Friends Worry Castroneves May Cross Dresss to Regain Media Spotlight

Note: This is all fiction. Most every word of it. (Helio did show up with a Danica shirt on, that part is true).

Friends and family of Marlboro Team Penske driver Helio Castroneves have become concerned that his fondness for media attention may soon cause some desperate fashion choices.

The disturbing trend started when two-time Indy 500 champion Castroneves wore a Danica Patrick T-shirt to the autograph session on June 8 in the Dallas area. The official explanation was that Helio lost a bet with Luke de Ferran, son of former Indy racer Gil de Ferran, about whether he would finish ahead of Danica Patrick at the Indy 500. Patrick was fourth; Castroneves ninth.

Insiders, however, saw it as a shocking cry for attention from the gregarious Brazilian who has a reputation for climbing fences when he wins. Castroneves' last victory came in October 2004 on a controversial restart. Lately Helio has consistently finished behind teammate, Sam Hornish, Jr.

And all drivers have lately lived in the short shadow of IRL Rookie Sensation, Savior and Meal Ticket, Danica Patrick (5-1, 100 pounds). Insiders fear that Castroneves hasn't taken it well and settled on the "if you can't beat them, join them" strategy.

"OK, we found some boxes for women's fashion boots outside Helio's motor home, sure," said a member of his staff, "but that does not mean Helio purchsed the boots. Same size as he wears, but lots of people wear that size. Hey, he has small feet, OK?"

IRL watchers weren't so convinced. "All I'm saying is, if Helio shows up in a skirt and boots and says he 'lost a bet,' I'm sure not buying it," said an IRL pundit. "That's a cry for help, my friends."

In other news, the positive reaction to Danica's starting third and finishing 13th at Texas Motor Speedway June 11 caused the president of the Sarah Fisher fan club to release the following statment: "WTF?"