Notes from the 2006 Champ Car World Series Race at Cleveland

Notes from the CBS broadcast of the Grand Prix of Cleveland presented by U.S. Bank 6/25/06.

Welcome to Cleveland, home of the Airport Grand Prix which is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year. Since 1982, great names in CART have raced at Cleveland. Why? Because it's a 185 mph festival of speed, baby. It's the Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF).

A.J. Allmendinger montage. To recap: AJ fired. AJ engaged. AJ hired. AJ wins. Bonus Father's Day reference! The 128 Father's Day references they had last week weren't enough. Squeeze another in.

Rick Benjamin and Derek "They're Always After Me Lucky Charms" Daly ON CAMERA. Hold onto your hollyhocks, Derek and Rick are on camera at the same time. Fab. Double D is looking fit. Rick declares this perfect day for Champ Car racing. Paul Tracy won last year. Let's not hold our breath for a repeat.

A.J. "World Swinging from My Man Parts" Allmendinger is on the pole. Why not? DD on how Paul Tracy has been struggling to find speed. Video of AJ turning his car into a "high speed lawn mower." Video of people sliding around and doing crazy shit.

Down to Jan Beekhus with Tracy. Tracy crashed his primary. Pushing to the limit. Hope today to beak out of the funk. Nothing to do with AJ winning on his first try in a Forsythe car.

Cameron Steele with AJ. Recapping the 10 days (fired, engaged, hired, win). Red Bull and Forsythe get another shout out. I bet AJ gets out of the shower in the morning and says "I'd like to thank Forsythe for giving me the opportunity to grab this towel, and for Red Bull for sticking with me when it didn't look like I would have shampoo ... "

Rick: Sebastien Bourdais always a factor.

Ford Bold Moves Commercial Number 1. I've seen this commercial so many times I'm now LESS likely to buy a Ford Fusion. Way to go Ford! I'll see it another six times today.

Michelle "Guns" Beisner is in the house. But I think she's actually wearing sleeves today. What the? She's packing concealed weapons (guns) today. There she is with Bobby Rahal who is sitting in the car he drove to win the first Cleveland race. He's happy that he can still fit in it. Michelle says Cleveland loves Bobby, Champ Car loves Bobby. Bobby offers Michelle a seat driving a car in the Atlantics where she can go for a couple of years, win no races and move up to the IRL. (OK, I made that part up. Couldn't resist it.)

Starting lineup: AJ Humdinger, Sebastien "Fits of Rage" Bourdais, Justin "World's Tallest Open-wheel Driver" Wilson, Oriol "Shake Well Before" Servia, Tracy, Nelson Philipe, Bruno Junqueira, Alex Tagliani, Will Power, Christiano "What's" da Matta, Speedy Dan Clarke, Andrew "the Lone" Ranger, Chuck Zwolsman, Katherine "Show Some" Legge, Nicky Pastorelli, Jan Heylen, Mario Dominguez, Tonis Kasemets.

Race peeps have slapped a row of cones down to make the run into turn one 60 feet narrower than normal in an effort to limit the circus-like behavior. DD says it will still be circus city as they come into that corner.

Jan -- Mario had a huge crash wherein he smucked the wall in practice.

97 laps, probably three pit stops.

Let's light this candle. Green-green-green.

Holy jail break. We're about 10 wide headed for turn one. Hold your breath.

What the F? We're through turn 1 although Ranger gets spun like a top. On the exit of tiurn one Tracy tries to go between Junk and Bourdais and gets into both. He's OVER THE TOP of Bourdais' car. Much slow mo. Much looking for a better shot of it. Nasty stuff of Tracy's car coming up and over the side of Bourdais like jaws coming out of the water to eat a skier. Bruno's rear wing goes flying into the air.

AJ gets his nose smucked. We got people taking the grass. Circus music in full effect. A small car pulls up and 43 clowns get out of it.

DD struggles to find better video of Tracy driving over Bourdais. "No, that's not it." Also, DD is maybe the worst telestrator in sports. He's always trying to use the telestrator to point out something and almost always the video moves before or after he marks the spot and it's way off. Or he marks it right as they change shots so you end up with random white slashes across the screen that mean nothing. I'm beginning to think that the director guy cuts to a new camera the second Daly starts to make marks. It's a game to him, perhaps.

Video of Bourdais sitting on the infield, not moving. Maybe the safety crew will get their eventually. Hard to say.

Daly guesses Tracy "gets squeezed."

Bold Moves Commercial replay number 2.

Down to Jan -- Christiano has a broken throttle cable. More slow mo video that shows Tracy trying to wedge it between Bruno and Sebastien.

Restart -- Forsythe cars in to top off. Pit strategy is what this league is all about. Short fill. Full fill. Early window. Late window.

Down to Jan with Neil Mickelwright, AJ's boss. Can you make the race in two stops? Not sure. Neil lost a bet with AJ and had to bleach his hair after AJ won. If Tracy wins, he'll have to shave his head.

Restart time. Green-green-green. Chuck Zwolsman spins. Stalls it. We're back to yellow-yellow-yellow.

We're all the way up to 10 laps and only two yellows. Very NASCAR-ish.

Close up of Bourdais' dead car. Bourdais is on his way to the hospital to get checked.

Lap 12 . Restart. Green-green-green. DD - Servia is in a car that was built Tuesday after he rolled both of his practicing for Portland and had to borrow one of Kathy Legge's cars. Speaking of, Legge is 7th.

Tracy is behind Legge. That's like jaws being behind a catamaran with a torn sail. I'm wondering if he'll pass Katherine or just force her viciously into the wall. Probably both.

Bruno is still on the lead lap. Got a new wing and got back out there during the extendo-yellow.

Lap 15 -- Legge does a spin-o-ramma and keeps it going.

Lap 16 -- Legge in for a cut tire. As Katherine exits, KK gets air! There he is in Katherine's pit. Proud poppa.

Power and Clarke battling on the course.

I'm not really familiar with who is leading right now.

Speedy Dan montage. Shows all kinds of the ways he's knocked himself and others out of races. Dan just did a 59.073 lap. Fastest of the race.

Down to Keith Wiggins, Speedy Dan's boss. Keith says two years ago Speedy Dan was doing Formula Fords. The guy was in the deep end and just needed time to get used to it.

Oriol must be leading, because he's 1.6 seconds ahead of someone. Speedy Dan Montage 2 -- Here he is sliding into a bunch of water.

Tracy is in second. Here comes Nicky. He looks like he may think he can pass Tracy on the inside on national TV. Cue the jaws music. dun-da-dun-da-dun-da. Chop city. Nicky, you'll get nothing and like it. Tracy slams the door on Nicky's front wings. That's like a rookie point guard driving the lane on Shaq. Welcome to the house of pain.

Beisner has been re-deployed to more race-related segments, as opposed to scenes of playing volleyball and poker. First, the ever-grinning Rahal and now she's talking to Jimmy Vasser who is the V in PKV racing. Talking about what it's like to be team management rather than team driver. Jimmy has a 2006 Ford GT. Jimmy agrees to give Michelle a ride.

Bold Moves Commercial 3.

Lap 26 -- Down to Cameron Steele with Paul Gentilozzi owner of Rocketsport. What up with Nicky getting smacked by Paul? "Obvious to Nicky that Tracy was wounded. Nicky tried to go inside and Paul doesn't' give up real estate very easily and Nicky got the worst end of it."

Restart. Junk in P1. Green green green.

Dominguez around Servia. Servia doesn't want the Bruno treatment from Mario so he'd be smart to let him go.

DD -- Allmendinger in a "straight fight" with Junk.

Allmendinger takes the lead. Actual televised pass for the lead -- on the track. Presses are stopped. If this was F1 and someone passed for the lead -- ON THE TRACK -- the crowd would have to be evacuated to deal with the shock of it.

Allmendinger gave Bruno a bit of a hip check to get by. We got Wilson in the grass.

AJ sets the fastest lap of the race. Dominguez in third behind Junk. DD says Allmendinger now knows he can do it, so more victories should come.

Video of Dominguez smacking the wall in practice. His front wings turned up and he "abbbbbbsolutely lamBASTed the waaaaaall" according to DD.

Wilson has had four second-place finishes already this year. On board with Wilson. Derek is talking about the "boomps" (bumps).

Jan with Al Speyer, Ex. Dir. of Bridgestone Motorsports. -- Al says unfortunately there's not much difference between the reds and the blacks in this race. Going to work on it. Bridgestone has a bunch of people in seating section for the race. Much cheering.

Lap 34 -- AJ, Junk, Mario, Tracy, Servia, Wilson, Tracy, Tag, Speedy Dan, Nelson.

AJ is now one second faster than Bruno.

Michelle Beisner Cam -- Michelle says Cleveland has an awesome atmosphere for the race. She's wearing a shirt with sleeves again. Guns covered! The video shows that Cleveland also has some kind of hotty contest. Much strutting on the stage.

Yellow yellow yellow. Caution number 4. Kasemets spins and stalls. Pits will open and AJ will come in. This is really going to help AJ.

Lap 39 -- AJ, Bruno, Mario, Tracy. All pitting.

Dominguez gets a little wing. Tacy lost a lot of time in the pit. Dig the Left Front Tire Changer Cam! A camera on the tire changer's helmet. Cool.

Lap 40 - Tag, Nelson, Justin Wilson, AJ, Junk, Power, Servia, Tracy.

Nelson locks up the left front on the track.

Lap 41 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Tracy "gets 'er sideways" (Derek!) on the track. Goes ass-first into the wall. The shark has been bitten by the wall. Maybe the wall tried to pass Tracy and he chopped down on the wall.

Replay shows Tracy missing the apex and being history after that. Rick keeps calling Tracy "The Thrill from West Hill." Everyone is amazed how far the car made it after driving directly over the top of Bourdais. Bourdais' head must have caused some damage to the underside of Tracy's car. How unfortunate for Tracy!

Bold Moves Commercial Number 4.

Lap 45. Fifth yellow. Bourdais report -- doesn't remember accident. Just remembers someone on top of him. Has tire marks on his helmet.

Neil Mickelwright -- says Tracy's car broke because of the previous accident.

Lap 47 -- Pay attention, because Double D says "This is about to get good here, boys."

Onboard with Tag. Restart. No. Yellow yellow yellow. Restart waved off. Hey, we're all professionals here. Maybe someone got a huge-ass jump and was going 9-wide coming off of the final turn. Hard to say.

Carl Russo from RuSPORT gets air. Carl says the decision to can AJ is looking better and better (he was being sarcastic). Hopes to come down to a Wilson/AJ battle again. Carl says of the first-lap accident "We didn't think anyone had takeoff clearance at the airport here today." Pretty good line, Carl. Only missing a sponsor mention.

Jan Heylen spins after diving in like Greg Louganis on turn one. Rick -- "They never seem to get the idea that diving into turn 1 doesn't work here."

Local yellow for that one. Trying to get Heylen bump started.

Allmendinger and Bruno pass Wilson after a spin. Jan reports that Wilson doesn't like the red tires.

Beisner Cam -- Got the guns out this time. Spaghetti straps and the whole bit. Talking about the great tunes at Cleveland including the lead singer for Bad Company.

Lap 56 -- Nelson Philipe leads.

Derek Daly tells us the results of the heart monitoring from last week. Nelson had a heart beat of 203 during qualifying which seems right since that's where about three quarters of the race is determined. Last week his average heart beat was 175 beats per minute.

Tag gave Nelson room to pass in a very un-Tracy-like fashion.

Lap 57 -- AJ leads. Half second faster than Junk. Wilson and Junk battling for second.

Bruno probably happy to be second given his rear wing went off like a kite when Tracy put it into climbing gear on the start. Wilson has five consecutive top fives.

The obligatory mention of Bruno's 18 screws in his back from the Indy crash. Oriol and Speedy Dan fighting for 5th. Will Power is 4th.

AJ told to get on it. He's 6.7 seconds in front of Bruno.

Lap 67. Serbia in a car that has only raced 19 times.

Speedy Dan leads standings for Rookie of the Year.

Lap 63 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Ranger is toast. Hit a big "boomp" (bump) and got himself in trouble.

Lap 63 -- Who will pit? Wilson coming in for black sidewalls.

AJ in. Beats Wilson out. Junk leads. Speedy Dan second. Legge 12th.

Restart. Yellow yellow yellow. Again, we're all professionals here.

Michael Cannon (engineer) and AJ have chemistry.

Green grene green. AJ fifth and working on Tag.

DD asks how will this play out? Stay tuned!

Local yellow. Zwolsman spins. Looks like a broken steering arm puts him out.

Beisner Cam -- she is again wearing sleeves.

Lap 75 -- Pit stops. Nelson leads.

Lap 76 -- Power takes the grass in the final corner. Hits some boomps and gets airborne. We got dirt flying everywhere. His front wings are gone.

Nelson Philipe is dead on the course. Much speculating as to if he ran out of gas.

Lap 79 -- Wilson through the grass and kisses the wall. Looks like a steering arm broke. RuSPORT ain't that happy.

Video of swerving on the yellow line up. Power swerves toward Nelson like he's pissed about something. Looked like Nelson thought he should be ahead of Power.

Wilson is out. All the really quick guys are out. Should be a major challenge for AJ.

Nelson -- Not sure what is up with it. Instruments show he should still be good for fuel, yet he's dead on the course. Word is it's an electrical problem.

15 to go. Green green green. Mario second. Legge 9th.

DD -- Dominguez may not make it all the way without pitting.

Speedy Dan in third.

Cameron down to Dale Coyne -- will Speedy have enough fuel? Since it's a timed race, yes. Dale informs us that it's a timed race as opposed to the announcers informing us. I think the booth is the last to know.

Will Power is off the course and back on the course.

Ford Bold Moves commercial #5

Wilson says his steering busted.

AJ could be the first American to win back-to-back races since 1996.

Nelson penalized for avoidable contact. WTF? That's lame. Probably could have given that flag to Tracy about five times during this race.

DD is impressed with Dominguez and Dan Clarke.

White flag. Dominguez has got stuff to prove.

Dan Clarke makes a "bonsai move" on the inside of turn 1, passes Mario, then lights the tires and spins in front of Mario taking them both out. Double D says "it's the dunce's cap for Dan Clarke" and that Mario was "trapped in Dan Clarke's brain fade." Maybe some poetic justice to have Mario trapped in someone else's brain fade.

AJ wins. Many donuts. AJ says his crew rocks. Thanks everybody including Forsythe, Red Bull "for sticking with me" and Puma and Bridgestone.

Bold Moves Commercial 6

Over to Cameron with Bruno. First lap tore off the back wing and mangled part of Bruno's side pod. He's happy to come home second with that kind of smashed up car.

Jan with Mario. Had a podium, maybe second and got smacked. Mario says he struggled with the gearbox all race. Says Dale Coyne is the "greatest guy I ever met" and the team is the hardest working.

Final order: AJ, Bruno, Oriol, Alex Tagliani, Heylen, Mario, Speedy Dan, Katherine Legge, Will Power, Nelson.

Tune in for the race in Toronto on July 9 at 12:30 eastern on CBS.

Holy Durable VCR: CCWS Race Tape Survives

I did get the CCWS Cleveland race taped, some how. Notes coming soon.

Thuderstorm Knocks Out Power, Nukes Pressdog's VCRs

Sucks to be me. I was out of town this weekend and a power outage screwed my VCR program so I got SQUAT for tape on both the IRL race (shocker: Penske wins again) and the Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford which sounds like a demo derby. Heavy circus music.

Notes from the Champ Car Race at Portland 2006

Notes from the G.I. Joe's Presents The Champ Car Grand Prix of Portland taken during the CBS broadcast on 6/18/06.

To recap the craziness over the last week: AJ fired from RuSPORT. Nobody seems to know why. AJ goes to Niagara Falls and gets engaged to a former Miss Champ Car. Da Matta hired away from Dale Coyne racing. Dominguez fired from Forsythe, possibly for hip checking half the contenders out of two races, including Paul "I Always Look Like I Want to Kick Your Ass" Tracy. AJ hired at Forsythe to fill Mario's old spot. Mario hired to fill Da Matta's spot. I continue to think the whole thing was determined by a lottery-like ping-pong-ball number selection device.

Welcome to Portland. We're here after the aforementioned swirl that saw the Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF) shed its lone American then find him again and have him almost win the pole.

Junk on the pole! Go figure. It's not Bourdais. I checked three times. Media alerted: Boudais did not win the pole.

Michele Beisner has been re-hired (or redeployed). She's been sent out to deliver many viewing-enhancing segments on the super-fun things to do around Portland that may or may not be associated with the race.

In her opening segment, Michele, who I seriously doubt owns any shirts with sleeves in them, has the guns out again and is at the BPCCWSPF merchandise trailer. Many fine gifts for Father's Day. (Father's Day reference number 1 of about 200). Michele says there are many fathers in the house today including those of Nelson Phillipe, AJ Humdinger and Katherine Legge. Tracy is himself a father as is Mr. Kalkhoven who has his daughter in the hizzouse today. Michele says she has, in fact, not gotten around to getting her dad anything for Father's Day yet but says he's the best.

Derek Daly says the track is very fast. The "festival curves" are key. Getting through them is half the battle.

The 41st Brigade of the Oregon National Guard stationed in Afghanistan gives us the "Drivers, start your engine!" Who-Rah.

Rick Benjamin says there are "lots of places to pass" on this track. We'll see. That would make it the exception for street/road courses.

Down to Cameron Steele who is deployed in the Oriol Servia pits. Oriol spent the last few days trashing cars. Oriol wrecking montage. Went through his two and had to borrow his teammate, Katherine Legge's back up car. Slapped a sticker on the nose of it that says "Car Courtesy of K. Legge."

Starting lineup: Bruno Junqueira, A.J. "The Lone American" Allmendinger, Sebastien "What, No Pole?" Bourdais, Justin Wilson, Christiano "What's" da Matta, Speedy Dan Clarke, Will Power, Nelson "Flowing Hair" Philippe, Alex Tagliani, Paul Tracy, Nicky Pastorelli, Oriol Servia, Andrew "Lone" Ranger, Mario "Any Ride in a Storm" Dominguez, Katherine "Show Some" Legge, Charles Zwolsman, Jan Heylen, Tonis Kasemets.

Down to Jan Beekhus in the Bruno pit. Bruno wants a win for Father's Day. Let's go to the video showing Bruno getting screwed in Turn 1, Lap 1 of Long Beach. Cue the circus music. Multiple angles.

We interrupt this report for the start of the race. Let's light this candle.

Yellow-yellow-yellow. Looked like a jail break coming into the start finish. Flag guy waved it off. Hey, we're all professionals here. Maybe everyone knows passing on the start is pretty much the only time you can pass. Just me speculating.

Back to Jan to finish the Bruno Getting Screwed montage with some video of Mario punting Bruno into the wall at Milwaukee and then hip checking Tracy for good measure.

Let's try again to light this candle.

Green-green-green. Holy Jail Break. It looked to me they were about five wide at the line. Like Van Halen fans sprinting for the front row at a general-admission concert. Bruno and Bourdais got jumped like two opera-goers in South Central LA. Mugged.

Pasterilli in the dirt. He's heading cross-country. Left rear is toast. Derek says it was cut by a wing plate, most likely.

Lap 2 -- Tracy up to 5th. Got five spots on the circus start.

Nicky in. Changes tire. Speedy Dan and Nicky were having a good run this weekend.

In-car video of Zwolsman turning left after the contact. Cutting through the festival curves, I believe. Derek says Chuck may have saw the "schlossel" in front of him and decided to avoid all that. Derek is bringing the color, baby. Brace for a stream of heavily accented gibberish. Bring it, Double D.

Down to Cameron with Paul Gentilozi, Nicky's pit guy. Says Oriol got into the rear of Nicky's tire. Doesn't take much to cut a tire.

AJ leads. Derek says this is a golden opportunity. His career was almost derailed by the RuSPORT firing. I think there was Father's Day reference number 16 in here somewhere.

Bourdais is 7th. Just released from the ER for the mugging he got on the start. Got stitched up. Going to the Portland Police Department to look at mug shots later.

Commercial. Ford Bold Moves commercial where the woman pays for the shirts of the guy behind her in the dry cleaning drive through. I'm going to keep track of how many times I see this commercial, because I bet it's about 10 before the race is over.

Speedy Dan Clarke is SECOND. Speedy Dan is in front of Bourdais. Holy angina. The Media is alerted once again. French sportscasters: "Zat cannot be riiiiight."

Legge is 15th. She's the only driver who started on black tires, according to Rick. Saving the reds for the end, apparently.

Derek says "the only thing that doesn't lie in racing is the stopwatch." True-dat, Double D.

Video of Oriol's "Car Courtesy of K. Legge" sticker. Striking.

Speedy Dan is SECOND. I'm having trouble getting over this. Down to team owner Keith Wiggins. It's early, Keith says. Got the speed. See if it pans out. Why the new confidence? Keith -- It's a big step. Two years ago driving Formula Fords and others. We expected it to take some time. May have been spooked by a couple of accidents. "Good guys who stick with it come through."

Video of Wilson blowing up at Portland last year. Oil pump or some such. Died in the Festival Curves. Much fist shaking.

Down to Jan with Carl Russo. Justin and Christiano doing a good job so far. Thinks it will be a heck of a race. Five-ish cars that have a shot. Jan: How tough was it to fire AJ? Carl - Time for both of us to find a new environment. Thinks both situations will work out well. Couldn't be happier for AJ.

Double D -- Tracy is loose.

Double D again -- AJ can't experience brain lock today. "AJ cannot drop a bomb here and throw this thing off into the boondocks." (?) Come on, Derek. Give us a little something-something.

Speedy still second. But wait, his right front is shredding. Needs to slow down or he'll wreck the front wing. DD - - "What a disaaaaaaster for Speedy Daaaaaan."

Bourdais has a run on da Matta. Backs off. Better not to get in there and wreck and screw your championship points situation.

Lap 25. AJ leads by 9 seconds.

To Jan in the Bourdais pits -- Not happy with the start. No panic. Changing strategy.

Junk got shuffled to 6th on the start. Not happy with the start. Kind of like you wouldn't be happy if someone hit you between the eyes with a two-by-four. Very upset thought he was jumped. Jan says the rule is as soon as the green flag waves you can pass. Goofy rule. Just jump the start and claim you saw the flag. Keep doing it until they let a jail break go.

Lap 31. Kasemets taking his time to get used to the heavier BPCCWSPF cars. Kasemets montage. Atlantics wins. Derek says it's a whole new deal in the Big Cars.

Bourdais passes da Matta for fourth. Actual televised pass that did not occur due to a start or a pit stop. Presses are stopped.

Lap 32. Bourdais working on Junk for third. Bruno looks loose as a goose.

AJ pitting. Gets red tires. Wilson pitting. Gets black tires. Da Matta pitting. Gets reds. Bruno beats da Matta out.

Bourdais in a lap after the leaders. Gets reds. Fills the car full. Out in 10.4 and stays in front of Bruno and Tracy.

Derek -- Red tires are .4 seconds faster early in the stint.

Ford Bold Moves Commercial Airing #2.

Will Power pitting. Derrick Walker on the radio tells him to "run like hell." Bourdais 4th. Legge 13th.

Joe Barbieri of Bridgestone with Jan. Reds on long runs don't have much left at the end. 85% to 100% wear.

Lap 45. Clarke still in front of Bourdais. May be a sign of the apocalypse. Zwolsman will get a 10-second penalty soon for continually cutting the course. Tracy has blacks on. Gone from 3rd to seventh. Nelson's dad Thierry Phillipe gets air. Father's Day reference number 42.

Lap 50 -- Double D -- You got Wilson (of RuSPORT) in second behind AJ (Fired by RuSPORT) "Boy this is a grudge match especially at the front."

Jan -- Oriol in. 10 seconds. Radio: "Make hay for us." Derek -- Drivers on cold tires with full fuel is when they earn their pay.

Mike Cannon, AJ's new engineer, asked about back-to-back reds. Thinks the track will "grip up" and get "grippy" toward the end so the blacks will work fine then. AJ is leading, "it's like a Father's Day gift for him." (Father's Day Mention number 51).

Rick thinks he may have some insight into the quadruple-secret reason AJ got "let go" from RuSPORT. Flash back to Milwaukee. AJ pits. Gets beaten out of pits. Gestures. Pissed about it. Maybe that flair up of attitude was what did it. Dissing the team on cable TV. Not like AJ had any chance of staying ahead of Bourdais in any event.

Derek -- "Never allow circumstances to dictate your behavior."

Let's review. 6/9 AJ is "released" from RuSPORT. 6/10 gets engaged at Niagara Falls (on the Canadian side. His fiance is from Toronto). 6/13 signs with Forsythe. Two-race deal. Rick -- Like moving in before the wedding. Lynne Kushnirenko is a former Face of Champ Car, Miss Molson Indy and Doctor of Chiropractic.

Lap 54 -- Half-way race recap -- Junk got "snookered" on the start. Nicky takes the dirt in turn 1, Speedy Dan has been speedy but then shreds a tire. AJ clean and green so far.

Lap 55 -- AJ leads by 3.5 seconds. Derek -- this is a great mental as well as physical test for AJ.

Ford Bold Moves TV spot airing #3

Lap 60 -- Bruno accuses Will Power of blocking. Asking for the blue flag.

Cameron down in AJ's pit. Biggest problem is keep bumping into Katherine Legge. AJ is complaining about lapped traffic.

Bruno in third. Legge 15th. Rick reminds us she led in Milwaukee, first woman ever to lead a BPCCWSPF race.

Lap 64 -- Wilson trying to get around AJ. As if. Derek declares this a "fight to the finish." It's a "straight fight" with Wilson vs. AJ.

Bruno in. Jan -- Gets the black tires. Under 10 seconds. Da Matta trying to get around Bruno. No dice.

We're on board with Bourdais. He's behind lapped traffic. Video replay of Bourdais going past the start-finish and gesturing for the flag guy to get the blue flag out (blue flag -- move over for faster traffic). I strongly suspect the flag guy is having a beer somewhere since there have been NO yellows since the wave off. Jan confirms that Bourdais is complaining about the slow-ass cars in front of him. We're back on board with Bourdais in third.

Lap 68 -- Derek -- "This is what it's all about right here. Can Allmendinger withstand the pressure?" Will he have brain lock? Stay tuned.

Will Power is toast in the pits. Much cowling removal.

37 laps to go.

Ford Bold Moves ad airing #4

Lap 72. Replay of Wilson locking up the right front as he thought better of sticking his snout inside AJ. Onboard cam shows he may have a flat spot.

Derek is fired up. "This is what racing is all about. Man and machine going as hard as they can."

DD -- uses his directing skills (roll the video -- STOP IT THERE.) an the telestrator to show us the flat spot on Wilson's car. Much telestration.

The flat spot has Wilson off balance and he's falling back. Derek says two laps earlier "AJ could look in his mirrors and see Wilson's eye balls out on stalks as he was closing in."

Russo -- Talks about the flat spot. I think Carl Russo set a record for amount of air time in one BPCCWSPF broadcast. He's gotten more air time (easily) than Katherine Legge.

Derek -- "I luv it; I luv it; I luv it."

Lap 77. All the lapped cars make it nutty out there. DD -- AJ has a history of having brain fade at critical times but been impeccable today. (So stay tuned!)

Wilson in for tires. The flat spot is throwing off the balance of his car. Game over for this race unless AJ does have a brain fade or maybe comes under sniper fire.

Lap 80 (I may have dozed off right in here). da Matta is running without even his custom seat.

Lap 83 -- Bruno stuck behind Nicky.

Lap 86 -- AJ in for his final stop. This is pretty much the race. He's out again. Clean. Only AJ can beat AJ now. He's ahead by 7.5 seconds.

da Matta in and out. AJ up by 7 seconds. Speedy Dan in. He was third in the race earlier. Faded somewhat.

Rick (or perhaps Derek) says Bourdais is putting on a clinic.

Down to Greg Allmendinger, AJ's dad. Give a shout out to the Allmendinger clan. I think in EVERY interview they said thanks to Forsythe and Red Bull. Major sponsor thanks. Father's Day mention number 105.

Ford Bold Moves Commercial airing #5.

Lap 93. Speedy Dan is 7th. Fixing to have a fight with Paul Tracy.

Last time an American won in BPCCWSPF was Ryan Hunter Ray in 2004 on an oval (Milwaukee Mile). AJ is having his day in the sun, according to Double D.

10 to go. It will take a mortar attack or AJ to completely go mental for him to lose. Down to Lynne Kushnirenko in the pits. Got engaged when AJ was technically unemployed. No worries. It was time for a change. Thanks Forsythe everyone else who stuck with him. How he handled it showed his maturity.

10 to go. Derek says for AJ this is "hang on to your hollyhocks time." I knew it was coming. I was a junky, waiting for the "hang onto your hollyhocks."

AJ now up by 9.5. Wilson has had five consecutive top-5 finishes.

Bourdais registers fastest lap of the race at 59.4. Last two were fastest laps of the race. Tracy is fighting for 6th with Speedy Dan. There's something you don't hear every day.

6 to go. 5 to go. Bourdais is on the rev limiter. You can almost hear him screaming with rage over the engine. 4 to go. AJ by 8 seconds. Bourdais is all up on Wilson's tail. 3 to go. 2 to go.

Lynne Cam activated. Her and Allmendinger's mom got the tears going on. DD used to call AJ "Wallmendinger" the one-man crash highlight reel.

1 to go. Bourdais can't pass Wilson. I think it's a good thing that Bourdais is not armed. Allmendinger wins. Sun freezes. France declares national day of mourning. Files protest with international tribunal.

AJ celebrates by dropping the F-bomb on national TV over his radio. "You guys are f*cking .." (quickly cut off). I think he was going to say "f*cking awesome" or something. It wouldn't be a BPCCWSPF race without the F-bomb in there somewhere.

Finish: AJ, Justin Wilson, Bourdais, Junqueira, da Matta, Speedy Dan, Tracy, Nelson, Lone Ranger (one lap down), Oriol. Legge 13th, two laps down.

Donuts. Father's Day reference number 132. On the rev limiter doing donuts. Going to blow up that Powered By Ford item.

Let's go to AJ's dad. Emotional. On fire. Gives Forsythe a shout out. These guys are amazing with the Forsythe mentions.

Down to Jan with AJ in the winner's circle. Your thoughts? AJ is farklempt. Thanks Forsythe. Awesome. Thanks Red Bull. Parents. Lynne Kush. Thanks Carl Russo for all he did for him over the last three years. Wishes he could have won the first one for him. Classy statement. Makes up for the F-bomb.

Wilson comes over to congratulate. Wilson may be the World's Tallest Open Wheel Driver. He's like 6-foot. Maybe Tracy is his size. Wilson says "fresh start is what was needed." Father's Day reference number 143.

Atlantics Montage -- Graham Rahal punted in the start. Major circus music in this race. Bumper cars. Twisted sheet metal in this one.

Down to Michele who is playing poker with Tags at some location (filmed before the race, obviously). She wins this hand. My viewing is enhanced. It's almost like they had some Michele segments left over and had to wedge them in there.

Bourdais -- Frustrated. Third on the grid but was seventh before crossing the start-finish line. Declares it bogus. Thought the first start they waved off was way better than the second one. Had a great MAC-donald's car today. Frustrating.

Over to Bruno who is with Jan. Bruno says the first start was great. Did it perfect as the pole sitter. Don't know why they threw the yellow. Second time they brought out the green much earlier. By the time he was through turn one he was 5th. Color him screwed at that point. All the work in qualifying was hosed on the start. Bruno is not happy.

Bold Moves commercial airing #6.

Jan is with Steve Johnson, president and CEO of the BPCCWSPF. What about that IRL merger talk? Steve says everyone is still talking. Stay tuned.

Speedy Dan. Happy with sixth. Passed Tracy on the last lap. Dan talks for about five minutes here. Father's Day reference number 176. Over to da Matta. Happy with 5th. He thought the start was fine. Bruno and Bourdais were napping. Got caught up. Had to brake.

Next race: Cleveland. June 25. 2:30 p.m. eastern. CBS. Look for Bourdais to get on the gas about half a lap early at the start.

Allmendinger Rejoins Champ Car, Vows to Finish Second Sunday

Note to everyone: Thisis totally made up. For humor purposes only.

The Bridgestone Presents Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF) today announced its only American driver will return with his sights firmly set on second place.

The news came after Forsythe Racing hired American AJ Allmendinger. Allmendinger, the only American in all of BPCCWSPF had been canned by team RuSport a week earlier in favor of Brazilian Christiano "What's" da Matta.

A few days later, Forsythe canned Mexican Mario Dominguez and hired Allmendinger. League officials denied there was a ping-pong-ball-driven lotto machine involved in the selection of who would be hired and fired in the BPCCWSPF. No word if Mario's number would come up in the lotto so he gets someone else's ride. "We can neither confirm nor deny the existence of any lotto machine," said a league official, "but if there is one, you can be assured the results are being monitored for fairness by the accounting firm of Earnst and Young."

Allmendinger said he was glad to be back in the BPCCWSPF and looking forward to the ultimate prize, finishing second to Sebastien Bourdais. "I'm thrilled to be with Forsythe and more committed than ever to going for second place," said Allmendinger. "I mean, it's clear that nobody can actually beat Sebastien unless he drives it into a wall or has more than one tire come off, so to me it seems like second is the ultimate prize."

For his part, Frenchman Bourdais seemed unphased by the announcement. However Bourdais' engineer, Craig Hampson, sounded a cautionary note. "I don't know, with an American back in the field, it might be tough for Sebastien to finish in the top five. He's barely squeaked out victories in all four races so far. We've been very fortunate so far."

When Bourdais asked if he could win the rest of the BPCCWSPF races he responded, "by how many seconds in each race?" In a related development, BPCCWSPF announced its new marketing campaign around the theme "Tune in, Bourdais might actually lose."

In other news, the Rusty Wallace Foundation announced today that it would start a programs of grants to disadvantaged IRL teams so they can get much needed wind-tunnel testing. "Teams shouldn't have to decided between eating and wind-tunnel testing," Wallace said as he fought back tears.

Notes from the 2006 Bombardier LearJet 500 from Texas Motor Speedway

Notes taken during the ESPN broadcast of the Bombardier LearJet 500 from Texas Motor Speedway on 6/10/06.

pressdog's beer of the race is Molson Candian. Beauty beer, eh?

Intro with the appropriately western music and the Complete Waste Eddie Cheever montage. It's the "Showdown at Sundown."

Welcome to Ft. Worth, TX where it's about a hundred degrees out. We're here to see if Penske and Ganassi will continue to slap the rest of the drivers around. Let's go down to our Jerry Punch, M.D., who is in the driver's parade vehicle with Scott Dixon. Punch -- what's the key for today, Scotty? Scott -- Stay cautious. Don't do anything stupid. Stay out of trouble. Stay away from Cheever (sorry, made that Cheever part up).

Over to Jack Arute with Sammy Hornish who is also in a parade vehicle. Jack -- how real is the Penske Ganassi rivalry? Hornish (not biting today, Jack) -- We want to beat everyone, not just Chippy. Not happy if he's last and we're second to last.

Let's check the Bitch Slap-o-Meter. Yep, Penske and Chippy drivers have the top four places in points with AGR's Tony Kanaan is coming up fifth. Dario? Herta? Not so much. Dramatically fewer celebratory donuts on the tracks this year with AGR getting it handed to them every race.

Rusty Wallace -- Penske and Ganassi are on it. Wind tunnels, baby. That's the key.

Marty Ried -- Scott Goodyear, can anyone break this cycle of violence?

Scotty Goodyear -- Can't count out AGR. Rahal Letterman has new Dallaras so maybe they can finish better than 9th now.

Enough of this, let's get back to the Marco vs. Eddie death match! Replays of the contact back at Watkins Glen. Super slow mo actually shows puffs of gun powder rising from Eddie's car as he fires a pistol at Marco! Dramatic new Zapruder-like evidence! It's time for the "Road Rage" montage. Michael Andretti "the guy is a waste." Eddie -- "Since '92 there's been this long-standing argument between them and me." Marco -- "It was one of two things and they're both scary. Either he did it on purpose or he didn't know I was there. What happens if he doesn't see me in Texas?"

Jamie Little (get her in a car!) with Marco -- Marco says he hasn't changed his opinion since the incident. Jamie (God love her!) asks -- Do you take any responsibility or was it all Eddie? Awesome question, Jamie! Marco -- "Do I even have to comment?" Of course Marco takes no blame. Sha. Seriously. He'd been driving a very conservative race up to that point, taking no risks with his car at all! It was all Eddie. I suspect Jamie will be fired even for asking. Silly girl. Jamie gets the Pressdog Asking Questions People Want to Know Award for this race.

Down to Punch with Danica for her take on how evil Eddie really is. Danica says she was doing OK in the race. Running all right given the general playing of circus music caused by cars sliding here and there. Gave Eddie some room on the restart. All of a sudden I'm going around. Didn't seem like something I could do all by myself. (A pop at Eddie who said Danica did it "all by herself.")

The Root drew the short straw and he has to interview Satan (Cheever). Don't let him touch you, Jack! Eddie says he's looking forward to getting back to racing. "Very regrettable but I'm glad that's over and let's get on with the next race." On the plus side for Cheever (who I really don't think is Satan) this whole incident has gotten him maybe 203% more camera time than he would have gotten if he didn't collect some Andrettis given Eddie's habit of running 15th in about every race lately.

But we're not done. Let's go to some video from practice at Texas showing Helio getting "cut off" by Eddie in the sense that Eddie moved over causing Helio to only have about 24 feet of room on the inside. Holy Pinch Down! Video of Helio swerving at Cheever in the pits and then getting out and barking at the IRL ref. Simmer down.

Rusty -- I think Helio overreacted. He was frustrated. Helio had a lot of room. I don't think that was Eddie's fault. Goodyear -- Later Helio looked at the tape and realized he was being insane (I'm paraphrasing) and admitted the overreaction.

Now let's go to our regular feature called "Why NASCARs are so slow compared to the IRL hot rods." This time we're using track records at TMS to show that NASCARs are slow. Track record for an Indy car: 225.979. Track record for a NASCAR: 194.224. I tell ya what, one of those is a hot rod and one of them isn't.

Patrick Dempsey gives us the gender-neutral "Drivers Start Your Engines!"

It's 94 degrees out in Texas and a brisk 104 degrees on the track. Danica has a new Dallara chasis. RLR hasn't had it long enough to trick it out, but they have had it long enough to mount DANICA CAM on it. Thank God. There's Danica's helmet (the camera is mounted by the steering wheel looking back at Danica).

Warm up laps. Let's go to Rusty who is going to see if Tomas Scheckter (amazingly has survived several warm up laps without crashing) has his ears on, come back. Tomas can hear us loud and clear. Rusty asks if Tomas' car is good enough to win again (he won at TMS last year). Tomas says the key is to "get ahead of these red-and-white cars in front of us." At first I was going to make fun of Tomas saying the key to winning is getting in front of all the other cars, but now I realize he's referring to the red-and-white cars which means Penske (orange, red, close enough) and the Chipmobiles, so I'll give Tom a shout out for his clever verbiage there. I retract my initial chortle.

Jack the Root says the key are these (holds up a box of Krispy Kreme donuts). No, not real donuts (tosses the package in a nice effect) but donuts on the side pods. The winner will have some on his or her car.

Jerry reminds us that it is, in fact, hot at the track. Reminder number 6 does the trick (alert poster below suggested I should have said "turns the trick!") and I suddenly realize "Wow, it must be hot there."

Starting lineup: Sam Hornish, Dan Wheldon, Helio Castroneves, Scott Dixon, Tomas Scheckter, Tony Kanaan, Scott Sharp, Dario Franchitti, Rookie Sensation Marco Andretti, Kosuke Matsuura, Ed Carpenter, Vitor Miera, Buddy Rice, Former Rookie Sensation Danica Patrick, Jeff "No Relation to Gene" Simmons, Eddie Cheever Jr., Buddy Lazier, Bryan Herta, Felipe Giaffone. Herta changed two engines after qualifying and gets to go to the back.

Let's light this candle. Green-green-green.

Sammy leads briefly and then it's Mr. White Shades (Wheldon) moving into the lead.

Lap 15 -- Reminder that Rice and Danica are running "stock block" Dallaras after dropping their Panoz like they were hawwwwt. We have a 100% Dallara field now.

Jack says both Tomas and Ed Carpenter were advised to get after it right out of the gate.

Lap 25 -- Whedon, Hornish, Helio, Matsuura, Dixon, Kanaan, Scheckter, Ed Carpenter, Vitor, Rice.

Lap 28 -- Jerry says Kosuke likes the 1.5-mile tracks. Most comfortable at 1.5 miles.

Down to Jamie who says White Shades is using a black helmet today. Better luck with the black helmet.

Lap 35 -- we go to the studio for a 30-30 update in which we see Michelle Wie drain a monstrous putt.

Lap 40 -- Jack -- Marco reports that is having difficulty. He's out of adjustments and the car is a major handling pig. Both him and Danica are "backing up."

Lap 50 -- Felipe Giafone is 12th. The first 50 laps fly by under green (number of yellows in the first 50 laps of a NASCAR race at TMS is an estimated seven) with the front four (Wheldon, Hornish, Castroneves and Dixon in some variation of that order) in a line and freight training away from everyone else. It's got all the drama of watching four cars go down the interstate with exactly the same cruise control setting.

Lap 57 -- Wheldon is 1.5 seconds in front of Helio.

Pitting. Helio says he has understeer. Gets air pressure change. Wheldon in 9.5 seconds. Crew gets zero credit for a sub-10 full pit stop.

Yellow yellow yellow --- Buddy Lazier is coasting in. Out of fuel? Much speculation.

Sam is going 14 mph to save fuel. Kanaan has his nose (watch it) right under Sam's tail (hey -- simmer down). Booth guys say Penske is concerned. Sam could run out of gas. Except, you know, if you're going to run out of gas on yellow you can actually pit. Thank you to whoever looked up the rule and flashed it to the booth people before they had a total hissy fit.

Rusty gives Penske one of 32 shout outs during the race, this one for his math skills.

Lap 63. Booth guys say attendance today is 90,000, which is great for an IRL race, but TMS is such a barn that 90,000 looks about a third full. Marco on the radio. Front end pushing and he's loose. I suspect Cheever messed with his wings. We got ZERO air time for Michael this week. None. Nada.

Lazier's exit was apparently an electrical problem, not due to fuel.

Confusion over Sam Hornish's position on the track. Scoring says P2. Marty says it reminds him of the Great Bitchslap Incident of 1997 when AJ smacked Arie in the winner's circle area after a similar scoring snafu.

We are green green green.

Lap 72 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Buddy Rice is toast. We got smoke rolling off the back of his engine. Fragged Honda. That's something you don't' see every day. Rahal immediately blames the poor showing on the Panoz chassis company.

Root in the RLR pit with the Honda engineer who looks like he'd rather be most any where else, including reclining in a dental chair. Jack says when Buddy's engine blew the oil pressure indicators went to zero. Honda engine gave up the ghost. It's actually kind of nice to see an engine blow now and then. Reminds me of the old school Indy when stuff was always rupturing into flames.

Buddy with Jack -- been fast here each year but yet to win. Had a top 10 car, maybe a little better. Dallara should be competitive.

Rusty -- Penske is smart. "The fella down there with the gray hair and the receding hair line has got a computer in his head."

Scheckter -- "We're loose, loose, loose baby." Weight jacker is broken.

Vitor got a nice donut on his blank side pod from Kosuke. At first the booth heads said it was Marco, but I knew that wasn't right, because Eddie Cheever wasn't involved. Although, that would give ABC/ESPN their lead in for Richmond. "Marco vs. Vitor -- the Brazilian in the Bull Ring." But, you now, it was Kosuke who got him with the right rear. But what as stunning, perfect donut. Striking.

Lap 80 -- Wheldon, Hornish, Helio, Kanaan, Dixon, Scheckter, Ed, Herta, Felipe (!), Sharp.

Lap 88 -- Jamie reminds us that Vitor is 0-52 in IRL starts.

Lap 92 -- We go to commercial with some video of Scott Goodyear winning twice at Texas. Maybe making up for that nasty graphic in the Indy 500 that showed Goodyear led at lap 195 twice and lost both races. Owie.

Jamie reports that Dan Wheldon has no push and the car is great and the team is happy.

It's possible I dozed off right in here. Again, imagine the big four going town the interstate, a few feet apart, all with their cruise controls set at 71 mph.

Lap 122 -- Rusty is remarking about the Penske and Chip wind-tunnel testing. He says "If I were the rest of these teams I'd be investing some time and money in wind-tunnel" testing. The whole draw back with that strategy is that the other teams don't have any time or money. They rummage through dumpsters to find returnable cans to buy lunch, so, ah, telling them to "investing time and money in wind tunnel" testing would make them all laugh so hard they spew Budweiser out of their various nostrils. Don't plan on Rusty letting go of this one any time soon, though.

Lap 125 -- Wheldon, Hornish, Helio, Dixon (try to act shocked) Kanaan, Sharp, Kosuke, Vitor, Scheckter, Felipe.

Lap 134 -- Leaders are cycling through the pits so DANICA IS FOURTH. Somebody wake up the queen, she's charging forward!

Right here Marty says "Tony Kanaan rounds out the top five. That sounds familiar?" He was talking about points but I chortled out loud.

Marty wisely looks forward to the final pit stops. Someone knows where this race is going to be decided (hint -- not on the track).

Lap 175 -- Wheldon, Helio, Dixon, Hornish (shocking, I know) Kanaan, Sharp, Vitor, Ed, Kosuke, Scheckter.

Lap 182 -- Rusty puts in another plug for teams to use their phantom money for wind tunnel testing.

The Big 4 are now 11 SECONDS in front of the rest of the field. Sad. IRL officials may be considering a caution for "debris."

Final pit stops. Helio in. Fuel only. Out. Fine.

Wheldon in. Changing tires. Chippy decides to put on new tires. Right rear has issues. Two-second delay. Marty calls it: COULD BE THE RACE. Everyone else seems oblivious.

Hornish in. No tires, just fuel. STALLS IT. Pit crew applies the starter. He's out and under way. He's history for this race though. Later found out that he didn't stall it but rather the car ran out of gas coming down pit lane. Holy One Lap Late, Roger.

Lap 195 -- Helio, Dixon, Wheldon, Vitor, Sharp, Hornish, Kanaan, Matsuura, Ed, Scheckter.

Helio in control. He's loosening his belts for the fence climb with two laps to go.

Video of Chip who looks like someone just told him he just unknowingly ate a turd sandwich.

Helio wins. Radio: "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOOOOOOUT!" Helio needs to lighten up a little. Loosen up. Get excited once in a while.

Lap 200 -- Helio, Dixon, Wheldon, Hornish (gets Sharp at the line for fourth), Sharp, Vitor, Tony, Kosuke, Ed, Tomas, Herta. Danica 12th (one lap down). Marco 14th (one lap down) and Eddie 17th (three laps down).

Let's go to Jamie who is chasing Dan Wheldon. Reminds me of one of those 60 Minutes ambush interviews in a parking lot complete with glaring lighting. Dan can't get away from the track fast enough because he's pissed. Won't even stop to talk to Jamie. Right here it looks like Dan pulls his arm forcefully away from Jamie who was grabbing him by the elbow. Kind of like a "Don't touch me, OK?" movement. Difficult to say for sure. Dan says they "gifted another one to Penske." Gotta keep working. Gotta keep walking as well, apparently. He must have to go to the restroom or something.

Goodyear loves the spirit. When Wheldon wins, the spirit allows him to stop an talk to Jamie for four hours but when he loses, the spirit says head for the trailer.

Down to Jamie who has cut off Sam. "We're on the walking tour down here," says Jamie. Oh, she's on her game tonight. Sam at least stops to talk to her. Says he ran out of fuel coming down pit lane. "Win as a team, lose as a team." Instruments said there was .7 gallon left in the tank. Had them right where we wanted them, but "Kind of a bad day but what are you going to do about it?" Apparently not pout in Sam's case. Sammy gives a shout out to Helio for winning it. Sam got Sharp at the line for fourth.

Helio climbs the fence. Gives his pit crew shout outs for winning it in the pits. Dixon is still on pit row with Jamie who must run her ass off after the race is over. Dixon is OK with second. After having to drive a pig Toyota all last year life is good for Dixon. He's got his Blackberry out seconds after the race.

With all the green flag laps, we got time to interview 12th place! (Screw places 5 through 11.) 12th place just happens to be Danica. !!! Danica is the only driver who has completed 100% of the laps. First time in the Dallara, how'd it go. Danica -- Cautious on the restarts. I like to finish. Got caught out there a few times.

Next race: Richmond. .75-mile bull Ring. June 24. 8 p.m. eastern. ESPN 2. Traditionally the most circus music of any IRL race.

IRL Announces Little vs. Wheldon -- Pit Wall War I

Please note: If you think any of what is below is true you need medical attention. I made it all up.

If you thought Marco vs. Eddie was great, the Indy Racing League hope's you'll really go for Jamie vs. Danny.

In a bold marketing move, the Indy Racing League Sunday announced that driver Dan Wheldon and ABC/ESPN Pit Reporter Jamie Little would hold an exibition mud wrestling match during the coming off week. The match was tentatively scheduled for June 17 in Charlotte, N.C., one week before the race at Richmond International Raceway. The location was not announced.

"Dude, I'm thinking this will bring them running," said David Zwiggleman, Director of Stunts for the IRL. "I mean, think of it -- Dan in a Speedo and Jamie in a bikini. Hot-hot-hot. Three rounds of mud wrestling to settle this whole post-race thing once and for all. We're calling it Pit Wall War I."

Zwiggleman said the televised interview between Little and Wheldon after Target Chip Ganassi lost another race to Marlboro Team Penske at Texas on June 10 inspired the idea. During the inverview immediately after the race, Little had to chase down Wheldon who was so pissed off he was running for his trailer. Little caught up to Wheldon, appeared to touch his arm causing Wheldon to jerk his arm roughly away from Little but not break stride as he headed for his trailer.

Super slow mo reviews of the tape by many racing chat room posters came back mixed. Either Wheldon was "stretching" or getting untangled from a mic cord or ripping his arm away from Jamie.

"Doesn't matter," said Zwiggleman. "Look at all the publicity we got when Marco Andretti just shook his fist at Eddie Cheever and his dad called him 'a complete waste.' It was more free pub than we've had in a year. I almost wish Wheldon had taken a swing at Little or something."

Little and Wheldon were both apparently amenable to the deal. For Wheldon's part, he was happy to do "anything that didnt' involve Danica" plus show off a little beef cake and Little said the match may get "the producers who are always screaming for me to get here and there and talk to him or her off my back for a while. Geez."

Vegas oddsmakers gave Wheldon a slight advantage in the match due to his "ongoing rage issues."

"But don't count Jamie out," said one bookie. "She's got good size, great muscle tone and I think she could kill a man with that pony tale." Reports that the two had a side bet that involved Wheldon's white-framed sunglasses couldn't be confirmed.

In related news, Penske racing denied rumors that it had met last week to divide the remaining race victories between its drivers, Helio Castroneves and Sam Hornish Jr. "Absolutely not," said a team spokesman. "We decided that we'd let Helio and Sam settle it on the track. All we ask is that they try to race in such a way as Andretti Green Racing can see the action from their spot back in fifth place."

Champ Car Loses Allmendinger, Renames Itself ZAL

Note to the gullable -- everything below is made up

In a daring move to increase popularity in the U.S., the Champ Car World Series today announced the departure of the only American driver on the circuit and renamed itself the Zero Americans League.

"We really believe this is the key to making Champ Car into an American success," said Zippy Tzerdoff, Director of Marketing for Champ Car. "If this pans out, we might go to the next step, which is to encourage teams to fire all English speakers. That move would naturally not include Rookie Sensation Katherine Legge who is from England and, technically, speaks English."

Tzerdoff's comments came after the Champ Car team RuSport fired American A.J. Allmendinger and replaced him with Brazilian Christiano da Matta. Champ Car officials declined to say if the move was in direct response to the general unpopularity of the United States on the geo-political scene.

"I figured maybe it was because everyone was pissed off at us because of Iraq, etc.," said Felix Johnson, professor of political science at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa. "But then I googled 'Champ Car' and when it came back 'racing' I went back to my lunch. I mean, I have a life after all and it's not like we're talking about NASCAR."

Champ Car officials said, on the bright side, that U.S. television ratings can't get much worse so now might be the right time to try an Ameircan-free format.

In a related move, the league changed its name from "Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford" (BPCCWSPF) to "Bridgestone Presents the Zero American Lague Powered by Cosworth" (BPZALPC). The resulting reduction of one initial is expected to cut print production costs dramatically and appeal to the growing segment of Americans who want to watch a sport that is 100% American-free.

In other news, the Indy Racing League moved to quell concerns that running 19 cars on the Texas Motor Speedway Saturday night would create "congestion on the track that's ripe for disaster." "We've been assured that TMS can handle at least 20, if not 25 cars safely, so there's no need to fear that 19 will be a problem," an IRL spokesman said. The spokesman also blamed driver Eddie Cheever Jr. for the difficulty. To which Cheever responded, "I won the Indy 500, you know."

Notes from the 2006 Watkins Glen Indy Grand Prix

Notes from the ABC broadcast of the Watkins Glen Indy Grand Prix on 6/4/06.

pressdog's beer of the race is Budweiser Select. Not bad for an American light beer.

Holy Tape Delay! Pressdog blows the tape timer and misses the first nine laps. Shades of Motegi. We'll pick it up at lap 9. But first ...

Starting lineup: Helio Castroneves, Tony Kanaan, Marco "Rookie Sensation" Andretti, Scott Dixon, Dan Wheldon, Sam Hornish Jr., Dario Franchitti, Vitor Meira, Bryan "World of" Herta, Ryan "Pinch Driver" Briscoe, Buddy Rice, Kosuke Matsuura, Jeff "No Relation to Gene" Simmons, Scott "Looking" Sharp, Tomas Scheckter, Danica "Former Rookie Sensation" Patrick, Eddie Cheever Jr., Ed Carpenter, Felipe Giaffone.

Practice on Saturday was with the rain tires. Start today was on the rain tires too.

Flash back via lap chart to Lap 5 -- Kanaan, Helio, Prince Marco, Dixon, Meira, Hornish, Franchitti, Wheldon, Herta, Brisco

Lap 9 (when I got home and figured out my VCR was screwy) -- Jamie Little (put her in a car!) talking about Scheckter switching from rain tires to slicks. Rain tires start to chunk off when it's not raining. Too much heat for them or some such.

Scheckter on slicks turning the fastest laps of the race. Simmons leads. Hornish pits to ditch rain tires. Everyone coming in to ditch the rain tires.

Danica gets loose (watch it)! In car video of her getting fishy. Didn't hit anything.

Lap 10 -- yellow yellow yellow. Simmons noses into the tires coming out on cold slicks. I think he did the same thing as Danica but didn't save it.

Lap 12 - Dixon passes Helio. Sam spins and stalls. Yellow yellow yellow. Dramatic in-car video of Wheldon missing a spinning, smoking Sam. Shout out to Wheldon for getting it under control and not darting Sam. Hornish will go a lap down as they get him back underway.

Scott Goodyear -- as track dries, the preferred racing line dries but the passing line stays wet. So, pull out to pass and you get on the wet stuff.

Jack Arute -- Matsuura, Sharp and Hornish topped off.

Lap 15 -- green green green -- Scheckter, Kanaan, Marco, Dario, Dixon, Helio, Vitor, Ryan Briscoe (!), Wheldon, Rice. Danica 12th.

Looks to be an estimated 17 people in the stands. Booth posse says it's 55 degrees and crappy out.

Dario and Dixon make a Marco sandwitch passing him high and low head into the bus stop doing about 178. In-car video of Marco doing a big-ass, dirt-trackish fish tail slide.

Lap 16 -- Yellow, yellow, yellow -- Dario and Rice are off. Dario in the gravel trap. Rice is off the course in the tires but is hung up and can't get it going again. In-car video of Dixon getting sideways.

Rusty -- Danica using her fuel position knob as a sort of traction control. Goes P8 when it's dicy and then goes up to P1 when she's ready to race (tires are warmed, track dried, etc.) Interesting.

Air temps in the 50s today. Tires are made to run in the 70s or higher. Marty gives the fans who showed up a shout out given the crappy weather.

The Root -- Helio in to top off under yellow. Try to extend the fuel window.

Safety peeps have Dario to the side of the track but he's still hung up. Can you imagine the radio traffic there? Lots of words that start with F.

Jamie -- Buddy on the radio. Crew says stay out if the tires and car are OK (which Buddy says they are).

Lap 18 -- Scheckter leads.

Green-green-green. Briscoe is 6th. DRR is doing shots in their pits. It's a party!

Yellow, yellow, yellow. Danica spins on restart. Danica radio: "(unintelligible), seriously. What's the deal? .... WHAT'S the deal?" Easy there, Danica. I'm sure they're sending a limo for ya.

Now we got Matsuura and Simmons in a heap. Cue the circus music! We got cars sliding every which way. Replay shows Matsuura got sideways in front of Simmons and Simmons was SCREWED. Simmons hits Matsuura and gets him up in the air a bit. Wild ride from the in-car camera.

Jamie -- Danica in the pit to get a new front wing. Danica says Eddie Cheever Jr. darted her from behind on the restart. Danica on the radio -- "Cheever -- is an idiot."

We'll go side-by-side for a commercial during which the camera sticks with Eddie to see if he1) darts anyone else or 2) pulls over and weeps out of raw remorse for hitting Danica. Neither happens.

Lap 23 -- replay of Danica in the pits. Danica radio -- "This is stupid. It's rediculous out there. Cheever -- is an idiot." Lap 24 Danica pits to top off.

Down to Punch, M.D. -- Wheldon made one stop and is getting such good mileage that Chip thinks he can make it on one more stop.

Lap 24. Green-green-green. Rusty opines on how great Marco is. "I tell you what, this kid isn't afraid of anything."

Lap 25 -- Wheldon, Herta, Helio, Dixon, Rice, Vitor, Cheever, Kanaan, Marco, Briscoe!

The Root -- Vitor is looking for cash. Needs sponsorship. Mr. Blank Side Pods. No sponsor. Talks about Panther auctioning off stuff to keep racing before the season started. Talks about the crew all selling their plasma to make ends meet. (OK, so I made up the plasma part.)

Rusty -- can't understand why Vitor has no sponsor for so good of a car. Goodyear should bust out the Canadian abacus and do the math on the IRL's questionable return on sponsorship investment for Rusty.

In-car of Marco going sideways through the corner. He's like a dirt track racer out there, I swear.

Lap 27. Marco blows by Eddie and Kanaan. Eddie gets passed by Kanaan. Briscoe and Scheckter behind Eddie and closing fast.

Briscoe gets a shout out from Goodyear who says he deserves an opportunity to be back in Indy Car. Marty points out that Briscoe had 7 crashes in 14 starts last year. (May have owners a bit spooked.) This gives us a great opportunity to replay the Chicago crash from last year (on 9/11!). Briscoe got airborne, hit the wall undertray first, car busts in two. Video of briscoe sitting in the tub, pretty much knocked out.

Jamie -- Ryan Briscoe is very excited to be in the car. Feels good on the road course. Not so sure about the oval.

DRR with a car on the lead lap headed for the Top 5. Not since Sarah Fisher got 4th at Richmond about 5 years ago.

Rusty can't let the Vitor Meira thing go. "I don't understand why this thing is unsponsored. If I was Harrah's (sponsored Vitor at Indy) I'd be on that pretty fast." Problem here, Rusty, is for $2 million you get $500,000 worth of exposure. Not that great of a return. HENCE the IRL's sponsoring difficulty. Not just about who's winning.

Let's go to Punch who is down with Mike Andretti. Mike says Marco is doing a heck of a job. Doing what he's supposed to doing. Punch asks if maybe Marco should be more patient. Mike -- No. He's going for it. That's what he's supposed to do. Mike knew Marco would be strong, but not this strong.

Lap 29 -- Wheldon leads by 3.4 seconds.

Lap 31 -- Triple J Ranch report. Jack talks about Vitor feeling the pressure to stay competitive. Says the team is "putting the whip to the jockey-sized Brazilian." I don't think there's any cause to start whipping people. I mean, come on. Punch chimes in and says Marco is great. Marco may be the new Danica.

Lap 33 -- Tony 6th. Herta says his visor is fogging. Very difficult to see. He's putting it up, cracking it, trying to defog.

Jamie -- Briscoe's first time in an Indy Car this year. Started 10th. Up to 8th. All is well in DRR pit. Thrilled to see #5 doing well. This race has already pretty much broken the record for the total amount of air time DRR got in all of 2005.

Lap 34 -- In-car with Dario during side-by-side commercial.

The Geikco gecko sounds a bit like Dan Wheldon to me. Could just be me.

In-car with Danica.

Rusty on Marco -- "He's just looking wild out there."

Lap 36 -- Pitting. Wheldon in. 10.0. Marco into third. 1.5 seconds faster than the race leaders.

Marco posts fastest lap of the race at 127.287 mph.

Lap 38 - Helio, Dixon, His Highness (Marco), Vitor, Kanaan, Briscoe (!), Scheckter, Giaffone (!), Wheldon, Herta.

Wheldon goes straight through the chicane (bus stop) but wisely waits for the car that was in front of him to get through before coming back out. No penalty because he didn't improve his position.

Hornish is working on Dixon. Hornish would like to get his lap back. Where's the Lucky Dog when you need it?

Lap 40 during side-by-side Marco is toast. Into the tires. He's pissed. Fist shaking. Very Andretti-esque. Eddie Cheever and Marco got together and Eddie hip checks him off the road. Replay shows Marco was going on the high side of a left-hand turn, went through a puddle and got assed off the track as Eddie turned into the corner.

Lets go down to Mike -- "The guy (Cheever) is a complete waste. He doesn't belong out there on the track. He's a complete idiot. The guy shouldn't even be allowed on the track. The guy just blatantly takes the kid out."

Marty -- So that's two drivers now who think Eddie is an idiot (Marco and Danica in case you're keeping track at home).

Goodyear says Eddie was taking the normal racing line when it happened. Faults Eddie for not knowing Marco was there. Maybe Marco was foolish to try and pass there. Attention all drivers, please pull over immediately and let Marco by. He has a fast car and he's an Andretti. Over and out.

Rusty had just been talking about Marco driving like a freak and "looking wild out there" but now has nothing critical to say of Marco. Somebody call a Cop Out.

Pitting. Helio loses five spots. Wheldon stalls. No, he broke a half shaft. Cheever blamed (kidding).

Lap 41 -- Punch with Marco. Says Cheever's hipcheck was "blatant, absolutely on-purpose deal. He's going to say he didn't know I was there then he shouldn't be in this series." If he didn't know I was there, "that's a little scary." If he didn't know I was there he shouldn't be on the track.

Lap 46 -- This is a timed event. 25 minutes left. We've had five yellows.

Buddy leads. Rahal Letterman will be switching to Dallaras for Texas next week.

Lap 46/47 -- Green, green, green. Dario and Tomas are off the course. Says green. Scheckter is back on the track. Still green. Dario is done but he's way off. The IRL goes with a local yellow. First time in history, perhaps.

Lap 48 -- Dixon, Rice, Vitor, Briscoe (!), Giaffone (!!), Helio, Sharp, Scheckter, Ed Carpenter (!!!), Kanaan.

Herta and Kanaan get together. Kanaan dove under Herta and Herta thwacked him. Kanaan needs a new nose (bah!) and Herta has a cut tire. Kanaan kind of bonsai-ed in there an got hit.

It may be raining again on lap 49. Sprinkles. Big decision on the rain tires coming up.

Jamie with Eddie -- Marco deal: Eddie says he was just out of the pits on new, cold tires. Marco passed on the high side. No room fo rme to move. I regret that it happened. I'm out of the race too. Wasn't on purpose. Danica deal: on the restart. I got inside and she didn't stay up or slipped or something and came down into me. Marco deal "I was just doing everything I could to keep the car straight." If he or his father say I'm out to get them that's not the case.

I think Marco et al got a little overly knotted up, personally. Replay shows Eddie didn't swerve or leave the race line. Marco was a little nutty for going outside Eddie at that point IMO and could have passed him a bit later without trouble. Booth guys had just been talking about maybe Marco needs to stay patient but now they give him a free pass on the accident.

Lap 50. yellow yellow. Kanaan sideways on the track. Five minutes to go in the race. Briscoe is now third. Holy shit. DRR car headed for the podium? DRR is setting up the beer bong in their pit.

Lap 51 pits are open. Dixon stays out. Decides to go with the slicks not the rain tires. Everyone else stays out too.

Lap 52 -- green green green. Yellow yellow yellow. Scheckter around.

Lap 54, looks like we'll go green and then get the green and white together.

Vitor is second, Briscoe 3rd. Chip Cam activated. Not much going on with Chip.

Rusty -- "I don't think I've ever watched drama like this unfold. These IRL cars just get me. They're fast, the racing has been unbelieveable all year long and their's always a story every race."

Green and white -- Dixon has the hammer down. Stretching it out. Has a bit of a wiggle!

Dixon wins. Dixon radio -- "Woe." Vitor is second. Rusty -- "Give me a reason not to sponsor this car." DRR's Briscoe is THIRD.

Dixon has won 2 of 5 IRL road courses and back to back at Watkins Glen. Down to Punch with Dixon -- how did you decide to stay on the slicks? Dixon said he was hoping it was the right call. The rain appeared to be letting up or not coming as bad. Chip is happy. Finish is Vitor's 5th second place finish. Ed Carpenter is 6th. Rusty says Marco was impressive.

Notes from the 2006 Camp Car World Series Milwaukee Mile 225

Notes taken during the SPEED broadcast of the Time Warner Cable Road Runner 225 at the Milwaukee Mile on 6/4/06

Welcome to the Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF) at Milwaukee, the oldest continually operating oval tack in the world (Since 1903)

In a shocking development, Sebastien Bourdais has won the pole. Derek Daly tells us that Bourdais has never led at Milwaukee.

(In a somewhat disconcerting production move, I don't believe booth announcers Derek Daly and Rick Benjamin got one second of on-camera time the whole entire race.

Starting lineup: Sebastein "Try to act shocked" Bourdais, Bruno Junqueira, A.J. "The Lone American" Allmendinger, Justin Wilson, Will Power, Mario Dominguez, Oriol Servia, Katherine "Show Some" Legge (first mention of Legge comes at 2:38 in the broadcast), Nelson Phillipe, Paul Tracy, Speedy Dan Clarke, Andrew "Lone" Ranger, Charles Zwolsman, Jan Heylen, Nicky Pastorelli, Alex Tagliani, Christiano "What's" da Matta does not start for some reason (must be none of our business because SPEED doesn't tell us) and gets a DNS.

Race officials are immediatly concerned if there is room for 16 whole cars on the Milwaukee Mile. Could be crowded out there!

Derek -- Bourdais credits the speed he has this year to help from Oriol Servia last year. Thanks so much, Oriol!

Let's light this candle. Green-green-green. Yellow-yellow-yellow. Starter waved it off. Hey, we're all professionals here.

Bill Stephens says Tracy is going to make up as many spots as he can right out of the chute. That would be highly uncharacteristic of Tracy to come out blazing.

Green-green-green. Bourdais got about a 120-yard jump. He's like one second ahead taking the flag.

Yellow-yellow-yellow. Cue the circus music in turn three. Dominguez gets into Bruno and then gets into Tacy. Double play! Replay shows Dominguez goes high and darts Bruno with his right front and then hip checks Tracy out with his right rear.

Daly reminds us that Bruno has two 11-inch long rods and about 18 screws in his back from wrecking at Indy in 2005. Bruno backed it into the wall on this one again. Dominguez pits with a trashed front end. Shades of Long Beach.

Down to Bill with Tracy -- Just a shame. Trying to pass. My teammate (that would be Mario) drove right into the side of Bruno. Crashed three cars out for no reason.

Jan Beekhuis for a race tech feature. RuSport has text messaging up to race control so they can send instant messages. No mention if they use instant message shorthand like "LOL" or maybe "WTF?"

(6/7/06 Edit) --- Holy sh*t! Thanks to several alert posters below, I checked the tape and right here someone says, clearly, "f*ck you" during the broadcast. Here's the transcript after a review of the tape:

Rick Benjamin (talking over video of Justin Wilson driving: "Nine laps are on the board ....

Unidentified voice says over the top of Rick: "f*ck you"

Rick doesn't even react. It's like he didn't even hear it "...under caution, after that incident going into turn three ..."

Sure sounded like a clear "F*ck you" to me. Shout out to the alert listeners and posters below.

(end of edit)

Video of Carl Haas and what appears to be a 18-inch-long cigar. Daly says it's been a "Hang on to your hollyhocks" weekend.

Down to Jan with Mario -- Mario says I went under Bruno, we touched, we spun. Mario's right front suspension is toast. Jan -- did you come up into Bruno? Mario -- Have to watch the replay before I can tell you that.

Lap 13. Green green green.

Katherine Legge is 5th. FIFTH. Someone wake up the queen, Katherine Legge is fifth.

Bourdais is 1.5 seconds in front. Shocking.

Lap 15 -- Bourdais, Allmendinger, Wilson, Oriol, Legge, Phillipe, Will Power, Ranger, Speedy Dan, Zwolsman.

Lap 19 -- Bourdais is starting to lap people, even with 10 laps of yellow. Cue the bitchslapping music. I'm thinking it should be something with a heavy bass line, like a porn movie or something. Or maybe the sound of a paddle hitting a butt with a "Thank you sir! May I have another?"

Lap 20 -- Ruh-roe. Bourdais' right rear is going down. We got ourselves a puncture. The booth guys are on this big time. It may be trouble for Bourdais! Stay tuned! A ray of hope.

Bourdais pits. Hummdinger takes the lead. Derek reminds us it takes "tirty-five seconds to get down pit lane" and pit with the speed limit.

Legge is 4th. Decided lack of frothing about this in the booth.

Yellow-yellow-yellow. Speedy Dan does a slow-mo spin and keeps it out of the wall. Derek calls it a "long, lazy spin." I think Speedy Dan did it just so the field could bunch up on Bourdais and keep him from putting everyone six laps down.

Down to Jan in Bourdais pits. Slaps the microphone next to the puncture in Bourdais' tire. You can hear the hiss. Cool.

Lap 26 -- Legge is 4th. The booth guys are getting Leggemania! Atta boys. Still a long, long, long ways to go to get to the IRL Danica-level stuff but you gotta start somewhere.

AJ leads. Bourdais is a lap down. Like that matters.

Holy Bat Turn. AJ gets sideways going into the pits. Saves it. These Champ Cars slide around on the track like dirt track cars.

Legge stays out. I smell a Danica Moment coming.

AJ pits. Manages to keep it going straight. 10.5 seonds. Wilson in. 9 seconds. Servia in. 8.4 seconds. Yee-haw! That's a pit stop boys.

Lap 27 -- LEGGE LEADS. LEGGE LEADS. Stayed out when everyone pitted and leads the race. Very Danica-esque. Bourdais is right behind her but a lap down. That's going to last about 20 seconds after the green flies.

Bourdais Milwaukee montage. Shows him hitting the wall two years ago.

Green-green-green. Bourdais around Legge by turn two. Got that lap back. For five seconds there after the puncture I thought maybe Bourdais was screwed. Guess not.

Legge leads. Derek says Katherine is relying on Jimmy Vasser for coaching. Katherine gave Vasser a shout out last night when Derek was hanging with her.

Lap 41 -- Wilson passes Legge for the lead.

Down to Jimmy -- Really amazed at how well Legge took to her first oval at Milwaukee. Doing a great job. High fives all around. (Indy 2007. I'm just planting the seed here. Come on, Katherine. You know you want to.)

Lap 45 -- Wilson 1.8 in front of Legge.

I think I dozed off in here somewhere.

Lap 54. 8 cars on the lead lap.

Yellow-yellow-yellow. Yellow flag for "track inspection" (WTF?) This is going to be a yellow for track inspection. What are they going to do out there? Have a beer and set up some lawn chairs for a while?

Video of Phillpe getting wiggly.

Lap 57. Wilson leads. Legge and Bourdais are going to pit. Might as well pit under this 20-minute yellow.

Legge is in. Doesn't want any changes. She's out. Bourdais in. 6.8-second pit. It's just not fair.

Wilson leads.

Lap 63. Someone says they're blowing off marbles from the high line. What? Sha. We're going to have a red flag here to wash down the entire track or something. It's gripping viewing watching the jet dryers.

Michelle Beisner must have gotten the axe or something because we got Bill at the Milwaukee Brewers game with AJ. AJ met Robin Yount and got a Brett Favre jersey. Look for AJ to throw an interception during the race.

Lap 67. Milwaukee police consider sending in the hostage rescue team to get the fans stuck watching a yellow that has no apparent cause out of there.

Bill says Will Power's right side mirror is gone! Video of it. Gone. Some debris ripped it off. Sha. That's kind of close to Will's head, don't ya think? I would have pulled over and parked it if some debris RIPPED OFF A MIRROR ABOUT 24 inches from my face.

Restart? Really? Lap 74! Wake up the queen (or the audience, whichever).

Bourdais has come all the way around the track (aided by the yellow) and is up to 5th now. Now he's fourth and working on Legge and Servia.

KK Cam activated. Kalkhoven in the PKV pits. Very proud of Katherine.

Wilson is 4.4 in front of AJ.

Lap 85. Nelson. Feeling confident. Flash back to friday when he speared his gear box into the SAFER barrier. Crew worked all night to get the back up read. Shout out to the crew.

Lap 87. Nelson passes Bourdais. There's something you don't see every day. Wait a second, Bourdais is back around Nelson. Clearly, Bourdais is toying with the field.

Lap 92 -- Wilson, Oriol, Bourdais, Nelson, AJ, Will Power, Katherine, Ranger, Chuck Zwolsman, Speedy Dan.

Bourdais is all over Servia. Lap 97 goes low. McDonald's team says the car is fine.

Lap 100 -- Wilson, Bourdais, Servia, Nelson, AJ, Power, Legge, Ranger, Zwolsman, Speedy Dan.

102 -- Boudais leads. Pitting. AJ gets some new tire pressure. Oriol gets some wing. Derek says it's "hair-em scare-em time." (?)

Bourdais is now ahead by 15 SECONDS. that's more than half a lap. Legge is in second. There are two cars on the lead lap, Bourdais and Legge.

Lap 116 -- Bourdais is alone on the lead lap. He has lapped the field. Cue the bitchslap music. "Thank you sir! May I have another?"

Lap 124 -- Nelson fifth. Katherine second. Derek says you "daren't back out of the power" now.

128 -- Bourdais is now nearly two laps up on everyone. Bourdais pits. Under green. Comes out of the pits. And is still in the lead. I never even heard of that before. That is the pure definition of a bitchslap.

Boudais leads by 10.6. If this was a boxing match, they'd stop it. Only getting darted from above by a helicopter-launched Maverick missile will stop Bourdais from winning this one.

Legge third. Ranger 4th. Legge pits. Asks for no adjustments. They give her some wing anyway.

Cut to about five minutes of race recap under green. I guess it's better than watching Bourdais put everyone five laps down.

Lap 146. Bourdais may have, in fact, finished the race by now. Not sure. He could pull over for a Big Mac, get out of the car, take off his helmet, get the drink, get back in, get helmeted up and still be ahead. Derek laments the fact that Bourdais can't get a sniff from the F1 people. Seems crazy given the number he continues to do on Champ Car.

Lap 153 -- Yellow yellow yellow. "Debris." What-EVER. Getting rid of more marbles so people stay out of the wall OR a "this is f-cking embarrasing" yellow to at least get Bourdais within sight of second place.

This'll be a 13-lap yellow for debris. Is this NASCAR or something?

Given the hour-long yellows, we're going to a timed race. 24 minutes to go until the b-slapping stops. People who paid to see an entire race are no doubt very excited about having a timed event given that about a half an hour of it was consumed by phantom yellows.

Lap 155 -- Derek, trying desperately to defibrillate this race back to life, talks about how maybe after Wilson pits he may have some even wildly remote chance of running down Bourdais. I love an optimist.

Lap 158 -- Bill with Will Power's people who are very disappointed. Something busted (universal joint). He's toast.

Back to Bill with Will Power. Car was running well. Tell us about losing the mirror. Power says there was a pretty big piece of debris coming at his head. Sha.

Jan -- Carl Russo for RuSport. They have two good race cars out there. Jan asks if it's good enough to catch Bourdais. Carl says he doesn't know, but we'll find out. Jan asks what he's going to do to stay within sight of Bourdais for the rest of the year. Russo says he's going to "Kiss Paul Newman on the lips, that's what I'm going to do." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Jimmy Vasser: Oriol is great. Katherine is great. It's all great.

Champ Car waves lapped cars around so that lead lap cars can get behind Bourdais. Down to Craig Hampson who says he wishes they hadn't done that. The rules say they do that in the "final laps" in the race but there are still 40-some laps left. "But, they want to put on a godo show for the fans." Craig acts like it will have some remote bearing on the finish of the race.

Craig. Dude. They could wave second through fifth around and put them IN FRONT OF Bourdais and he still wins.

Lap 165, someone wakes up the flag guy and he waves the green flag!

Boudais, Wilson, Nelson, AJ, Oriol, Legge.

Lap 170 Bourdais leads by 1.8 seconds. (Just run the bitchslapping music in the background for the rest of the race.) Let's go to some video for the battle for 8th in a 13-ish car field between two cars who are five laps down. That's how bad it's gotten.

Boudais is now four seconds ahead and steering with his knees. Replay of Nelson getting a major twitch.

51 seconds to go. White flag. Bourdais wins. Shocking. It's like a jolt of electricity through my body this unexpected result. Bourdais says on his radio "This one is for yoooooooou. You gave me the car to win this race."

Down to someone with Bourdais -- leak in the tire. Thought maybe this wouldn't be the day. Car was a rocket ship. Feels so good.

Finish -- Bourdais, Wilson, Nelson, AJ, Oriol, Katherine (Rick -- "Best finish for a woman in the history of Champ Car!") Ranger, Speedy Dan, Zwolsman, Pastorelli.

Wilson happy with second. Nelson happy with third. Down to Jan with Legge. Right after Derek said that Katherine looked like she felt in command at points in the race. Jan -- "Did you feel like you were in command during parts of the race?" Legge --"Hell no." Car was good. Then got some understeer. Big understeer late. Jan -- "What's did it feel like to lead?" Legge -- It felt good but that's just part of my job. It should be like that every time."

Tune in on June 18 to watch Bourdais win at Portland.