IRL Announces Little vs. Wheldon -- Pit Wall War I

Please note: If you think any of what is below is true you need medical attention. I made it all up.

If you thought Marco vs. Eddie was great, the Indy Racing League hope's you'll really go for Jamie vs. Danny.

In a bold marketing move, the Indy Racing League Sunday announced that driver Dan Wheldon and ABC/ESPN Pit Reporter Jamie Little would hold an exibition mud wrestling match during the coming off week. The match was tentatively scheduled for June 17 in Charlotte, N.C., one week before the race at Richmond International Raceway. The location was not announced.

"Dude, I'm thinking this will bring them running," said David Zwiggleman, Director of Stunts for the IRL. "I mean, think of it -- Dan in a Speedo and Jamie in a bikini. Hot-hot-hot. Three rounds of mud wrestling to settle this whole post-race thing once and for all. We're calling it Pit Wall War I."

Zwiggleman said the televised interview between Little and Wheldon after Target Chip Ganassi lost another race to Marlboro Team Penske at Texas on June 10 inspired the idea. During the inverview immediately after the race, Little had to chase down Wheldon who was so pissed off he was running for his trailer. Little caught up to Wheldon, appeared to touch his arm causing Wheldon to jerk his arm roughly away from Little but not break stride as he headed for his trailer.

Super slow mo reviews of the tape by many racing chat room posters came back mixed. Either Wheldon was "stretching" or getting untangled from a mic cord or ripping his arm away from Jamie.

"Doesn't matter," said Zwiggleman. "Look at all the publicity we got when Marco Andretti just shook his fist at Eddie Cheever and his dad called him 'a complete waste.' It was more free pub than we've had in a year. I almost wish Wheldon had taken a swing at Little or something."

Little and Wheldon were both apparently amenable to the deal. For Wheldon's part, he was happy to do "anything that didnt' involve Danica" plus show off a little beef cake and Little said the match may get "the producers who are always screaming for me to get here and there and talk to him or her off my back for a while. Geez."

Vegas oddsmakers gave Wheldon a slight advantage in the match due to his "ongoing rage issues."

"But don't count Jamie out," said one bookie. "She's got good size, great muscle tone and I think she could kill a man with that pony tale." Reports that the two had a side bet that involved Wheldon's white-framed sunglasses couldn't be confirmed.

In related news, Penske racing denied rumors that it had met last week to divide the remaining race victories between its drivers, Helio Castroneves and Sam Hornish Jr. "Absolutely not," said a team spokesman. "We decided that we'd let Helio and Sam settle it on the track. All we ask is that they try to race in such a way as Andretti Green Racing can see the action from their spot back in fifth place."