Texas Motor Speedway 2005 Bombardier Learjet 500k Notes

Notes from the ESPN broadcast of the Bombardier Learjet 500k at Texas Motor Speedway on 6/12/05

Welcome to the standard ESPN/ABC IRL race opening, a montage of Danica, complete with an ode to Danica rap song and the term "rookie sensation" used upwards of 213 times. Some of my favs, "the five-foot dynamo that has put the buzz back into the IRL" She's interviewed in the Herbie cap. They been reading my blog! The Herbie thing is my idea. I should get an autographed Lindsay Lohan photo out of it at a minimum.

This just in from the Dallas Morning News (6/10/05 Q&A with Terry Blount), Danica dissing the females:

Q: Can you appreciate those women that came before you, Lyn St. James, Janet Guthrie, Sarah Fisher, and would you be here in this position if it weren't for them?

PATRICK: I respect them, I acknowledge the fact that what they've done has helped, as they always say, pave the way. I think that everything that women do along the way that's good, helps. The things they do if they're bad, hurt, and they just keep reaffirming that there's not been a woman that has really been able to do it yet. Would I be here without them? I mean, the right thing to say is no, but I don't know. I think it's individually based. And just because I'm going out here and doing what I'm doing doesn't mean that all of a sudden there are more women that can do it. You have to have it in you. And I don't think that just because what I'm doing is going to mean that they all of a sudden have talent. They don't. Not all guys do either. There's just a lot more of 'em. (I added the italics.)

Well la-tee-da. Danica's got the rookie sensation racer attitude, you gotta give her that. Maybe she didn't mean to also diss Lyn St. James, but that's how it reads to me. But, I digress. We now return to the regularly scheduled ABC/ESPN Rookie Sensation Lovefest.

Video of Danny Wheldon sporting an "I actually WON the Indy 500" T-shirt. Nice. Jamie Little (put her in a car!) has moved off the Danica beat and now interviews Danny. No mention of Danica during the interview. Shocker!

Tomas and Tomas from Panther get some air time. Crazy. They're Chevy drivers and everything. Scheckter reminds me of Chis Martin from Cold Play. A little bit. Maybe it was the shades. No Gwynth-ish babe lurking in the background, though.

Close up of the famous wing that Enge picked out of the wreckage and put on ebay, complete with Danica autograph. Video of Danica in the car, gloveless, and not sporting those monsterous diamond rings of hers.

ESPN is giving Dan even more air time. Clearly trying to make up for the Indy Danica Love Festival.

Commercials. Capital One Card. One for a drug for genital herpes. Not sure what that says about the demographic.

Vitor and Herta gets some air time. Holy cow. What's going on here? These guys who finished second and third at Indy getting some air time? Who's idea? They have funny smart-ass HELLO MY NAME IS nametags on that say "I finished second (or third) in the Indy 500." I dig it.

Jamie Little with the American Chopper guys. I have no note indicating they even mentioned Danica. This might be a record of non-Danica mentions. Something around four minutes. Ratings may dive.

Booth guys put the crowd at 100,000. Either TMS is MAMMOTH or a lot of them are wearing empty seat camouflage. Pretty big crowd, though, especially for an IRL race. Usually big at TMS.

Cut to a snappy, "high-energy" montage complete with vintage video of AJ slapping Arie in the head. Go Time! If it happened today, I'd say that AJ must have thought Arie was a Toyota rep or something.

Green-green-green.

Yellow. Yellow. Yellow. Kite into the wall on lap 7. Gives us time for our first Danica check. Reports of Danica taking multiple lines in the same lap. Not very sensational. Announcers shilling the Richmond race. "Her only appearance on the Eastern Seaboard" like Danica is U2 on a concert tour or something. If Danica likes Texas, wait until she gets into the little Richmond bull ring. Killer Cheever quote comes to mind here: "Like flying a jet fighter in a gymnasium." BAM. That's why we love Eddie. Too bad Dead Bull racing gets exactly zero air time lately.

We're on board with Danica for the first of many times. Pretty cool shot in the cockpit looking back at her. Too bad they never show it during green (that I can remember) always a yellow shot. The Herbie 53 number is in full effect. Again, it was my idea.

Weldon is 4th. Lap 16, green-green-green-green.

Dan and Sam nearly touch. Goodyear about has a stroke over it. Todd wonders if it will throw off Danica (OK, I made that last sentence up). Danica check: 13th. Started 3rd. Not so good. Now she's 14th.

Buddy is toast. No gears. Stops on the UPS logo. Maybe waiting delivery of a gearbox. Safety crews get there. Nice video of them dragging the car off like a dead water buffalo. That's gotta suck as a driver; sitting in the car and having it dragged off.

Danica check: 13th. Scheckter pits. Out in 4th on Yellow. Kanaan stays with old tires.

Green-green-green

Scheckter around Sam on the high line. Irony savored (someone going around Sam on the high line). Yellow-Yellow-Yellow. Enge is toast. "No power" he says. That's a problem. Maybe ignition.

Roger Yasukawa 10th after starting 18th. Props to my homeys at DRR.

Green-green-green. Yellow-yellow-yellow. Vision into the wall. Wall Vision. Tony George gets some air as an owner. Got the concerned owner look down cold. Many replays. Goodyear says the right front went flat. Gives Ed props for getting it up high so he wouldn't take out anyone. Speculation that Ryan Briscoe and Ed touched.

Todd Harris actually said, "If you're a Danica Fanica ..."

Chippy says Briscoe and Ed got together. That'll be the last air time for Chippy.

We're green. Danica check: Up to 9th! Making her charge forward, possibly. Yasukawa is 7th. Vitor gets passed by about five people. Must have missed a gear or something. Nutty. Danica back to 12th.

More pearls from Todd: "Dan Wheldon is like bad luggage -- he will not go away."

Kosuke almost darts Tony. They're bobbing and weaving like two punch prize fighters. Penske Twins are behind Scheckter. Helio gets way wiggly. Goodyear about has another stroke. Weldon has 63 laps on his tires. Many shout outs to Firestone.

Danica update: Let's check the ESPN online pole. Will Danica win this year? My notes say 59% said yes. My notes must be wrong. I'd think it would be way higher than that. Danica report from the pits: She's in 12th. Everything is fine. Conserving fuel. Uh huh. Right.

Let's go to some video of Dan Wheldon being asked if he's tired of Danica getting all the pub. "I don't care. Who gives a shit?" he says. They bleeped the "shit." Dan looks and sound testy. Churlish, even. Talks about how his mug will be on the Borg Warner and not hers. I'm pretty sure Dan won't be going shoe shopping with Danica any time soon. Maybe if Dan slaps on a thong and goes spread-eagle in front of a .... never mind.

Helio pits. Todd says it might not be scheduled. Goodyear says it's scheduled. Pit reporter sides with Scott. Hornish in. No argument over this one (scheduled vs. not scheduled). Sharp in. Actually blocks a crew chief on the way down pit road. (I made that up). Danica pits! In-car video of Danica pitting. Doing a great job.

TK leads. Dario then Herta. AGR up front. Manning and Dixon get some air -- too bad it's in a Target commercial. Pretty sure nobody on the broadcast said either "Manning" or "Dixon" the whole entire broadcast. Seriously, I don't think Manning has gotten a second of air all year. Only reason Dixon and Briscoe have is they've been in accidents. These are lean days for the Chipster.

Lap 129. TK, Helio, Sam. I think Dixon is actually tenth. Danica check: 13th. Danger Mouse is 17th.

Commercial. Guy pulling a dead car. I think it's a Toyota commercial. Every time I see it I think the guys pulling the old crap cars look a lot like non-Penske Toyota teams. Maybe it's just me.

We're back. Helio last won in October 2004 when he jumped the restart by about half a lap, took the win and got a $50,000 fine if I remember right. Hey, whatever works I guess, but that's a pretty expensive fence to climb.

TK dropping back a bit. Don't got the car to stay up front today. Can get to the lead but not hold it. Danica 12th. TK goes into the grass and then gives Helio a donut on the side pod. Crazy driving out there! Brian Barnhart wears the frowny face. Announcers said Barnhart told the drivers in meetings "no three wide!"

Jamie interviews Buddy Lazier. Going to be back in the car at Nashville and in Michigan. Cool. Buddy drove the hell out of his Chevy at Indy. Did so well that even ABC noticed amid the Danica Show.

But let's go back to Danica for a minute. Danica is 11th. May get lapped! ABC/ESPN producers get debris ready to throw on the track for a yellow if she looks to be in danger of getting lapped. (Made that up.) Leaders cycle into the pits. Todd Harris is trying his best to bleed the Danica hype dry "Will there be enough time for Danica to make a move from 13th?" Ah, only if she has a GE aircraft engine strapped back there, Todd. Not even Danica is that good of a driver.

Sharp is second, but he's all over the place. I'm thinking he gets pulled over for weaving like that on the freeway. Maybe I had a bad angle, but there was a lot of bobbing going on.

11 to go, and we have an ESPN 30 at 30 update. Horrid timing. Side-by-side with 11 to go with TK up front and Hornish off Scheckter's right rear. Not good. I think a pass for the lead actually came during the 30 at 30 bit.

Speaking of, I'm thinking there's no bigger nightmare for an IRL driver than to have Hornish hanging off your right rear with under 10 to go. He's like Gretsky behind the net back there, setting up shop. Penske and Scheckter working together to get by Kanaan. The non-Hondas are ganging up on the AGR and Rahal teams. I love this. Danica check: 13th.

Sam can't make the famous Hornish Turn 4 Slingshot move. Scheckter breaks the curse. A non-Honda wins! Sun freezes.

Scheckter (I don't believe did any donuts). This is very refreshing to me. I love Tomas more and more. He made a couple victory laps and headed for winner circle. Fabulous. Let's rush over and interview Danica. She talks about having a lot to learn as a rookie at Texas. Very true. No mention of her height and weight in the interview, though. May be a first. (Note: I later find out Scheckter did do many donuts and I just spaced if off, apparently.)

Scheckter interview. Gives props to the team. Gives props to Chevy. Barnes says they're going to party like Danicas (celebrities) into the wee small hours. I'd have cracked a beer as Tomas took the checkered if I was him.

© 2005 Bill Zahren