why, I oughta ..." moment It may be go time! Bourdais engineer Craig Hampson has the "WTF?" look on his face.

There's a piece of wing on the track. Mario lets Bourdais go into the lead. Here Jan goes into some largely incomprehensible explanation of how pit positions are assigned. No idea what he's talking about.

Cameron down with Neil Mickelwright (or is it Nickelwright? My "M" sometimes looks like an "N" on my notes and I'm too lazy to go back to the tape). Said Tracy got caught up with some back markers. Go to an overhead shot of Mario and Bourdais swapping paint right after the yellow. Very NASCARish.

Leaders pitting. Bourdais takes about five minutes in the pit. Mario beats him out to regain the lead. Bill is fully deployed to get to the bottom of Mario's 12-second pit. Says it's an "emotional rollercoaster down here." Dogs and cats living together!

Michelle Biesner! She's in the boxing ring this time. Thursday night Fight Night in Houston. "Welcome to the gun show, baby!" She gives a flex of the tan guns. Then she knocks Jeff the camera man out. We got a cameraman down.

Let's go to Michelle for the Ford commercial. Safety crew uses Fords. Why? Because they have no choice. Somebody has to pay the bills, and Ford is willing, so you use the F150 and shut up about it. OK? (Note to Ford: Love your products. I own two myself. Everyone should rush out and buy a Ford.)

Restart waved off during the commercial. Thank you Race Driector. Although I couldn't get my driver audio to work through Race Director on the Champ Car site. Major bummer. I wanted to listen to Katherine Legge. I dig the accent. Mario might have jumped the restart. No mention of this on the air.

Green Green Green. Yellow Yellow Yellow. Jan and Nicky get together. Nicky punted Jan.

Bill into the pit holding up the actual piece of concrete that Bourdais' car broke when the jack went down. That might be worth a buck-fifty on ebay. Newman Haas is going to do some construction on the pit here shortly. Bust out the jack hammers.

Hold the phone, we got Justin Wilson spin-o-rama in the chicane. Cones flying everywhere. Why doesn't he just drive through it like everyone else?

Legge into the tires! Pandamonium breaking out all voer the course. Katherine was 8th at Long Beach. Rick tells us that was the best finish for a woman in Champ Car history. You don't say. Speedy Dan totally punted her into the tires. Speared by a fellow Brit. That's ice cold. Katherine is on the radio saying Danny should be parked since he was 15 laps down and stuck his nose under Legge.

Down to Bill with Carl Russo. Says AJ has a strategy for the car. He's up to 4th and looking good. Justin has had a heck of a race when he's not putting people into the tires. Russo claims Wilson got popped on lap 1. Says the whole idea is to "bring technology forward fast." That's an award winner for best use of a sponsor reference in an interview. Props for that, Carl.

Legge into the pit without her back wing. They'll slap a new one on there and get her back out for some laps.

Restart. Green green green. Bourdais is on the red tires. Allegations that Bourdais didn't like the reds.

Welcome to the block party! Bourdais puts a big block on Tracy. NFL-worthy block job. I'm sure he'll get a stern talking to for that. When they teach blocking in Race Official School just bust out that tape because that was textbook. Race control will crack down and issue a strongly worded statement that he better not do that more than twice more or there's going to be trouble, mister.

Let's go down to Neil (M)Nickelwright, Tracy's pit boss. Says it looked like a block to him. Paul thinks he's been getting multiple blocks. Tracy thinks Bourdais is blocking. There's a newsflash. Official word comes down. Bourdais is getting warned for blocking. That'll show him!

Jan Beekhus thinks it's OK to look the other way on blocking. Hey, the track is bumpy! And it might effect the outcome of the race if they enforce the rules, so give them a freeby.

SPEED continues to enhance my viewing experience by covering two-thirds of the screen with graphics.

Lap 52. Legge still in the pit. She may be drinking a beer while they work on her car. Maybe watching a DVD. It's taking a while to get the back wing back on. Gotta replace the mounts, I guess. They want to get her back out for some "seat time."

Craig Hampson -- Bourdais is content to stay in second and try to fend off Tracy.

Bruno and AJ get together on lap 63. Much fish-tailing but they save it. Major Dukes of Hazzard driving there. Somebody put a horn on AJ's car so he can play the first few notes of "Dixie" when that kind of stuff goes down. Wait until you see him use the half-wrecked bridge to jump Cripple Creek. Yeeeeee-haaaaaa.

This is the kind of race Darrick Walker calls a "Nicker Twister." Use that at random times this week.

Holy Brain Freeze. Lap 67 and Mario overruns a turn. Locks them up tight and goes into the run off. Bourdais has to be thinking "wedding present." Mario was 2.5 seconds ahead of Bourdais and had a major mental melt down. Does a nice job of whipping the car around in the run off and coming back out in 4th. He got back on the track just in time to see Bourdais waving goodbye.

Will Power locks up his brakes tight and gets into Zwolsman who gets driven into the wall like someone getting checked in hockey. Somebody should call boarding on that deal. Front end is a mangled mess. There have been more lock ups in this race than therere is on new prisoner day at San Quentin. Zwolsman is out and really would like to gesture to Will. Power was coming out of the pit and darted Zwolsman. Not good.

While they clean up the mess, let's go Michelle Beisner for a viewing-enhancing segment. She's playing beach volleyball. Fabulous. But while all the other players are in bikini's, Beisner is not. What the? Golden opportunity, Michelle, to show off more than the guns.

Tracy Helmet Cam. Tremendous viewing enhancement. If you squint and look sideways you can almost see his steering wheel. Smoke 'em if you got 'em, Paul, because Bourdais' car's ass is going to get about 12 feet wide.

28 to go. Clock should be up soon. Let's go to Zwolsman's in-car camera which is a stunning view of what it looks like to be on the hook. Carbon fiber festively mangled and dangling. Striking.

Video montage of Bourdais' wedding on May 6 in LeMans, France. His new wife, Claire, is looking good. KK and Newman are in the hizz-ouse. Didn't see Tony George there. The couple jetted right from LeMans to Houston.

Cameron -- With the Zwolsonator. Will Power locked them up tight and collected me.

Will gets a drive-through penalty for avoidable contact. Legge radios in "What about the wanker who put me in the tyres?" (Kidding. Made that up. But I imagine she was pissed.)

Green-green-green. Big jump for Bourdais. 23 laps to go. Bourdais up by a second. Lone Ranger sends Will Power through the chicane. The chicane has been driven through more times than a McDonald's at noon.

Tagliani and Oriol get together in said chicane. More chicanery! Oriol is toast. Drops the F-bomb right on cable via radio communication with his pit! ".. completely slow down in the middle of the race line like he had a problem an then he turned the fucking corner." I checked the tape. The FCC may give SPEED a call. Or not. NBC or CBS would be majorly bunched up right about now, but since we're on cable, no biggy. Jan says Oriol went into the corner late. No foul on Tag.

10 to go. Haas and Newman get air. Haas has the jumbo cigar in full effect. Looks like a bratwurst. Claire Bourdais gets air! She's got a notebook to do up some notes for Bourdais' site. Maybe she could guest write something for the pressdog. I'd love it.

Heylen drives through the chicane. That makes about 45 drive throughs so far. If they didn't put that in there in at the last moment we'd have carbon firber everywhere.

The clock is up. Second straight timed race for Champ Car. Craig Hampson in Bourdais' pit is the one who tells us the clock is up since the announcers didn't notice it. Nice. Put Craig up in the booth. Craig says we'll have maybe one lap of green before it's over. Say good night, Paul Tracy.

Tag loses his brakes and rolls into a runoff going about 87 mph and takes out a camera cable. He's through about five sets of tires. Nasty.

Green-green-green. Bourdais gets a big jump. Everyone "is on the button" but Tracy is toast.

Bourdais wins. Does donuts. Give the Champ Car drivers props for the best donuts in racing. Way better than those IRL donuts. Fireworks from on top of the old Astrodome. Celebration in the pit. Paul Newman is smiling. Yes, he's grinning. I have it on tape. Control yourself, Paul.

Let's go down to Bourdais -- "We had a fun-tastic car." Props to SPEED for diving right in to ask about the block. Bourdais said he was trying to "defend without blocking." Ah. That clears it up. Bourdais says he got darted by Mario who was also "defending his position."

Finishing order -- Bourdais, Tracy, Mario, Nelson, Justin Wilson, Lone Ranger, Power, Allen, AJ Humdinger, What's Da Matta, Junqueria, Tag-You're It, Oriol, Heylen, Legge, Zwolsman, Speedy Dan, Pastronelli.

Over to Tracy -- Says every person Bourdais passed gave him room, but Bourdais didn't return the favor. Claims Bourdais came off his line and blocked him.

Bourdais does a Castroneves and climbs the fence.

Down to Mario -- what up with the brain freeze? Mario says he was trying to save fuel so he didn't get get on the breaks until a bit too late and then just blew the corner.

Close up of Justin Wilson's blistered hands. Owie.

Bourdays sprays a grid girl right in the face with champagne. Point-blank range. That had to hurt but she didn't even move. Watch it there, Sebastien, you'll put an eye out.