Indy Close to Inking Deal with Lindsay Lohan

Note to the hyper serious: This is all made up. Fiction. You know, satire.

Insiders report the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is just hours away from signing 18-year-old film star Lindsay Lohan to drive in the 89th annual Indy 500.

Lindsay Lohan

"Based on the huge response to Danica Patrick who is, for the record, a babe, we've decided to take this to a new level," said an IMS official who declined to be named. With Lohan and Patrick in the field, IMS officials expected television ratings to climb close to double digits for the first time in years.

The official said Lohan's name came up based on her experience driving an old Volkswagon bug in the upcoming major motion picture, "Herbie: Fully Loaded." In the film, Lohan defeats several of NASCAR's finest.
"That's the kind of talent we need in the IRL," said the official. "One, someone who can drive. Two, a babe. Have you seen Lindsay? I mean, woooo baby. She's a hottie."

Lohan has also starred in "Confessions of a Teenaged Drama Queen," "Freaky Friday" and "Mean Girls." Observers suspect that Lohan's relationship with Disney will help seal the deal. Rumors that Lohan would pilot the same Volkswagon she drove in the Herbie movie at Indy could not be confirmed.

There were some questions if a old Beetle would pass tech inspection, but track officials expected Lohan would get "wide latitude." There was some talk about her driving a spare car from the Vision team, but insiders expected that Lohan would veto such a downgrade in power.

In other news, spectators at Sunday's "bump day" will be given a chance to enter a drawing to win a 500-mile trip in an Indy car.

© 2005 Bill Zahren