AGR signs Danica, Expresses Relief to Find a Driver who Really Wants to Win

Everything below is made up for smart-ass purposes only:

Officials at Andretti Green Racing headquarters spent Tuesday drinking heavily, relieved that they had finally found a driver who really, really wanted to win.

The drinking bindge came late Tuesday after the team announced they had signed that rare racer who wants to win, Rookie of the Year Sensation Danica Patrick. Danica (5-1, 100 pounds), who is ditching Rahal Letterman at the end of 2006, will bring her desire to win to AGR starting in 2007.

“She has the same attitude as my son Marco, who if you remember after the Indianapolis 500 was not satisfied with running second,” team co-owner Michael Andretti told ESPN News Tuesday. “I see Danica with that same attitude. She wants to win and that’s the kind of attitude I like bringing into the team.”

Andretti's mention of Marco and Danica in the same sentence did cause a bit of concern, however. Team Danica's represenatives allegedly protested to Andretti that "he said 'Marco' before he said 'Danica.' Clearly, Danica is concerned with where Michael's priorities are."

An AGR insider who declined to be identified said the team had spent months searching for a driver who wanted to win really really badly. "We looked at a lot of drivers, and most of them said stuff like, 'You know, second is great for me' or 'I've always been a fan of third place, myself.' We were about to give up when Danica came along and said she wanted to win."

"We did think we had something going with Jimmy Kite," said the AGR insider, "But when we asked Jimmy if he wanted to win badly enough to pose in some very tight shorts it became apparent that he wasn't exactly that committed to victory."

Given the news, racing officials expected a rash of drivers who said things like, "Second place f*cking sucks, man. You can take your silver medal and ram it up your ass, Sparky."

When reached for comment on Tuesday, Rahal Letterman driver Buddy Rice said he's pretty sure he'll notice Danica not being around next year. "I've gotten used to seeing her motor home with all the shades drawn near our hauler."

Rice did offer to give Andretti Green drivers Tony Kanaan, Marco, and Dario Franchitti tips on how to answer "What's Danica like?" and how to assist fans by holding stuff they wanted Danica to sign.

Late Tuesday Franchitti called his own news conference to clarify that he did not, in fact, accuse Danica of blocking during the Nashville race on July 15. "What I said was, '16 is rocking' not '16 is blocking.' I have a heavy accent. When I said 'Where's the black flag?' I was really saying that I thought I and everyone in front of me should be shown the black flag since Danica was 'rocking' through the field."

In other news, fans of Sarah Fisher held a vigil Tuesday in hopes that a team would scrape together enough money to give her a ride at Michigan. Fisher Fans members said that reports that a returnable can redemption drive fell about $987,987.96 short of what it takes to even walk in the door for an IRL race. A plan to put cans asking for change at all NASCAR concession stands was also in the works.

Notes from the Champ Car World Series at Edmonton 2006

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Notes taken during the CBS broadcast of the West Edmonton Mall Grand Prix Presented by The Brick on 7/23/06.

We're diving right in from the opening seconds of the broadcast with Edmonton Oilers (hockey) coach Craig McTavish saying: "Katherine and gentlemen, start your engines!" Canadian fly over.

Welcome to the Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF). Rick Benjamin and Derek Daly are in strictly voice-over mode. No air time for either of them. When they do this I wonder if they are really there or back in some studio somewhere. Rick: can AJ Allmendinger make it four in a row? AJ saga recap: fired, engaged, hired, win, win win. Rick -- can anyone stop him.

Sebastien Bourdais wins the pole.

Starting lineup: Sebastien Bourdais, Paul Tracy, Justin "World's Tallest Open-Wheel Driver" Wilson, AJ Allmendinger, Oriol "Shake well before" Servia, Nelson "Lion's Mane" Philipe, Will Power, Andrew "Lone" Ranger, Bruno Junqueira, Mario Dominguez, Alex Tagliani, Jan "Van" Heylen, Charles "Chuck" Zwolsman, Cristiano "What's" da Matta, Katherine "Show Some" Legge, Nicky Pasterelli, Speedy Dan Clarke, Tonis Kasemets.

Montage to Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotion."

Bridgestone ad. Can someone explain these to me? The wheel goes round and round. So what? Hip people like the Bridgestones? People who dance in the rain like Bridgestone? Not getting it.

Points battle -- Bourdais leads. AJ is 25 back, Wilson is 22 back. Ranger 83 back.

Derek -- This is an airport course. "Very, very fast." Turns 13 and 14 "are almost frightening" to see a car go through there ab-so-lute-ly flat out.

Onboard cameras. Nelson Philipe Cam (from the nose looking back at Nelson), Justin Wilson Cam.

Ford GT pace car. Sweet. Daly says the weather is perfect for racing.

Pit window is between lap 17 and lap "tirty five." Video of Tracy going ass-first into the wall and getting de-winged. Tracy was second quick in practice before the race.

Let's light this candle. Green green green.

Cue the circus music, here we go into turn one. We're only five or six wide as opposed to 10 wide in other races. We got cars around. Bruno and da Matta are toast. Replay -- Bruno spins, Tag and Dominguez go outside. Da Matta then has no place to go and goes nose-first into the tires. Derek: Christiano is starting his 100th race and "he didn't make it 100 yards." Derek is clearly getting warmed up. So many people spun on the track this weekend.

Michelle Beisner deployed. American Sensation AJ Allmendinger got to shave his team boss, Neil Mickelwright's head because of the wins. Video. Neil does not look that great with no hair, but then again who does? Michelle needs to talk a bit faster. I could only get every fourth word or so she was spewing on so fast.

Restart. Lap 3. Green. Single file this time. 160 mph through the S-curves. Double D says it's "frightening to see them come through there." Clearly Derek was shaken by the sight of it and can't get passed it.

Jan Beekhus with Christiano da Matta -- He was committed to the outside. Had to try and go around the outside. Wasn't enough space.

Yellow Yellow Yellow. Nicky gets around, stalls. Legge comes around the corner and locks them up to avoid T-boning him and backs it into the tires. Knocks off her rear wing.

Lap 6 -- Jan Heylen is into the tires now. Caution again.

Double D says Katherine is talking on the radio. Silence. Apparently Derek thought we could hear what she was saying when, in fact, we didn't hear anything.

Replay of Jan Heylen. "Speedy Dan Clarke or Desperate Dan has been action-packed this year," Derek says. Derek says Dan "drop kicked" Jan into the tires. Derek calls him "Van Heylen" about five times here and I can't figure out if Double D was trying to be funny or really forgot it's JAN Heylen. Rick gives us a lead in for the Speedy Dan Carnage montage. Video of Dan darting and hipchecking people all over the place.

Cameron Steele -- Working on Katherine Legge's car. Video. Putting a whole new wing on it.

Lap 9 -- Still no full lap under the green as yet.

Restart. Green green green. Bourdais jumps on it. Tracy not fooled. Here's on it too. We're onboard with Nelson Philipe. AJ started fourth and is currently fourth. Jan - AJ is battling a bad case of the flu. Wondered if he could go the distance. Thinks maybe the adrenalin, etc. will get him through.

Last year, AJ had his first career win locked up but then had a late wreck at Edmonton. Video of practice this weekend he backs it into the wall. Much hand gesturing from AJ. Next day he did a 360 spin-o-rama in practice but no contact.

Lap 12-13. Onboard with Tag. Ranger is the meat in a Team Australia sandwich. Power crashed on Friday.

Lap 14. Zwolsman is up to 10th. Dan Clarke takes a break from taking people out to turn the fastest lap.

Derek flashes back -- It's frightening to stand in the S curves and watch the cars go through there.

Jan -- AJ and PT dynamic. Tracy is a right-foot braker. AJ is a left-foot braker. Different setups. Tracy is good at Edmonton because you have to be brave here, according to Derek.

Bourdais Edmonton 2005 Montage. Came from 10th to first.

Lap 17 -- Double D: "That was Derrick Walker on the radio with Well Power saying (something)." Sorry, Derek, we can't hear anything.

Video of Will Power going ass-first into the wall at about 150 during practice. Right under the camera. Camera man "held his ground" as the car came in. Derek gives the brave camera man a shout out for hanging in there and getting the shot. Give that man the pressdog medal for valor for this race.

DD -- Racing driver is an unusual animal. He is paid to go fast. Can get into a wreck and get right back into the car.

Wilson third. Wilson may be starting to get frustrated at his five-ish second-place finishes.

Legge is back out with a new rear wing. Been in the pit for a while, it seems.

Pit window is open but cautions have helped extend it.

Visor Cam activated. Visor cam is the most useless camera angle ever, IMO. You can kind of see the side of the guys helmet. I think it's on Justin Wilson who is carrying more cameras than an ESPN intern.

Lap 25. Dan and Bruno are about to get lapped in P13 and 14.

Jan with Craig Hampson, Bourdais engineer. He's scurrying down to Bruno's pit to maybe ask him to get out of Bourdais' way. Hampson says "we got two cars on one team and both have opposing requirements." They have to get Sebastien past Bruno because Sebastien's requirement involves going fast.

Bourdais montage. Long Beach, Houston, Monterrey and the bitchslapping of the field at Milwaukee. Four in a row.

Lap 28 -- Speedy Dan lapped. Dan fails to take out the leaders.

Bourdais on video -- AJ had a tough beginning of the week. Edmonton is demanding technically and physically. Have to have both nerve and muscle. Derek -- have to be BRAVE.

Lap 30 -- AJ faster one lap then Wilson is faster the next.

Jan with Michael Cannon, AJ's engineer. Mike says the pace is a bit slower so the flu isn't kicking AJ's ass as hard. Saving fuel at the moment. When the leader backs off you have to too.

DD -- Tracy is 25 pounds heavier than AJ. Tracy is a "muscle man." Because of his "sheer physical size" he had a disadvantage compared to AJ.

lap 33 -- DD says Wilson is a "late braker." He breaks later into turns than others. Tracy video -- Edmonton. Learned a lot. Some teammates he's had he's had no trouble out-pacing them. AJ is super fast and I had to step up my game. Now I've gotten faster.

Jan -- Bourdais is coming in to pit. He'll be the first of leaders to pit. Not that good though, since the leader generally wants to stay out a lap longer than everyone else.

Ranger in. Gets blacks.

Bourdais had a 6-second lead when he came in, that will help. DD says Bourdais "ran like a scalded cat" for a lap before coming in.

DD -- Champ Car merchandise guy brought three times the normal amount of stuff to Edmonton and sold it out by Saturday at noon. Sold 120 Forsythe shirts at $100 a pop in five hours.

Legge -- into the tires again. No rear wing. That's wing number 2. Keeps it going and goes around to get another wing.

Lap 38-ish. Pitting. Wilson short filled. Beat Tracy out. A PASS IN THE PITS. Holy cow!

Beisner deployed. Bold Moves Moment. Fans got to drive the Ford Fusion on some kind of coned course. Beisner called it the "opportunity of a lifetime" which may have been a bit much.

Bourdais leads. Cycling through has ended. Rick -- Fuel economy may be a factor today.

Tracy is 5th. Servia passed him. Thanks for showing us the pass. Jan said Tracy reports maybe his right rear is going down.

Lap 45 -- Wilson is catching Bourdais. Bourdais' car is starting to pig out in the second stint. Wilson has less fuel thanks to the short fill. Lighter. Faster.

Justin Wilson Shift Cam! Interesting angle lets you see the shifter lever as Justin grabs it. Up to shift up, down to shift down. Interesting angle. Shout out to CBS for Shift Cam.

Lap 47 -- Dan Clark holds up Bourdais. Now Wilson. Much swearing. At least he held up both of them for a while. Keep it fair.

Lap 48 -- Bourdais up by 2.2 seconds. Wilson has chopped a few seconds off in the last few laps.

Cameron with Derrick Walker of Team Australia. Power passed Nelson in the pits. Try to close in on Tracy. Done some fuel conservation.

Lap 49 -- Bourdais now leads by just one second. Wilson is working on him

Craig Hampson -- After the pit Bourdais' car has gone really, really bad. Massive understeer. Hopes that Justin short filled and they can hold him off until he has to pit.

Beisner -- Canadian Snow Birds air show team have a simulator at Edmonton. Michelle gets tossed around in it for a while.

Wheel goes round Bridgestone commercial. Again, I don't get it.

Lap 53 -- Wilson now 6 car lengths back.

Jan with Bridgestone's Al Speyer. It's hotter than expected today. Tires are about 230 degrees. Holding up well. Jan -- some like blacks, some like reds, what up? Al -- Depends on driving style. Would like to have more difference between reds (softer) and blacks (harder) but durability is key. Durability has been good. Plus we have great TV commercials with dancers and stuff. (Sorry. Made that last sentence up.)

DD -- confesses he was in a go-kart race with a Bridgestone exec on Wed. and "got waxed." I bet Derek had a bad set up. Come on, Derek, blame the engineers. Get into the spirit of things here.

Lap 56 -- Bourdais has been passed. While we were yakking with Bridgestone guy, there was an actual pass for the lead on the track that we didn't get to see. Nice. One of an estimated seven passes for the lead on the track in all of road/street racedom for 2006 and we were talking to the Bridgestone guy.

But let's go to the video: Derek -- Wilson comes up behind Bourdais "like a freight train" and goes under in the braking zone. Pretty easy pass. Bourdais doesn't "defend." (a.k.a "block").

Cameron -- Tag pits on a different pit strategy. Prays for a yellow.

Lap 56 -- Bourdais fading. Wilson up by 2.2 seconds now.

Wilson -- video -- What will it take to win? Wilson -- good car and no mistakes. Anything can happen at Edmonton.

Rick -- AJ and Wilson like to face off on the mini golf course. (I think he said "mini" it could have been regular golf course.)

Bruno. Out. Gear box is bloooown up, SIR! Double D says that's rare because the gear boxes on these cars are "almost bulletproof."

Lap 61 -- Wilson pitting. Early. 8.5 seconds. Justin likes the Bridgestone blacks. Led by 5.5 when he pitted. Should be the last pit stop. He's out and behind Kasemets who is about 13 laps down by now.

24 laps to go -- Jan -- Bourdais will pit in 2 laps. Could go longer but the car is such a pig he has to come in and hope for some changes.

Bourdais up by 7 seconds ahead of Humdinger. Wilson 2.3 back of AJ.

Tagliani is into the tires. Boudais hipchecks him out of the way. Left rear to right front. Bourdais then runs over a piece of wing laying by the wall. Rick and Derek says it's a rear wing from Katherine Legge which would be rear wing number 3. Confusion. Where did that red and white wing come from? Rick and Derek have no idea. They think it's from Legge. So I'm asking myself, well, is Legge in the pit or running around with no rear wing? None of my business I guess since nobody explains where the wing came from. It was just laying there. The wing fairy may have just dropped it there. Who knows?

22 laps to go. Bourdais will get the reds. AJ in. Tracy coming in. I think he's like 4th now (and probably swearing). Jan breaks it down for us. Double D -- "Jan, I can tell from your voice it's hair 'um scare 'um time down there." I wonder if we should hold onto our hollyhocks. So far Derek hasn't instructed us to.

21 to go -- Yellow yellow yellow. Wilson is in the lead. I think this yellow is for Tag in the tires. Slow mo of Bourdais and Tag smacking and Bourdais going over the mysterious red-and-white wing. Rick and Derek wonder if it was the wing that Katherine blew earlier and someone just left it lay there.

Beisner deployed -- shows two guys who are on Paul Tracy's honorary pit crew. Holding that front sign deal that they hold in front of the pit box when the driver comes in so he or she knows where to stop. What's that called? The BPCCWSPF is all bout the fan contests. Win a trip to the next race. Win a ride in a Ford car. Be honorary pit crew members.

Nelson's 20th birthday video. I think his birthday is today. Has a birthday hat on so the lion's mane is restrained.

Craig Hampson -- Black tires were bad in the middle stint. Back to reds. Hope they are better.

Cameron with Mike Cannon. How is AJ? Sick? Cannon -- Regained his strength now that he figures he'll be on the podium (most likely 3rd). Got his sarcastic attitude back. A bit snarky, even.

Derek thinks AJ will fight hard to get ahead of Bourdais because he needs to go gain points on him. Derek loves a snarky driver.

AJ -- video. Question about when he crashed in practice and made with the hand gestures. Frustrated? Shades of last year? AJ -- No. Just trying to get the last little bit out of car. I'm an energetic guy. I drink a lot of Red Bull so I have lots of hand movements. AJ is the master of the sponsor shout out.

16 laps to go -- Restart coming up. Bourdais cruises up beside Wilson under yellow to let him know he is there. Hoping to cause an AJ-esque Edmonton brain fade perhaps.

Green green green. Wilson is all over it. No mental fade on the restart. Three wide in the back of the pack.

Nelson is toast in turns 5 and 6. Birthday ride is over. Replay. Lots of sliding in one spot. Derek thinks their is oil on the track. Nelson goes straight into the tires nose-first at a pretty good clip. Car just didn't turn.

Philipe montage. Third at Milwaukee. Fried electrical at Cleveland. He nails Servia from behind at Toronto and they both go into the tires at about 130.

13 to go. Restart is none of our business. We come back from commercial (I believe) and they are under green. Derek declares the race to be a "straight dog fight" between Bourdais and Wilson. Different than a "straight street fight."

Double D -- "Tighten your belt AJ and take a deep breath because it's white-knuckle time" if you want to get points on Bourdais you have to find a way to catch and pass him.

Carl Russo, owner of RuSPORT gets air. Justin has a good car on the blacks. Don't know what the others have for him. In here somewhere was talk about Russo kissing Paul Newman on the lips or something. It was just too creepy for me. Seriously. Stop talking about that.

7 to go. Wilson cam activated. Video looking back at Wilson from the right side pod area. Wilson is 3 seconds up on Bourdais. Gonna take a missile strike for him not to win.

Power to pass graphic on the TV screen is unreadable. Seriously. It's like an eye chart. Highly informative. How about giving us only the top five guys and their power to pass remaining instead of the whole field?

6 to go. Down to Jimmy Vasser. Power to pass. Jimmy said he'd give Oriol $1000 if he used his power to pass on the start, which he did, and he got around Tracy for 4th.

Derek -- Vasser is likely done driving for the year, maybe ever, in Champ Car.

3 to go. Will Power gets air. 6th place and last on the lead lap. Replay again of Will going ass-first into the wall at about 150 right under the ultra-brave camera man.

2 to go. White flag. Wilson is 8 seconds in front of Bourdais and could stop for a Big Gulp on his way to the line.

Wilson wins. First win of the year. Doughnuts. Lola and Champ Car do much better doughnuts than the Indy Racing League guys in the Dallaras.

Jan with Bourdais -- The MAC-donalds car was good. Pulling away. Second sting was complete loss of grip and lost handling. Like to see what would happen if Alex didn't run into me.

AJ -- tough race. Got to fight through the flu. No excuses. Thanks Red Bull and Forsythe.

Jan with Justin who got towed in from the track after the doughnuts. Either he blew up the Cosworth or he ran out of gas. Justin -- Great job by the engineers. Got under Sebastien. Sebastien made a mistake and got by him. Four second-place finishes this season and now a win.

Final results -- Wilson, Bourdais, AJ, Oriol, Tracy, Will Power, Ranger, Dominguez, Speedy Dan, Chuck Zwolsman.

Season points. Bourdais leads. Wilson 24 behind. AJ 27 behind.

Tune in for the San Jose Grand Prix on July 30, 3:30 p.m. eastern on CBS.

Notes from the 2006 ABC Supply/AJ Foyt Indy 225 at Milwaukee

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pressdog's beer for the race is Miller High Life, Milwaukee, Wisc., U.S. A., baby.

It's Milwaukee, so how about a Laverne and Shirley intro montage? 1976 sitcom set in Milwaukee, redid the intro to the series with video from the race. Cast of characters. Shout out to ABC/ESPN. Best montages in the business. ABC/ESPN are beating CBS and Champ Car with the montage stick.

Welcome to Milwaukee. Right into a Nashville montage. Tony Kanaan radio "I have no power." Dario "16 is blocking; where's the black flag." Danica: "Please don't let Jeff (Simmons) get by me. If there is anything you can say ..." Is that Danica asking for some team owners to keep Jeff from showing her up? Naaaaa. Couldn't be.

Jerry Punch, M.D., with Dixon. Dixon: Car isn't so good this week. Try to get some points.

Jack Arute with Sam Hornish Jr. Last week is last week. (He DNF-ed last week.) We can't change anything we did then. Move forward. Comes down to people making the least amount of mistakes so that needs to be us.

Jamie Little (get her in a car!) down with Penske. Jamie is going without the pony tail today. Loose hair in the back. She's getting NUTTY. Points are tightening up, what's the deal? Penske: Ganassi has a real tough team. Qualified well here. Told the guys it's about points and the championship.

Marty Reid, Rusty Wallace and Scott Goodyear in the booth. Can't talk to Chip Ganassi right now because his private plane had trouble. (Maybe Danica was blocking him on the takeoff.)

Rusty - -thinks Ganassi drivers are in good shape. Qualified back in the field but thinks they will be running up front after a couple of pit stops. Rusty has major faith in the ability to tweak the cars during pit stops. A pig is a pig, Rusty, no matter how many stops you give it.

Marty -- Last year at Milwaukee Sam took out Helio. 2004, 2005 Ganassi Milwaukee montage! Ganassi cars hitting the wall all over the place. Darrin Manning, Ryan Briscoe and Dixon smacking the fence. Shots of Ganassi with the WTF look on his face.

Down to Punch with Dan Wheldon in his Fuji Film race suit and white shades. He's gotta have a contract to wear those shades. Key to Milwaukee is handling. Run as much wing as you can. Expect good things from the Fuji colors. Someone took a picture of me using FU-gee film. (show's the photo) "I was at the ESPYs and my good friend Jamie Little brought good things on me so we'll see if that can continue. Hopefully she can give me some good luck today." Hmmm. We've come a long way since Danny did the old stop-touching-me Arm Rip thing when Jamie was trying to interview him at Texas. Jamie and Wheldon may have resumed their tightness. Danny, baby, nice shout out for the Fuji sponsors. The pressdog uses Fuji film exclusively. I'm an old-school film guy and Fuji has better color than Kodak, IMO. I'll grab some Fuji shots of the field when I'm in Chicagoland.

Danica/Dario blocking. Dueling sound bites of blocking. The Root. Allegations of blocking. Dario, what's your position? Dario: looked at the tape, talked to Brian Barnhart a bit. Definition of blocking is coming off your line to impede the progress of someone else. Felt she blocked twice. Talked to her after the race. Had a very civil conversation about it.

The Root: Let's check in for the other side of the coin with Jamie Little and Danica -- Jamie gives Danica a pass! Doesn't ask her about blocking but asks her how great was it to finish 4th. Holy soft ball! Very non Jamie-esque. Can't believe she gave her a pass on the blocking controversy.

Jamie -- Danica has gained 33 positions this year more than any other driver.

Rusty -- Blocking. I went and talked to Brian Barnhart (the Iron Hand of Justice). Explained that if a guy accelerating up on you and you pull over to block him off while he's trying to make that pass that's blocking. So he explained a lot to Rusty. So, you know, what did Rusty think blocking was before he talked to Barnhart? I mean, blocking is blocking. Rusty didn't say what he thought blocking was before he talked to Barnhart and after he called for more blocking in the IRL last week. It's a blocking definition epiphany for Rusty.

I AM MINDY montage.

Miera with Punch. Miera is 5th in points. Six career second-place finishes. What it take to get to winner circle (can we ask Vitor this question more often). Consistency. Have to be a little on the edge here. Being on the edge is how you have fun.

Season recap montage complete with "Cheever -- is an idiot" from Danica at Watkins Glen.

Jamie with Helio Catroneves -- Helio is on the pole. Man with the most poles in Indy Car Series history.

Marty -- five races to go, what do points leaders have to do. Rusty -- Keep doing what you are doing. No bumping and banging. "Be careful but yet they gotta be aggressive." (Be bipolar, in other words). Marty -- That sounds bipolar to me. Goodyear -- you can't get careful because your rhythm goes off and you get in trouble. Rahal Letterman, Andretti Green start getting in there with nothing to lose and might start banging.

Jack with the cut-away car. 5000 pounds of downforce. Rear wing close up. Three-tiered wing. "Here today if you get a car up on the roof here if you could keep it up at 90 mph it would never fall down." (??? I have no idea what this means.)

Punch with AJ Foyt. Super Tex ran here 45 times. Why so tough to drive? "Very good race track. Fast race track. Very tricky race track. Gotta be heads up all day long. First time you relax you end up in the wall."

AJ gives the start engines command: "Boys and girls, start your engines."

Onboard with various drivers, including Marco Andretti's Nose Cam.

Jerry -- Jeff Simmons in the Ethanol Posse are rocking. Jeff has best two races of the year last two, finishing 7th at Nashville. Best starting position of the year this race (6th). Jeff took over ride when Paul Dana was killed in a track accident at Homestead. Milwaukee almost two years ago to the day when Paul Dana got his first and only win in Infiniti Pro Series. Ethanol team hopes Jeff gets a win today. Everybody go out and tank up with 10% ethanol blend gas. Stick it to the oil man! Buy ethanol. Made right here in the pressdog's home state (Iowa).

Arute -- Scott Dixon and Dan Wheldon had some words last week. Everything is fine now. Door is open by Team Penske to get back in it.

Starting lineup: Helio "President Bush Doesn't Like Me" Castroneves, Sam Hornish Jr., Marco Andretti, Tony Kanaan, Jeff Simmons, Ed Carpenter, Tomas Scheckter, Brian "World of" Herta, Scott Dixon, Dan "White Shoes" Wheldon, Dario "Throw the Black Flag!" Franchitti, Buddy Rice, Danica "What Am I Offered?" Patrick, Kosuke Matsuura, Jeff Bucknum, Scott "Lookin' " Sharp, Ryan Briscoe. 18 cars. Fire marshal huddles up with IRl and decides the track can, in fact, handle the crowd of 18 cars.

Let's light this candle. Green green green.

Tony Kanaan jumps from 4th to 2nd on the start. Booth twittering about it. He's moved up TWO WHOLE SPOTS. Zowie! Two spots!

Goodyear -- track is about consistency.

Lap 6. Vitor around Simmons.

Rusty -- today's race is all about handling.

Jack -- Team Revive set the car up to go around the outside.

Rusty -- stock cars run right down at the bottom but Indy Cars would be a lot slower going around that way.

Lap 10 -- Helio, Kanaan, Sammy, Marco, Scheckter, Vitor, Simmons, Dario, Ed Carpenter, Herta. Dancia 13th (just three DNFs in the field from another top 10).

Lap 11 -- Rusty -- Vitor is great. He's tremendous. He's passing people. Rusty reminds us that Vitor is 0-55 in Indy starts. What would it mean to get the first win? Video of Vitor -- feel great for a lot of people including family and friends. Doing all we can to do it and one day it's going to happen.

Lap 21 -- lapping. Lap 23 -- Briscoe is now 13 laps down. Must have been in the pits. He's going (seriously) 145 mph. That's NASCAR slow. 14 cars still on the lead lap. Buddy Rice is the next to be lapped. Briscoe is now 14 laps down.

Lap 30 -- Rusty -- Briscoe is struggling with handling. Looked freaked out in the driver's meeting. Briscoe into the pits. Dead. Done.

Goodyear on why AGR gets special testing. It has nothing to do with the continuing bitchslapping being laid down by Ganassi and Penske. Goodyear says if you have an Indy Pro Series team you get to bring your pro driver to a track and let him or her test. Oh and the IRL driver gets a half a day to test as well. Reward for having an IPS car.

Marty -- Kanaan leads. Hasn't led since Watkins Glen. Only led 22 laps coming into this race. Shout out to Marty for some perspective.

12th place car gets major air. Follow it around the track. 12th place? Why? Wait a second, it's Danica. Never mind. Watching Danica while Rusty is talking about Kanaan. Rusty doesn't realize that this race is about Danica, apparently.

Arute -- Dan Wheldon complaining about understeer. Dixon and Danica fighting for position. Finally Danica's engineer Ray Lito "took the whip to his driver" and told her to get around him.

Simmons and Franchitti for seventh. Goodyear gives Simmons a shout out.

Sharp is very slow. Being passed by everyone.

Lap 44 -- Someone in. Matsuura maybe.

Lap 50 -- Kanaan, Helio, Marco, Vitor, Sam, Dario, Scheckter, Simmons, Herta, Ed Carpenter. Danica 12th and plucky.

Lap 51 -- Wheldon and Dixon lapped. Rusty -- Team Ganassi having a "terrible day today." 10 on the lead lap.

Goodyear -- AGR testing helped a lot. Rusty -- Test sessions open a lot of guys' eyes as to whether to get involved in the Indy Pro Series or not. Let's ask DRR if they want to get into the IPS. No, they really want to find enough money to have lunch instead.

Punch with Briscoe -- Briscoe says the team did a ton of changes overnight. Rear was getting really loose middle of turn. Changed spring early in the race. Nothing helped. Briscoe will be back for Infineon. Punch "Also hearing rumblings that Sarah Fisher may get a chance to run this car or another one next week at Michigan. Wouldn't that be a story?" More like a miracle.

After watching Briscoe go 145 in this car, Sarah may be running for the hills. She's engaged to Andy O'Garza, son of the DRR team manager Johnny O'Garza, so, you know, don't diss the inlaws I guess.

Rusty -- "I've never heard in a long long time of a team pulling off the track because handling is so bad." Rusty, seriously? Did you watch the last race? Bucknum ring a bell? Were you at the Indy 500 where some cars were parked due to handling by lap 20 or so?

Rusty -- Miera is great.

Jack -- Vitor had no ride at start of season. Cut a deal to run stock cars in Brazil for Helio. Now he's passing Helio on the track. Irony savored.

Onboard with Vitor. 23-second laps. Mike Ford is the spotter talking Vitor around the track. Doing a nice job. Goodyear gives him a shout out.

Lap 70 -- Pitting. Marco, Helio, Vitor. Jamie -- Helio struggling.

Lap 74 -- Marty -- No yellows yet. Rusty -- AGR has all its cars running great. Testing sessions helped. (This week's Rusty Obsession: Testing.)

Down to the Root who is waiting for the "first lady of racing" to come into the pit. Shirley Muldowny, pull over! Danica is the First Lady of Racing.

Hornish in -- Jeff Simmons LEADS! Lap 77. But wait! Jeff comes in at a screwy angle. Has to get pushed back so he can straighten out in his pit box. Holy Screwed Race. He's cooked. And after he was in front of Danica. Last year it wouldn't be an issue since they had the steroidal Hondas, but this year he's done. An extra lap down.

Goodyear says he's going to lose "many positions." Simmons comes out in 13th. Simmons replay shows he's coming in too close and tries to turn and gets nosed into pit. Lost 15 to 18 seconds.

Dario almost gets into the rear of Marco coming into the pits. Dario was a little hot. Jamie says maybe Marco saved Dario from going too fast into the pit. Did Dario a favor of checking up in front of him. Thank God for Marco!

AGR is 1, 2, 3 and 5. Marty says "tell me testing doesn't do you any good." Marty is on the Testing Bandwagon. Welcome aboard, Marty.

Lap 90 -- Race recap. Helio wins fourth pole. Kanaan takes off and takes lead early. Marco is moving up. Miera is steady. Ganassi is in a world of hurt.

Rusty is treating the pit reporters like his staff. "Dr. Punch, what are they saying in the Sharp pit?" They're saying he has no grip.

Lap 95 -- Matsuura is out. Maybe handling. That will be the second time Rusty has seen that in his life.

Lap 95 -- Kanaan, Marco, Dario, Vitor, Herta, Helio, Scheckter, Hornish, Wheldon, Danica.

Yellow Yellow Yellow. Debris in turn 3. The booth guys tell us what the yellow is for! Shout out to the booth posse for looking out for us viewers.

Rusty -- TK is good. Every week he thinks TK can win. A little while back Tony went to Indy (to team HQ, apparently) and hung with the team. Got with the engineer. Played baseball with the team. Showed them some love.

Yellow pitting -- Jamie. Marco in and out. Punch. Herta in. Herta has his best car of the year. AGR 2 cars in and 2 stay out. Rusty says he would have pitted for tires.

Jack -- Vitor tried to "snooker" the others by showing he would pit and then staying out. Nobody bought it.

Lap 101 -- Six on the lead lap now. Time for Rusty to go on the C.B. to Vitor . Vitor, you got us? 10-4, Rusty. I am here. Vitor -- the car is awesome. Better on long runs. See if we can catch those guys. Best in corners 1 and 2. Able to overtake more people in three or four, where most people are having trouble.

Hornish in -- Jamie. Hornish said we need fuel. Penske says come on in. Not going to run him out of gas this race.

Lap 106, 107 -- Danica pitting. Full stop. Lap 108 one to go to green.

Green green green. Kanaan gets passed by Scheckter who gets back on the lead lap. He lets him go. Dario around Simmons.

Lap 111 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Ed Carpenter and Helio get together. Helio left front. Carpenter right rear. Helio out of his car. Much gesturing toward Carp. Goodyear says the replay looks like Carp had the line and wasn't driving screwy. Helio is pissed. Much gesturing, etc. Rusty says Ed could have lost the front end a little.

Tomas has no radio. Bust out the pit board.

Jamie with Helio. Chasing him! Jamie says never seen him this frustrated and upset. Helio didn't want to talk (and yet they are chasing him, 60-Minutes like). "Helio, are you OK?" Helio nods but he's going to his trailer. Not going to stop and talk to Jamie. Jamie has never seen him like this. Maybe Jamie should have put a soccer tackle from behind on him.

Lap 116 -- Green, green, green. Rusty -- tires are key. Rusty calls tires "Mr. Feel Goods."

Jack -- Vitor's people say "remember it's crazy Marco behind you." Marco driving crazy? No way. It's Cheever! Cheever is making him drive nutty. Wait a second. Cheever isn't in the race. Never mind.

Down to Punch Ed -- I had the restart. Helio tried to go by Wheldon in 1 and 2. Lost momentum. Helio lifted like he was giving me the corner. Next thing I know he ran into me. Thought he knew I was there because he lifted. His left front hit my right rear, so that's a tip as to who had position.

Rusty -- I can't imagine Helio turning left and driving into his right rear tire. (Helio is incapable of mistakes, I guess.) Just a racing accident. Goodyear -- Carpenter got the whole race car in front of Helio, hard to blame Carpenter.

Rusty -- I'm not a chicken afraid of making a call, that's for sure.

Punch -- Tomas's radio is trash. Joey Baird is deployed with the pit board. Video of him getting it ready.

Lap 125 -- Dario, Kanaan, Vitor, Marco, Herta, Scheckter, Hornish, Danica, Wheldon, Simmons.

Lap 138 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Vitor in the wall. Marty: "Oh no!" Pass out the tissue in the booth. Rusty -- that's too bad. Kind had a great run going. (Maybe if he tested more ...)

Speculation that Vitor and Marco got together. Let's go to the tape. Nope, Vitor is all alone and lost it.

Shout out for the SAFER barriers which Rusty calls "soft walls." NASCAR using them as well. Rusty says soft walls take 40% of the impact off the driver when they hit the wall.

Pitting -- everyone in. Get ready with some Pit Circus Music. Everyone in. Everyone out. No circus music. Sam gets out in front of the leader so he'll get his lap back. Marco runs over a hose! 7-11 guy dances out of the way. One of Kanaan's air hoses. Supposedly a penalty, but don't hold your breath for Marco to get penalized. Goodyear says the hose should have been pulled out of there. But the air hose was clearly inside the box. Again, let's not hold our breath.

First DNF for Vitor since Homestead.

Lap 138 -- Helio is back out. Rebuilt. Playing for points.

Holy Lucky Dog! Sam and Danica got their lap back and are on the lead lap again.

Lap 146. Green green green.

No penalty for Marco. Color me shocked. Rusty -- pit hose was out in the middle of the race track.

Lap 150 -- Dario, Kanaan, Marco, Herta, Scheckter, Hornish, Danica, Wheldon, Simmons, Dixon.

The Root -- Helio is back out with a new upper wishbone. 33 laps down.

Rusty -- Milwaukee Mile oldest track in the U.S. 1903 is the first race. Rusty and Goodyear play trivia for a minute here. Rusty asks when first race at Indy was. First race, or first 500?

Marco on Milwaukee -- It's a driver's track. Always see AGR drivers at the top on tracks like this.

Vitor and Jack. Vitor -- Turned into three. Same way done all day. For some reason it just snapped around. Will find out why when we look at the telemetry.

Lap 161 -- 7 on the lead lap. (Danica is last one on the lead lap.) What's up with Buddy Rice. Booth crew gives him no love. He's way back in 12th, behind Bucknum.

Hornish working on Wheldon. Wheldon lets him go. Shout out to Wheldon for not being Marco about it and racing with a leader when you're a lap down.

The Root -- Chip Ganassi had plane trouble. Private jet is broken down. Watching on ESPN today.

Rusty -- tough sport. Great highs and great lows. Ganassi 1 and 2 last week (high) now are driving pigs this race (lows).

Lap 172 -- Jamie -- Marco. Mike Andretti sweating it out. Hornish on a different fuel strategy. Jack -- Danica trying to make fuel mileage but going to be about 4.5 gallons short of going distance.

Lap 179 -- Sam working on Herta. TK around Marco. Marco fights a bit. Some serious dirt-track steering.

Sam is sixth. Penske tells him via radio to work on fuel. Sam went to the White House. Sam's hometown of Defiance, Ohio is having a parade for him this week. He'll have 250 family and friends at Michigan next week. Photo of Sam in front of the White House where he went last week. Rusty: "He looks like Elvis." More stills that are hard to see. The entire team got to go, which is cool.

Lap 188 -- Dixon in. Sam is 4th now.

Lap 190 -- Kanaan, Marco, Dario, Hornish, Herta, Danica, Sheckter, Simmons, Wheldon, Dixon.

Lap 197 -- Dario working on Marco.

Lap 199 -- Kanaan, Marco, Dario, Hornish, Herta, Danica, Scheckter, Wheldon, Simmons, Dixon.

Lap 200 -- Yellow Yellow Yellow. Bucknum into the wall. Got into the marbles and up into the wall. Radio: "So sorry, guys." Bucknum keeps it up against the wall and parks it right under the flag stand. Good job of keeping it out of someone else's way.

Danica radios that she has a very bad vibration. Asks if everything is OK.

Lap 205 -- Sam is 4th. Dario says there is a lot of marbles on 1 and 2.

Helio is out. Parked it. He's 24 laps down with 22 to go, so might as well park it.

17 to go. Green green green. Hornish into third. Passes Dario.

Jamie -- Last yellow, Marco asked about Sam. Start the theme from Jaws, because he's coming.

13 to go. Hornish blows by Marco into second. Sets course for Tony.

Lap 215 -- Kanaan, Hornish, Marco, Scheckter (!), Dario, Hornish, Danica, Wheldon, Dixon, Simmons.

Scheckter around Marco. Michael Andretti Cam activated! Mike gets air. First time in about a year. Penske Cam activated!

6 to go -- Tony leads by 3.2 seconds. May be driving with his knees.

5 to go -- Scheckter working on Sam. Sam cooled off. Can't close on Tony. Jack -- Sam reports a vibration. Sam was one lap down at Lap 120, now up to second.

White flag. Tony is gonesville. Hornish holding off Scheckter. Kanaan wins. The Penske/Ganassi curse is broken. First time a non-Penske or Ganassi team has won this year. "Well done, boys!" Kanaan on the radio: "That's for you, guys!"

Michael Andretti Cam. Kanaan does the obligatory AGR donuts and almost backs it into the wall.

Jerry with Sam. Sam -- had to monkey around with fuel because had a different strategy to get back on the lead lap. Vibration. Last restart vibration. Not sure what that was about. Slick track. Tough going. Stayed there and hung around.

Jamie -- Tony Kanaan. Gets a hug from Marco (Tony gets the hug, not Jamie.) Tony: Happier today than at the end of 2004 (when he won the points championship). Great battle with Marco. Teammate and my boss's son (I think Tony actually said 'My son's boss' but we get the drift). Can't really take him out. Win together, lose together. Mentally stronger team than when we won it in 2004.

Danica -- Back to back 4ths. Overcame bad qualifying. Finally able to go back to shop and get things under control. Not running around. Now car's good. Let's make it fast. Figure out what we need to do and figure out the car.

Tomas -- Gives shout out to sponsors. Danica never mentions her sponsors. I've never once heard her say "Argent." Hmmmm. Scheckter said he wanted to pass Sam. "I was sideways, doing everything I could." My tires were good and I wanted to go to the front.

Jamie with Marco. NYC car definitely was hooked up. Marco says "hooked up" upwards of eight times in this interview.

Points update -- Sam is in the lead. Dixon is 30 back. Helio is 32 back. Danica 9th and 133 back.

Schedule montage. Recycled montage from the opening of the race. Must have a lot of extra time.

Jamie with Mike Andretti -- First air time since 1999, I swear. Jamie asks him about the whole father vs. owner of Kanaan's car emotions. Tough. Marco did really well. Proud of him. Tony did very well. Proud of him. Happy for the 7-11 team.

The Root with Wheldon - Difficult day. Doesn't take away from the effort from the team. First time had this (being two laps down) in three years. Sensible result for the points. Can't wait until Michigan. I wish it was tomorrow. Wheldon says he has nothing to lose. It's simple, he had to win "at all costs" to have any shot at the title.

Herta with Doc -- Fuel saving. Picking up understeer and vibration at the end. Michigan -- Herta rocked it a year ago. Go back and see there. New ballgame.

Rusty thinks Wheldon, Hornish, Dixon, Helio will again dominate at Michigan which is more of a horsepower track.

Tune in to Michigan July 30, 3:30 eastern on the Mothership (ABC). Sarah Fisher at Michigan. Sarah? Sarrraaaaah. Come back to us, Sarah. Latest reports say it's very doubtful unless the money fairy shows up at the DRR hauler. Either that or the car count shrinks to 17. Even easier to get a "top-ten."

IRL, CCWS Vow to Match Shrinking Car Count

Note: this is all made up. Fiction. Driven by frustration and for humor purposes only.

Leaders of the Indy Racing League and Champ Car World Series vowed today to match each other's shrinking entry count car-for-car.

The estimated 34,292 race fans who still pay attention to open-wheel racing in America have noticed that car counts for both series have dropped steadily this year. Both Champ Car and the IRL currently field about 18 cars. (Actual numbers fluctuate from day to day based on the work load of bill collectors.) Officials from both series vowed not to fall behind in the de-escalating cart count shrinkage race.

"Were here to compete with the IRL," said Rufus McEnders, Director of 'Competition' for Champ Car. "So if the IRL loses a car, by God we'll lose a car too. No way are we going to let them lose cars faster than us."

"The IRL has set out to prove that a 'major' racing series can still put on a race and actually charge people money to watch with as few cars as possible and we aim to accomplish that goal," said Jefferson Smithers, Director of 'Competition' for the IRL. Smithers said projections through the end of the year show, with some luck, that the IRL coudl be down to a dozen cars.

"But, don't forget, one of them will have Danica in it and the other will have Marco in it, so that's the main thing," said Smithers.

Both Smithers and McEnders said the deflating car count comes as a result of a lot of hard work to make the cost of competing in the IRL as high as possible, while driving down the return on sponsorship investment. "When you ask sponsors to invest $2 million to get a $500,000 return, it does wonders for weeding down the car count," said McEnders. Smithers added a reduction in the number of drivers walking around with $1 million checks they're willing to bring to a team has also helped.

In order to prop up fan interest, the IRL is supposedly considering starting a "Who is next to go" game on their Web site. Fans can predict which IRL car will drop out next. Some teams reportedly are one wreck away from calling it quits.

"On any given race day, if we have a 'big one' that could be it for a few teams," Smithers said. "We hope that's the kind of thing that gets fans to tune in and spend $40 to watch from the stands. That and seeing which Penske or Target Chip Ganassi car wins this week, of course."

Both series also report excellent shrinkage among their feeder series. The IRL's feeder, Infinity Pro Series has broken the double-digit barrier with just nine qualifying for the race at Milwaukee. Champ Car has lagged behind a bit with their feeder series shrinking from 28 at the start of the year to 20 last week. "Don't worry, we're working on it," said McEnders. "When it comes to car count, our motto is 'the Limbo.' You know, 'how low can you go?' "

Notes from the 2006 Firestone Indy 200 at Nashville

Notes taken during ESPN's broadcast of the Firestone Indy 200 at Nashville Superspeedway on 7/15/06.

Sam Hornish montage! Marty -- It's been a picture perfect (Todd Harris-ism) season for Sam. Who can challenge the all American? Dario, the guy who calls Nashville home?

Welcome to Nashville Superspeedway, the concrete track. Temps are in the mid-80s. Going to get hot on the track. Much cleverness using "hot" for temperature and action. Get it? HOT ON THE TRACK!

Kansas montage. Radio traffic from the ARG guys. We got Dario screaming for the blue flag running next to Danica. We got Kanaan yelling about Dixon passing him under the white line (allegedly illegal, sometimes, in some cases, for some drivers, perhaps.)Give ABC/ESPN a shout out for their montages. They're the Master of Montages.

Jack Arute with Hornish: Hotter than a summer afternoon in July. (Huh? It is a summer night in July. That's like standing on the sun and saying "hotter than here.") Hornish -- keys are keep it on the bottom of the track, stay out of the marbles, get good pit stops.

Marty recaps the points. Vitor in fifth! Vitor is the man. Down to the Root: Vitor and Panther are the Little Team that Can. Has a new sponsor, Revive. Giant killers. Handing it to larger, better-funded teams all year.

Danica Recap Segment. Danica's dad goes to a NASCAR race in Chicago last weekend. Meets with teams. Says he wants to get Danica into NASCAR. Media freaks out. Racing message boards light up. Then Danica says "my heart is in Indy" then she says want to go where they spend all their cash to get me a win. Will a sugar daddy please report to Danica's hauler immediately? All sugar daddies, please trot over to Danica's trailer. Thank you.

Jerry Punch, MD, had a sit-down with Danica earlier. Danica -- wants to go where has the best chance to win. NASCAR is pretty big. She wonders what the ratings would be the first few races. (With Danica in the race, well, they'd have to be through the roof!) Danica says it's not the right time to make a decision based on money, as in how much she would get paid. If I win I don't have to worry any more (about money). That's why we need to win. (Hence her desire to go a team with Mongo Bucks.) I think NASCAR is harder than everyone expects. Always said if you can drive you an drive. Doesn't matter the vehicle.

Video in here of Mark Martin of NASCAR saying Danica is pretty much all the IRL has.

Punch -- What other IRL teams? Danica -- Penske, Ganassi, AGR. AGR had lot of strength last year. Lots of options out there. Wants to win Indy. Need to be in the IRL full time to win Indy (so doesn't that rule out NASCAR then, especially if it's not about driver money?) Danica says she wants to stay in Indy Car, I really, really do.

Rusty Wallace -- Danica could be a success in NASCAR in time. She needs to stay in the IRL to try and win the Indy 500. Timing not right to jump to NASCAR. Needs to stay here get a lot of practice, work hard, has a lot to prove here. Maybe Rusty didn't mean it, but it sounded like: "Danica needs to stay down here in the minors, put in her time, work hard, practice before moving to the big leagues."

Scott Goodyear -- Chip/Penske are pretty much locked up . Maybe AGR if a seat comes open. (Herta, anyone?)

Other open wheelers who made the jump successfully: Tony Stewart, Jeff Gordon, John Andretti, Scott Pruett, Casey Mears.

Time now for the ARG getting bitchslapped segment: Last year at this point in the points race AGR drivers were 1, 2, 4 and 7. This year Tony is 7th. Last year after 8 starts AGR had 5 wins and had led more than 800 laps. This year zero wins and 37 laps led. Not a pretty picture.

The Root -- Vitor Meira and Panther are plucky. Before the 2006 season they were selling off stuff to fund the team. Got a new sponsor for the rest of the year, Revive (an energy drink, I believe).

Jamie Little (get her in a car!) -- Dan on the pole. Says he must control the race start to finish.

Can anyone beat Penske/Chip? Rusty says maybe Vitor.

Goodyear -- Dan Wheldon says he has to win to have a shot at the championship.

Down to Jamie with Sam who is about to draw out the name of the Indy 500 Firestone Sweepstakes winner. Sam Draws out Frank Catrone from someplace in Ohio. Wait a second, Sam is from Defiance, Ohio. I think he palmed Frank's entry. (Kidding. Sam? Cheat? Baaaa. That's a good one.)

Track announcer announces a sell out. Andrew Firestone, great grandson of founder Harvey Firestone, says "Gentlemen -- and lady -- start your engines." Nice job. Nice pacing. Dramatic pause.

Eddie Cheever is out of the race. Parked. No funding. Marco is weeping. Andretti Green Racing laments the loss of an excuse. Speaking of AGR, Mike Andretti must be boycotting the media because he's gotten zero on-camera air time in about three races. He was on screen every 15 minutes for a while there and now zip. They gave us a long, telephoto shot of Mike a bit earlier in this race, but that's it. Kim Green also got some air time during the Kansas Montage. Dennis Reinbold sends Mike a note: "Welcome to my world."

Rusty fires up the C.B. radio to talk to Tony. "Tony, you got us?" Tony likes his car in traffic. Can you go two-wide? Tony - maybe at the start, but as the race goes on no. Kanaan does an awesome job of this kind of thing. He'd be a killer race announcer, IMO.

Jack the Root down to the pit for the Demo of the Race. He has a cheese grater. Yeah, a cheese grater. An about a five-pound block of cheese. Appears to be cheddar, but it was unidentified. So he's running the cheese over the grater onto a tire to show how the track rips up the tires and "you end up in the cheese." So now you know. Send the footage to the Wisconsin or California cheese producers. You never know.

Punch. Marco Andretti had a gearbox issue so he's starting dead last. Got that fixed and he should be a rocket from there.

Jamie -- First oval for Ryan Briscoe since he got airborne into the catch fence and broke a car in two at Chicago last year. Video of the crash. Jamie said Ryan had a bit of an issue when he got into the car to practice but he's doing OK now.

Starting lineup: Danny "White Shoes" Wheldon, Sam Hornish Jr., Scott "Flying Kiwi" Dixon, Helio Castronevez, Dario Franchitti, Tony Kanaan, Vitor Meira, Scott "Lookin' " Sharp, Tomas Scheckter, Danica "Snow My Car the Money" Patrick, Buddy Rice, Kosuke Matsuura, Ryan Briscoe, Ed Carpenter, Jeff Simmons, Bryan Herta, Jeff Bucknum, Marco Andretti. 18 cars! Nashville officials swear the track can handle the crowd of cars.

Let's light this candle. Green flag. Green flag. Holy jail break. We got little three-wide going into turn 1. Very road/street racing-esque. Somebody gets into Helio. Rusty pees himself over how great Tony restarts.

Replay of the restart. Dixon and Helio rub tires.

Tony up to third. Tony got extra testing at Nashville. Indy Pro drivers get to test in an Indy Car if they do something or other (participate in enough races) so the AGR guy came and Tony got into the car for the second half of the day.

Lap 12 -- Hornish closing in on Wheldon. Wheldon video of him saying there are "one and a bit" grooves at Nashville.

Dixon brushes the wall. Keeps going. Onboard video from Dario's car of Dixon brushing the wall. Shout out to the guys in the truck for getting us the excellent onboard video of it.

Lap 25 -- Wheldon, Hornish, Kanaan, Dixon, Dario, Vitor, Castroneves, Sharp, Scheckter, Danica.

Lap 26 - Goodyear is wondering if Dixon brushing the wall damaged the car. "Will he make it?" Could be one of those slow-motion mechanical deals that take a while to bust. Jamie reports Dixon says the car is fine.

Lap 35 -- Wheldon and Hornish are stretching it out on Kanaan.

ESPN goes through the entire field. Pit Reporter Fest. Jamie says Dan wanted to dominate and is dominating but he's telling his team his car is "terrible" in corners. So terrible he's leading. I'd hate to see the car when it's perfect in corners. Punch says Sam's car is the same car he won with twice before with. TK has the best car he's had in a long time. Dixon is on the radio to his spotter to tell Bucknum in the always-quick Foyt car to "wake up." Apparently Bucknum has become Mr. Chicane for this race.

Bucknum is out of the race at lap 36. "Handling" which is shorthand for "pig of a car."

Vitor tries to take Dario high. Reports he has a great car. Vitor has new sponsorship for the race. Maybe Rusty will move on now and find something else, like Danica, to fixate on.

Punch says first-lap contact made his steering wheel squirrelly. It's not straight. Danica reports understeer. The good news is that in fifth gear it's not so bad so Ray Lito says "use fifth."

Lap 49 -- TK pitting. Says no power. Dead stick. Blooowwn up, SIR! Cowling coming off. Bad sign. Goodyear says it may be the black box/electrical. Pit crew brings out a giant fork and sticks it into the #11 'cause it's done. Sucks to be AGR.

Wheldon lapping. Coming up on Ed "Time of the Month" Carpenter. Losing the front end when he gets near Ed. Finally gets around Wheldon and gives Ed a little fist shake on the way by.

Lap 50 -- We have 13 cars on the lead lap. Wheldon, Hornish, Dixon, Dario, Vitor, Sharp, Scheckter, Helio, Danica, Rice.

Lap 55 -- Race summary -- Wheldon leads all 55 laps so far. Marco up to 12th. Tony blown up.

Lap 56 -- Dario in. Wheldon in. Jamie -- Little wing for Wheldon. "Terrible" and "pushing horribly." Will Wheldon have to park it due to "handling issues?" I kinda doubt it.

Hornish in. Sharp stalled. He's dead in the water in the middle of pit lane. Pit crew deployed to pull him back. Onboard with Sharp with a great view of the crew dragging it back to the pit. The Root says Sharp did not keep the revs up and stalled it. Looks like they are having trouble getting it started, though.

Lap 64 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Buddy is rolling around the track low. Probably won't make it back to the pit. Bloooown up, SIR.

Lap 66 -- Got a glimpse of the pace car. Looks like a minivan. Maybe Hornish's mom is driving it. Champ Car wins the Battle of the Pace Vehicles with their spanktastic Ford GT and Ford Mustangs.

Helio in under yellow to top off. It's all about the top off these days. IRL oval races are starting to become kind of street/road race-ish. All about the pit strategy. Gas mileage. All about the top off and the slash and go and passing people in the pits. Especially this race which has, like, half a groove out there so if you want to you could "defend your position" for about 24 laps even thought the car behind you is 4 mph faster. What's he or going to do, go high into marble land? For viewers, it's not so fabulous.

I am Indy montage. Vitor 4th. Dario 5th. TK back out on the track. Basically replaced everything electrical, twice. He's 17 laps down.

The Root reports that, no, it wasn't Sharp not keeping the revs up as he said earlier, but that the electrical system fried.

Danica 7th. Rusty is totally impressed with Danica. "Been real impressed." If she keeps it up and works hard, she may make a good NASCAR driver. (OK, I made that last sentence up.)

Marty says Rahal commented earlier but wouldn't go on camera. Rahal says he lived up to his end of the bargain re: Danica. (Brought her through Atlantics and up to the IRL). He hopes she stays and wants her to say. I think it would be bad move for her to go to NASCAR. He plans to have two cars in the field next year at least.

Rusty -- One problem Danica got. Rahal running all over the country. Drivers want the owner with them. Some criticism of Rahal going off to watch his son, Graham, in Atlantics and leaving the IRL team to others. Bobby says everyone else can handle it. He has a good leadership team. Rusty says the drivers, nonetheless, want to know the owner loves them. Marty -- Bobby also says Graham may run a few IRL races next year.

Lap 73 -- Restart. Vitor moves up to 3rd.

Lap 75 -- Wheldon, Hornish, Vitor, Dixon, Scheckter, Dario, Castroneves, Matsuura, Danica, Marco.

Jack with Buddy Rice. Rice says two or three times he'd catch the car in front of him and have electrical issues. Jack: RLR 2006 nightmare, any reason it's bad? Buddy -- If I had that it would be a miracle. All trying hard and working collectively to make it better. Bout time we get rolling something happens. Can't do nothing about it right now.

Rusty -- Rice. Indy 500 champion. Having bad luck right now. Been there. Tough position. Needs to stay with team and work hard. Maybe consider going to NASCAR. (Sorry. I made up that last sentence.)

Goodyear -- RL had a chassis change middle of the season. The whole Dallara Change is Evil thing. Blah blah blah. Gotta wonder how long they will drag that out. Until the end of the year?

Dario has a close moment on the track. Rusty says if you hook wheels on these things it can "send you out of the ballpark." Witness Briscoe's fence climb at Chicago.

Marco 10th and one lap down. Marco on the radio: "Change the front wing next stop and play with my tools because right now we have two problems" after that. Goodyear: Marco one of the best young American drivers to come along in a long time. Rusty: "One thing I know for sure is that this cat can drive." Thought he would win Indy 500. Feisty.

Punch -- a year ago brought Marco to an IRL test and he was "abysmal." Wondered if he could do it on ovals.

Lap 90 -- Hornish passes for the lead underneath. Wheldon may have slipped up the track. Last lap Sam 199 mph and Wheldon 195 mph.

Rusty -- Watch out for Vitor because he is flying.

Rusty -- There should be more blocking in the IRL. "That's one thing I have such a problem with watching here guys." Rusty would have gone down and blocked Hornish. Goodyear -- That's cause you have fenders. Rusty -- In NASCAR we do mirror jobs with cars behind us. (Got a race in open wheel, can't use your ass, Rusty. Sorry.)

Jack with Sharp. Was cruising. Routine stop. Three pit stalls later it was like someone hit the kill switch. Sharp impressed with Vitor.

Lap 100 -- Wheldon, Hornish, Vitor, Dixon, Scheckter, Castroneves, Dario, Matsuura, Danica, Marco.

Jamie -- demo on the marbles. When the track gets hot the track rips the rubber off making marbles and you're going into the wall. Tire is thinner than a credit card.

Rusty -- (we've just been talking about marbles) but there aren't a lot of marbles out there, to tell you the truth. Are there marbles are not? Rusty says they will move up the marbles to create a second line.

Lap 112 -- Dario on the radio telling spotters to tell his teammates to get out of the way. Attention drivers: please pull over for Dario immediately. Thank you.

Lap 119 -- Pit stops coming up. Scheckter in. Good stop. Holy Marco! He blew the half shaft. Just turns it in to the garage driveway. Marty reminds us that Marco broke two earlier in the season. Wheldon in. Jamie says Dan still complaining of a pig car. Severe push.

Dario in. Car is comfortable but not fast. Sam in. 10 seconds. Vitor in. Pitting continues.

Lap 125 -- Hornish, Vitor, Dixon, Helio, Matsuura, Danica, Wheldon, Simmons (!), Marco.

Danica, Kosuke stay out. Danica is SECOND. DANICA IS SECOND. Rusty may lock up tight.

Yellow yellow yellow. Sam is junk. Right rear gone on Sam. He's into the wall. Spinning like a top down into the infield. Holy lucky break for Danica. Huge break. Leaders pit under green. She stays out. Gets a yellow. Shades of Indy.

Goodyear thinks Sam just got into the marbles. Happened before. Sam going high and getting into the wall.

Roger -- Sam got behind Meira, tried to get around, got into the gray. Hit the wall. Down to the pits. Tomas -- busted half shaft. Done it when they are new and when they are old. Just racing. Scheckter is contrite, even.

Arute -- Danica is going to cruise. May be able to stay out for the rest of the race. May move up through attrition and people pealing off for a splash-and-go. Miera and Wheldon may be able to make it to the finish as well. Rusty has a problem with the mixture knob in Indy Cars. Wants to ban it, apparently. They don't have those fancy do-dads in NASCAR.

Lap 138 -- Restart. Green green green.

Lap 150 -- Dixon, Wheldon, Vitor, Danica, Dario, Matsuura, Helio, Simmons, Briscoe (!), Marco.

Lap 151 -- Jamie says Wheldon was told to tuck in behind Dixon. Wheldon radioed back that he doesn't "tuck in" behind anyone. Demanded to talk to the Boss (Ganassi). Ganassi said your mileage sucks, tuck in behind Dixon. Holy White Shoes. Wheldon is calling out the alpha on the radio. We'll see if he tucks.

Punch -- last time Danica was told to save fuel she "almost won" the Indy 500. Danica had big thrill at the Espys -- Meeting Kiefer Sutherland of 24.

Punch -- Dario lives near here. 15 minutes away by chopper. Got Ashley, Wynona and Naomi all in his pit box. Ashley Cam activated! Wynona wants the Gibson guitar that you get for winning Nashville.

Lap 159 -- ESPN goes down the field again. Arute -- Ethanol Special with Jeff Simmons aboard is in the top 10 (8th). First race RLR has brought out "all the trick stuff" for the Dallaras. All the kits are on all three cars. In other words, the Dallaras are starting to be tweaked up. The "ethanol special" is rolling.

Dario on the radio complaining that Danica is blocking. "16 is blocking. Where's the black flag? Where's the black flag?" Dario, wubby, Danica get black flagged? In this race especially? After she said NASCAR right out loud? I hope Dario isn't holding his breath. Replay: looks Danica is throwing a Block Party to me. Major sliding down in front of Dario on a front or back stretch. The Iron Hand of Justice will take a look at that. Right. When Toyotas (pigs) fly out of my butt.

New idea for ABC/ESPN montage. No charge gift from pressdog. Have Barnhart in the booth. Close-ups of him watching stuff, looking through the binoculars, running tape, intercut with action on the track and set to Chamillionaire's song Ridin':

Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
My music sold out
I'm slangin'
They hopin they gonna catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty
Tryin to catch me ridin
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty

Yellow Yellow Yellow. Matsuura into the wall. Goodyear says Matsuura practices well. Qualifies well. Doesn't get to the end of the day. Rusty says Matsuura has been pretty consistent. Many top 5s this year. Replay: All we have is the car against the wall. No video of why. Rusty -- have to deploy the pit reporters to talk to Matsuura to see what the heck happened.

Rusty -- this is by far his best run for Danica this year. (I'd argue that was the 500.) Goodyear -- Danica running the low line trying to make Dario go around the high side.

Punch -- Dario coming in for fuel. Short fuel. Get it out in less than 7.5.

Marty -- only six cars on the lead lap.

Lap 170 -- Punch with Sam -- Sam: car was really good in one and two. Loose off four. Pretty good. Maybe some cold tires. Try to get a run on Vitor. Got into the marbles. No turning. Went straight into the wall. Unfortunate for the team. Sam is back on pit road pulling for Helio. Punch says only way Sam loses points lead is if Helio wins. Sam going to White House to meet President on July 18.

Extendo yellow to weld up the SAFER barrier.

Lap 174 -- Green green green. Danica going to try Vitor inside. That doesn't work out so well. Meira goes under Wheldon for second. Goodyear gives him a big shout out for the move. Much twittering among the announcers.

Lap 175 -- Dixon, Vitor, Wheldon, Danica, Helio, Dario, Simmons (!), Briscoe (!), Dario.

Marty -- How about the determination to win? Danica's got it. Video of Danica re: the bad luck recently -- Have to keep our heads and heart in it. Can't get frustrated. Can't get down. Can't give up in any kind of way. Gotta know we can do it. We can do it. We all now we can get there with the tools we have just going to be a matter of time. (This fits right in with her recent comments about wanting a team committed to winning. Or not.)

Rusty says Danica was concerned about Panoz. Going to work really hard on the Dallara with her team. Danica is great. One of the best performances he's seen her run. Run some of the fastest laps of the race. Goodyear -- run like this may make her think twice before leaving RL. Helio behind Danica.

18 to go. Vitor. Goodyear calls Block Party! Vitor changed line to give Wheldon some dirty air. Barnhart is sitting on his black flag. Goodyear is sure the IRL may not like too much of that.

Rusty declares Vitor and Danica the stars of the night. Marty reminds us that Vitor has never won. Zero for 60-some races, I think.

16 to go. Vitor pushing up and had to get out of the throttle. Goodyear -- Danny Wheldon has to do it now.

Lap 190 -- Dixon, Vitor, Wheldon, Danica, Helio, Dario, Simmons, Marco, Briscoe.

10 to go. Wheldon under Vitor. Almost touch. HOLY NEAR MISS. Vitor almost doughnuts Wheldon and just misses a Scheckter/Kenny Breck at Texas moment. Major chest grabbing. We're looking at about three inches apart at 200 mph. Danica takes look high on Vitor but has to get out of it.

8 to go -- Replay of the Wheldon pass. Major bullet dodged. Rusty says it was about like Chicago last year when Briscoe got launched into the fence. "Shot him out of the ball park."

Wheldon swinging high coming into the corner trying to dive under. Dixon is glued to the bottom line. Not going to pass. Going to take a mistake from Dixon.

2 to go. Goodyear -- Dixon just needs to stay low and protect inside. Marty -- can't go around high. White flag. Wheldon high again. Dixon glued down to the bottom. Game over.

Dixon wins. "You're the man, mate!" on the radio. Danica 4th. Best run of the year.

Lap 200 -- Dixon, Sheldon, Miera, Danica, Helio, Dario, Simmons, Marco, Briscoe, Ed.

Punch with Chip -- Led a lot of laps. Beat ourselves a lot. Sorry Sam went out of the race wanted to beat him fair and square. (A cool thing to say, I thought.) Dixon is a good driver.

What a difference a year and real engine makes.

Dixon had to wait to get out of his car until they came back from commercial. Very spontaneous. It's been three years since an oval win for Dixon. Jamie is deployed. Calls the Nashville guitar one of the coolest trophies in sports. Dixon -- car was consistent in traffic. Bent the front end a little bit in a bang with Helio. Fuel mileage was awesome. Being out front it was easy to "protect." If it came down to speed Wheldon would have won, probably.

Punch with Dario -- Long day. Didn't get a proper warm up yesterday because of mechanical. Didn't know what would do in these condition. Got blocked by a couple of people. Danica especially was blocking. Dario says he may go to NASCAR (made that last part up).

Root with Danica -- Been a while. Since Indy last year for running in top 5. I just need a run up here. Get car fast enough to run up here and qualify so we don't have to mess around in the back. One of these days it will be a win. Get a jump on the start, something. We were "pit next lap" and then "yellow yellow yellow" so crank down on it to save fuel. Learned that luck is a part of this. Arute - Dario says you were blocking. Danica. -- Well, I was protecting. Nothing illegal about staying on the inside. I wanted the inside and I kept it. If Barnhart or someone has something to say about it that's fine. I think that being nervous and being under pressure is better for me.

Hornish keeps the points lead. Dixon is like one behind.

Jamie with Wheldon. Jamie says there were tempers at the end. Much radio talk. Video of Wheldon stopping after race and chucking out the steering wheel. Wheldon -- I was a little confused. I wasn't sure if I should let Vitor go or stay behind or what. I was very confused.

Vitor with Arute -- how close was the Wheldon pass. Vitor -- closer than that is the "dah-nit" (doughnut) from Texas.

Rusty -- Lot of drivers like concrete. Goodyear -- look forward to next week in Milwaukee. Lot of wheel-to-wheel. One mile flat track. Drivers play a big role in that.

Tune in July 23, 1:30 p.m. Eastern on ESPN for the Milwaukee Mile.

IRL Fears Anti-Pig Movement Among Drivers

Note to the slow: below is all (at least mostly) fiction.

Indy Racing League officials Friday worried that fewer and fewer people in the world were willing to drive race cars that have virtually no chance of winning.

A decline in the demand among drivers for ill-handling, under-funded, just-plain-bad cars -- known in the business as "pigs" -- could greatly damage the league's ability to put more than 10 cars on the track at any given time.

"If people start refusing to drive pigs, we'll have kiosks at the mall with signs that say 'Ever think of driving an Indy Car?' that let people fill out driver employment applications online. It won't be pretty."

Speaking of pretty, IRL Rookie of the Year Sensation Danica Patrick (5-1, 100 pounds) is among the latest to express her desire to be in a car that has a reasonable chance of winning. Patrick's contract with her current team, Rahal Letterman Racing, is up at the end of the season and she's looking for a new ride that doesn't have two boat anchors dragging behind it.

"My biggest thing in everything is that I want to win, and I don't care who it's with," Patrick said in an actual article by the Associated Press on July 13. "I just want people that are going to give me the opportunity and spend every last dollar they have to make the car go faster and every last second they have on making it faster."

Patrick isn't the only driver who is unwilling to drive cars with no shot at winning. Fellow female Sarah Fisher, who isn't even in the league any more and whose racing career is at a standstill, reportedly turned down a ride in a pig of a car for the Indy 500. Fisher reportedly saw no career gain in getting in a car that, even with God himself driving, would finish five laps down. And as an added bonus, Fisher would get treated to a week of physical comparisons between her and Danica.

Driver Patrick Carpentier also declined a ride for the 500 saying he thought he should actually get paid to drive, rather than the other way round. Typically, the honor of driving a pig in the back of the 500 field goes to the drivers who can bring the most sponsor or personal cash with them.

More and more drivers also seem reluctant to drive pig cars out on the ragged edge -- thereby risking physical injury -- order to finish 12th out of 18 cars. "Risking putting it into the wall by driving out of your mind in order to get 11th? Um, no thanks," said one driver who asked not to be named.

"It's a very worrying trend," said Archie Debriscatcher, Director of "Competition" for the IRL. "If we rule out the cars that have no shot at winning, we're left with about six, maybe eight cars in the field. Kind of a sellers' market for those rides, but for the rest, we're approaching 'warm-body' level.

Debriscatcher did point out that a lot of teams are doing just what Danica asked -- spending every last dollar on the car -- but the problem is they only have roughly $247 dollars to spend. "They spend all 247 of them on making the car go fast, though."

In other news, industry insiders speculated that a Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF) decision not to race at the Milwaukee Mile in 2007 was prompted by a threatened class action lawsuit by fans who attended the 2006 race there.

According to rumor, some 2,738 fans were contemplating filing a "false imprisonment" charge against the BPCCWSPF for making them endure a timed oval race that featured one car lapping the field and extended cautions for no apparent reason.

Discovery of Krispy Kreme Box Concerns IRL

Note to the low IQ -- everything below is made up

Indy Racing League officials said Wednesday they are treating the discovery of an empty Krispy Kreme doughnut box near Danica Patrick's motor home "as an issue of grave concern."

"Frankly, this has sent a ripple of terror throughout the Indy Racing League," said Bernie Jameson, director of security for the IRL. "The implications of finding a dozen-doughnut box -- empty -- within a square mile of Danica makes us all want to tweak up our resumes."

Jameson explained that with Danica (5-1, 100 pounds) running in the middle of the field these days, "protecting her hotness becomes even more important."

"It's obvious that Danica is only a few dozen Krispy Kremes away from being less hot than she is right now, and we just can't have that," said Mary Alfanso, marketing manager for the IRL. "If Danica were to pack on 25 pounds -- ballooning up to, say, 125 pounds total -- she's suddenly less hot and less hot equals less publicity which equals less job security for a lot of us."

IRL officials said the firestorm of media coverage stirred up when Danica's father and manager, TJ Patrick, mentioned he wanted Danica to drive in NASCAR was a "wake-up call for us all."

"They passed out air-sick bags and Dramamine to everyone at IRL headquarters," said Alfanso. "That wasn't because we were in danger of losing someone who is 12th in points and 141 points behind the leader. That was because we were in danger of losing the league-leading hotty."

League officials said they have tactfully raised the question of the empty Krispy Kreme box with Danica's people and been assured that it was not hers. "They assured us she remains on the wheatgrass and organic produce, so we're relieved. There is a lot riding on Danica's abs." League officials have also executed an agreement in which Danica promises to consult with league leaders on any contemplated grooming or wardrobe changes in return for some handsome compensation.

In other news, TJ Patrick touched off a firestorm of media when he visited the Churchill Downs horse track and talked openly about Danica's desire to become a jockey.

Notes from the 2006 Champ Car Molson Grand Prix of Toronto

Notes taken during the CBS broadcast of the Molson Grand Prix of Toronto on 7/9/06.

Welcome to Toronto. It's a street fight. Rollerball on wheels. Bourdais, AJ, Tracy montage. Everyone has something to prove. It's the Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF).

Recap -- Bourdais won first four. AJ the next two. Paul Tracy has a chance to win one, maybe. Rest of the field, probably not.

Video of Tracy going everywhere on the track, including over the top of Bourdais.

Cleveland circus music montage. Carnage. Car shrapnel everywhere. People kicking up dirt, plowing with the front wings.

Rick Benjamin -- The question is what's going to happen to Paul Tracy, the THRILL FROM WEST HILL.?

Tracy -- been real rough aside from Houston. Looking forward to Toronto.

Derek Daly and Rick on camera. Double D -- P.T. under intense pressure. Having a miserable year, "crashing all sorts of cars." Video of PT putting Kasemets into the wall in warm up. That's a warm up of a sort for Paul. He needs to practice hipchecking people into the wall. He needs to be ready when the chance comes up on the course.

DD -- AJ has been slapping everybody around ever since RuSPORT fired him.

That decision is looking better and better all the time!

Jan Beekhus deployed in the pits. Video of P.T. going over Bourdais. Cannot get enough of this video.

Cameron Steele with Justin Wilson. Pole-sitter. Justin -- Being on the pole doesn't guarantee anything. Wilson has finished second four times. Little bit of luck and stay out of trouble and he might win. Justin won it at Toronto last year. Or was it the year before?

"I feel lucky" musical montage.

Michelle Beisner deployed. Has her sleeves on again. Guns hidden. Says Exhibition Place in Toronto very historical. Wars fought here. High tech machinery racing through historic ground.

Staring Lineup: Justin "World's Tallest Open Wheel Driver" Wilson, AJ "The Lone American" Allmendinger, Paul "Rage Issues" Tracy, Oriol "Shake Well before" Servia, Andrew "The Lone" Ranger, Nelson "Lion's Mane" Philipe, Christiano "What's" da Matta, Bruno "Metal Detector" Junqueira, Alex "Freeze" Tagliani, Mario "The Other One" Dominguez, Will "Mr. Discipline" Power, Jan "No Nickname" Heylen, Chuck "Big Z" Zwolsman, Katherine "Show Some" Legge, Speedy Dan Clarke, Tonis Kasemets. 17 whole cars!

No word on the abscence of Nicky Pastorelli. I may have missed it, but I don't believe they said anything about it. He missed the race due to a sponsor pulling out. That, however, is none of our business. Little things like an entire car not making the starting lineup won't be mentioned. Why be a negative nelly? CBS's job isn't to inform viewers, but to make the BPCCWSPF look as good as it can, apparently.

Pre-race. Candian armed forces in Afghanistan gives us the "start your engines." Word to your Candian armored posse. It would have been cool if they would have shot off the tank's gun after they said it. That's what I'm talking about, bay-bee. God I love those Canucks.

Derek breaks it down -- one of the shortest road courses at 1.7 miles, very abrasive, very boompy (bumpy). One of the best street circuits they run.

Jan -- Alex Tag crashed this morning and had to go to the backup.

Let's light this candle. Green, green, green.

No wrecks in turn one! Derek -- "We're safe!" No wrecks in two. Derek -- "We're safe again!" No wrecks in three. DD -- "Remarkably, we're still safe!"

Derek -- Tracy is under pressure to perform here. Didn't want to make any dumb moves on the first corner. Good for him.

Lap 3 -- Jan -- PT doesn't like the Bridgestone red sidewall tires. Only driver to go slower on the reds.

Derek -- Tracy may have been over-driving on the reds. Other drivers are .5 seconds faster on the reds. Paul Tracy may just be over-driving.

DaMatta has struggled in the RuSPORT #10. (The guy who used to drive the #10 is doing OK, though.)

Jan -- Mario has contact on the first lap (color me shocked). Pitting. Replacing the front wings.

Wilson leads. AJ in second.

Lap 5 -- Wilson, AJ, Bourdais, Tracy, Nelson, Servia, Ranger, Junk.

DD -- Concrete walls are freaking him out. Have to have concentration between the walls.

Rick -- Lack of yellows. Are they being more conservative? Derek theorizes that the wide-open spaces at places like Cleveland make drivers brave. Walls help them get real.

Lap 6 -- Wilson still leads.

Lap 9 -- Legge and Clarke battle for 14th! Legge goes under Heylen, Heylen turns in. Legge's nose clips Jan's right rear. We got spinnage. Speedy Dan gets through and then stalls it. Yellow yellow yellow. Cars everywhere. Derek -- "We got a car park down here."

Pace car is out. Derek says it's a "gorgeous Ford GT. What a pace kerrrrrr to have at these Champ Car events."

Michelle Beisner. Guns covered again. She's by the CN Tower. Low angle so you can see the CN Tower above her. They've succeeded in making Michelle look bad. Everything happens within sight of the CN Tower. GP of Toronto activities held down there. Montage.

Lap 11-ish. Wilson, Bourdais, Tracy, Ranger, all pit.

Nelson leads, then Servia, Bruno, AJ, Wilson, Bourdais, Tracy. (Wilson gets passed by AJ in the pits. Media alerted.)

Lap 12 -- Green. Everyone streams around Kasemets.

Derek declares "This is white knuckle stuff here." Coaches us through a turn. "Now brake, brake, downshift, balance, balance, ... " Derek may be flashing back to his driving days.

Lap 14 -- Bourdais and Wilson touch.

DD -- "This is hold onto your hollyhocks time whenever Tracy gets into the back of someone you better be prepared for something to fly off a car. Paul Tracy almost never backs off." Let the record show the HHH reference was on Lap 14.

Derek is clearly warmed up now. Calls AJ a "fireball" and Tracy "the fireball's teammate."

Lap 16 -- yellow yellow yellow. Speedy Dan is sideways and stalled. Replay shows Zwolsman trying to get inside Kasemets who is Mr. Chicane at this point. Zwols didn't see Speedy Dan. Contact ensued.

Dan Clarke Cleveland Flashback to his last-lap brain melt down. Passes Mario, lights the tires, gets sideways, takes them both out, then can't get it going again. Does random donuts and then just pounds the steering wheel -- "We gave him the dunce cap for this move here," Derek says.

DD reminds us that "marbles" are rolled up pieces of ruuuber from the tyres. Marbles are bad because they make your car slide and become uncontrollable.

Nelson and Servia, who stayed out under the first yellow, stay out under yellow. Much speculation and second-guessing on the strategy.

Down to Jan with Michael Cannon, AJ's engineer. Mike says they have to stop one more time. People they are racing with -- Justin, Paul Tracy -- are in the same boat so it's all good.

Lap 18 -- green. Lap 21 Bourdais right up Wilson's rear wing in the brake zone. He may have a bet with his pit if he can tough him with his car's nose but not screw them both up.

Nelson locks up the left side giving Derek an opening to go off about the dangers of "flat spots." He doesn't telestrate a flat spot for us this time, however.

Heylen is like a 1945 electric powerplant --- slow and off line.

Nelson montage -- Milwaukee getting third, Cleveland led late and then had some electrical issues. DD - "When he came to Champ Car people thought 'another snotty-nosed rich kid with daddy's money let's take advantage of him.' He has proven himself."

Allmendinger is second. CBS tries to show us a replay of him passing for second, but instead we see a replay of AJ passing a lapped car. Gripping. Note to Champ Car -- we need more red and white cars that way the entire field could look alike, as opposed to just half the field looking very similar.

Bruno says his engine is sounding funny. Telemetry shows no issues.

Nelson is matching AJ for fast laps.

Down to Vince Kramer, Nelson Philipe's team manager. Vince is telling Nelson to take care of his car. Doesn't think anyone can make it on two stops.

Lap 31 -- Video of Nelson in a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. Says it's a long race. Just wants to get through turn 1. Feel really, really confident and is aiming for a podium.

Radio to Nelson who is leading -- "Nice and smooth, big guy. Nice and smooth. You're the man."

Rick -- Is Bourdais feeling pressure to stop the American? DD -- Bourdais is in a real fight. (Many people, it seems, are in a "real fight" according to Derek. Virtually everyone on the track is in a "real" a "straight" or a "street" fight.) Bourdais is still trying to get an F1 test.

Lap 35 -- Jan -- expect pitting in the next lap or two. Oriol has a tire going down, will pit now.

Lap 36 -- Nelson pitting. 11.7 second stop. Derek says that was maybe 1.5 longer than they wanted.

Lap 40. AJ, Nelson, Wilson, Bourdais, PT.

Derek does some telestration of the suspension. Drawing a shock absorber on the screen. He's a telestrator wildman.

Jan with Speedy Dan. Dan says he was moving in on fellow rookie Chuck Zwolsman. Chuck reacted and drove into me. That kind thing can happen when race against other rookies. Derek says Zwolsman was making a move on Kasemets and had no idea Dan was there until too late.

Tracy passes Wilson.

Lap 42 -- Jan -- Tracy loves the black sidewall tires. Derek declares that "Tracy is on fire."

Cameron -- Bourdais says he might have front wing issues. Car is loose. Bourdais passes Tagliani. Bourdais is working on Wilson. Wilson is loose when he gets on the power.

Bourdais is about to pass so let's go to the pits so we can watch Tag's stop. ?? Much better than watching someone pass on the course! My viewing is enhanced.

Let's go to the replay to watch the pass we missed when we were watching Tag in the pit. Bourdais goes around Wilson and waves goodbye.

Wilson pitting. Cameron reports talking to Carl Russo off camera. No camera time for Russo this race. He set the record last couple races he can go hungry this race, I guess.

AJ and Tracy are going to pit at the same time. Derek says the black sidewall tires are out. He uses the telestrator to circle a tire laying out in the pits just in case we don't know what a tire looks like.

Everyone in. Bourdais in too. AJ out first. PT then Bourdais. Servia leads by 8 seconds. AJ and PT are on the same tires and fuel. Servia is now up by 10 seconds. Nelson is second.

Michelle -- Reports on Tess Brelia, a 7-year mechanic and front tire changer for Nelson's car. Flings the 20-pound tires around pretty good. Probably has guns like Michelle.

Bridgestone Round and Round ad. Can someone explain these ads to me? If I'm a very cool dancer person I should buy Bridgestones?

Lap 55 -- Oriol pitting. Video of he and Tag hipchecking. Da Matta getting passed.

Lap 56 -- DD -- Ranger is in a crap here (maybe it's a fight, or a street fight). He's in a street fight (I called it!) with Servia and Da Matta.

Lap 59 -- AJ second. Nelson leads. Raise your hand if you think that will last.

Last American to win three straight in Champ Car was Little Al Unser in 1994. Those were significantly different times, however.

Nelson radios that his tires are going off. Derek says Nelson is in "hang-on mode here."

Derek is as impressed with Nelson and what he's done in the last four races as he is with AJ.

Lap 63 -- Jan -- Nelson will be in in two laps. DD -- "Track position is so vital here." Derek, name me a street/road course where track position isn't basically everything.

Derek -- "When Philipe peals off to pit, roll up your sleeves here" because PT and AJ are going to brawl. Nelson in. 8.7 seconds. Nelson has a sports psychologist. Listens to inspirational music before races.

Recap of AJ -- fired, engaged, hired, win.

Michelle -- Big ticket is the drivers' party on Saturday night. She's going with Cedric the Entertainer.

AJ leads by 2.8. Lap 69 -- Katherine Legge is toast. Looks kind of pissed in her pit. KK is in the tent. Replay shows her getting into the marbles and slapping the wall. Down to Katherine -- Not sure what happened. Something broke and understeered and became obvious she was not going to make the corner. Coming together with Jan in the first lap wasn't good. "We'll get there. It's just frustrating."

71 -- Tag pits. Ranger is 7th. MiJack is the meat in a Forsythe sandwich on the track.

Cosworth Power to Pass graphic is totally unreadable. If the names were smaller, it wouldn't even be an eye chart. My viewing is enhanced!

DD -- AJ knows he has the speed to win. Just has to make sure he doesn't get in trouble with lapped traffic.

The THRILL FROM WEST HILL. Tracy is the biggest star name in Champ Car, according to Derek.

Lap 75 -- Down to Neil Mickelwright. Both Forsythe cars can make it. If AJ wins Mickelwright has to shave his head.

10 to go. Yellow-yellow-yellow. Nelson and Oriol are junk. Nelson drove into the back of Servia and they both went smacking off the wall and into the tires. What the? Derek -- "Servia gets it all wrong."

7 to go. Nelson with the hair blowing stunningly in the wind, standing by the safety vehicle, having some water. Oriol with the "WTF?" look on his face.

Jan pulls out some Nietzsche "what doesn't kill ya ..."

Vince Kremer -- Team Mgr with CTE Racing HVM. We needed that position. Looked like we might have a run on him. Hard to tell.

Not real hard to tell that your guy ass-ended Servia. Seems pretty clear. DD speculates that Nelson ran down inside where there are lots of marbles and he couldn't brake very well so he got into the back of Oriol.

Ranger comes out of the pits clapping. For the audience? Might be his last race for a while. Stories of sponsor trouble. Shocker.

Rick -- will AJ be the first American driver since Al Jr. to "turn the trick" and win three in a row? TURN THE TRICK. Somewhere Todd Harris is smiling. Let's hope AJ doesn't turn the trick right on TV.

5 to go. As far as who will win this, this has all the drama of Italy vs. Iceland in soccer. Oh, the drama. Still, Derek is trying to milk it for all it's worth.

"For those of you at home, move back from your television screen because we got five to two and Tracy is a man on a mission right now."

Tracy better worry about Bourdais because he's all up in his mirrors.

Two to go. Holy pigeons! We got birds on the track. They just sit there as AJ swerves around them and finally move when Tracy comes up on them. They must have heard about Tracy. Derek declares that the birds cost Tracy .3 of a second.

White flag. AJ mom and dad get air. His dad is all decked out in the Forsythe racing colors.

AJ wins. Pit guy holds up "We got a hat trick" sign. AJ on the radio -- "You guys, oh my god you guys are amazing." No F bombs this time! Well done.

AJ does donuts. Tracy is second. Down to AJ getting out of the car. Says the whole Forsythe team is absolutely beautiful. Forsythe 1-2, not a RuSport 1-2. I don't think so. (Wait a second, that was definitely a pop on Carl who kept saying it was a RuSport 1-2 when AJ and Wilson were fighting it out in the last two races.) Michael Cannon gets a shout out. Looking forward to Edmonton. May move to Toronto. AJ's fiance is from Toronto.

Note to Carl: it might have been the team, not the driver. Just a thought.

Atlantics montage. We got cars everywhere. Standing start to carnage in the first corner. Circus music. Rahal gets darted. Bobby will be pissed. Note to Bobby: you got an IRL team as well, Sparky.

Cameron with P.T. Good race for him. 1-2 for Forsythe is as good as it gets. Final 5 laps he didn't have enough push to pass left to challenge AJ.

Video of Tracy passing Bourdais. I think this is makeup video because I don't recall seeing it during the race. Bourdais getting passed by Tracy is video worthy. They must have been following Nelson at the time or something.

Jan with Bourdais -- third place car. Took what he could get. Tried to pass on last restart but couldn't get 'er done. Tried to give Tracy room. When Tracy is toward the front he's not as crazy. When he's in 5th or 6th he tends to be more aggressive.

Congrats to Bourdais for being named "driver of the quarter." Who named him that, what organization, is none of our business. Could have been the Toronto Boy Scouts giving him the award for all we know. He is, though, driver of the quarter as judged by someone.

Finish -- AJ, Tracy, Bourdais, Wilson, da Matta, Tag, Power, Junk, Zwols, Ranger, Dominguez, Servia, Nelson, Legge, Kasemets, Heylen, Clark.

Tune in at noon central on July 23 for the Edmundon Hold Onto Your Holyhocks Straight Street Fight.