IRL Investigating Discovery of NASCAR Playbook

Note: below is 100% fiction.

Indy Racing League officials confirmed Thursday that a NASCAR publication was discovered dangerously close to an area used by IRL teams.

IRL officials said unidentified track workers found a NASCAR playbook in the trash outside the garages at the Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, CA.

"We found what appears to be a NASCAR playbook outside the garage area at Infineon/Sonoma/Sears Point," said an IRL investigator who asked not to be named. "Of course, officially, we don't want any IRL team within miles of the NASCAR playbook." Track workers had emptied the trash immediately before Sunday's IRL race at Infineon, so investigators know it must have been left there during or immediately after the race.

IRL officials would not comment on the discovery so soon after Andretti Green driver Brian Herta inexplicably forgot how to drive and spun at just the right time in just the right place to give teammate Marco Andretti the full-course yellow he needed to make his dwindling fuel last until the end of the race. Some fans have since pronounced AGR guilty of "a total NASCAR move."

AGR and Herta have denied any high jinks. "Marco won fair and square," a team spokesman said. "Herta's spin was just one of them racing deals that just happened to come at exactly the right time in exactly the right place in exactly the right way to help young rookie sensation Marco win."

The investigation turned ominous late Thursday, however, when ABC/ESPN investigative reporter Jack Arute made a startling discovery. In a video released by ABC/ESPN, a firesuited Arute holds up the playbook.

"Investigators into this case examined this book and made a startling discovery," said Arute while flipping through the book as the cameraman lunged in for a closeup. "When they looked at the spine and checked the page numbers, investigators determined that the book had been altered. That close examination led the IRL to believe that someone, indeed," -- Arute moves the mic closer to his mouth to increase amplification -- "has taken a page out of the NASCAR playbook. Back to you, guys."

The IRL declined to comment further on the investigation.

In other news, IRL Passionate Competitor Danica Patrick is slated to sing "Take me Out to the Ball Game" during the 7th-inning stretch of the Chicago Cubs game on Sept. 7. When Sarah Fisher, who is testing at Chicagoland Speedway today, learned of Danica's move, she responded, "Oh yeah? Well, I twirl a mean baton. Sometimes I even light them on fire."

Rusty Wallace Names Dodge "Official Crash Sponsor"

Note to the easily fooled -- Rusty was in a crash and did thank Dodge afterward, but the rest is made up. Read a real story about the crash here.

Former NASCAR champion Rusty Wallace today named Dodge as his "Official Crash Sponsor."

Rusty, who drove to fame in the #2 Dodge Deuce, made the announcement a day after a woman chattering on a cell phone T-boned her Mercedes into Rusty's 2006 Dodge Durango in Cornelius, N.C.

"What the hell was your spotter looking at?" Wallace allegedly said to the distracted driver he got out of his dented Dodge Durango. "I'm on the lead lap here. Use your head a little." Wallace then reminded spectators that he never had this problem at the Rolex 24-hour race he ran with Danica Patrick (5' 1", 100 pounds).

After emerging from the wreck with his wife, Patti (both uninjured) Wallace apparently snapped back into interview-after-crash NASCAR Mode: "You hear car companies talk about safety a lot," Wallace said after the crash, "but I can tell you that Patti and I are both really thankful for the research and development that Dodge puts into the safety of their vehicles."

No one involved in the accident required medical attention. The driver of the Mercedes said she was ironically talking to her husband about the results of the most recent NASCAR race when she lost concentration a smacked Wallace.

"Just like Bristol, huh Rusty?" the woman said. "Really glad nobody was hurt. Looks like I put a pretty big dent in your hot rod, though. As they say at the track, 'just one of them racin' deals.' I'd like to thank Verizon for making such a reliable product. The whole time I was blowing a red light and smacking Rusty my reception was crystal clear. They have a phenominal network. Go to www.verizonwireless.com to learn more."

The 50-year-old Wallace said he and his wife were on their way home after doing color commentary for the IndyCar Series race in Sonoma, CA and taping the "NASCAR Angels" television show over the weekend.

The driver of the Mercedes was surprised to receive a ticket for failure to yield to a celebrity. "Rusty. Come on. Y'all intentionally bang into each other and spin each other out on purpose in NASCAR and get no penalties. But I get a ticket for accidentally hitting you on the street? WTF?"

Wallace called the woman a "crazy cat." The woman finally simmered down after Wallace presented her with a signed DaimlerChrysler coat. "I guess since Dodge and Mercedes are both German companies, we'll let it go. All in the teutonic family," the woman said.

Notes from the 2006 Indy Grand Prix of Sonoma

Note to the peeps: Don't miss a pressdog update ever. Sign up to be on the update email list. Use the boxes at the top right of the home page.

Notes taken during the ESPN broadcast of the Indy Grand Prix of Sonoma at Infineon Raceway, Sonoma, CA. on Aug. 27, 2006.

Pressdog's beer of the race is Sierra Nevada Wheat brewed in Chico, CA. Big fan of the wheat. Fruity finish. Light. Fabulous. And, I admit to eating brie. Snooty. Hey, it's a road race. I had a pork tenderloin and a 16-ounce Bud Select at the Knoxville Raceway last night, so don't get the wrong idea about the p-dog. I also wore my jumbo-logoed IRL shirt to the Knoxville track. Sadly, I saw no other IRL shirts thereabouts.

Welcome to the wine country of California. Season So Far Montage. Tightest points race in IRL history. KY montage. Penkse pit on the radio saying "We got completely screwed there." No wave around or something.

Jamie Little (get her in a car) with Sam Hornish Jr. She's got the man-killing pony tail out. Watch her, Sam. If she whips that thing around she could take your head right off. True fact -- in the wild, giraffes can kill a lion with one kick. For some reason I thought of this while Jamie was interviewing Sam. Not sure why. Sam -- Gotta be smart all day. Make it to the end. Jamie -- Starting tenth, what's the strategy? Sam -- Be smart, no mistakes, make it to the end, be patient. Make smart decisions. If Jamie asks him again, I bet he says the same thing again. Anyone?

Jack "The Root" Arute with Scott Dixon. Scott -- Have to win this race to have a shot. Put pressure on the Penskes. Helio is the guy to fight here. Easy to go from hero to zero here so be a little careful.

Jerry Punch, M.D., with Helio Castroneves -- Helio -- Can't be thinking championship here. If can win, I'll go for it. Have the opportunity to make it happen, great. But if not, let the race come to me. Punch -- Last year Helio was taken out on lap 19 and got dead last.

Points recap -- Marty Ried -- "33 markers" between top 4 with two races left.

Up to the booth with Marty, Scott Goodyear and Rusty Wallace. Rusty -- if you get off the course your going to have trouble, especially if you stall the engine. Then you have to get a tow in and that will suck. (Thanks for the insight, Rusty.) Goodyear -- Sam gonna probably struggle. Best he's done on road courses is 7th.

Marty introduces the Carnage and Screw Ups Montage featuring Dan Wheldon snapping a half shaft, Dixon running out of fuel and using beeped-out profanity on the radio, Wheldon blowing the pit stall and having to get pulled back, several others.

Marty -- What's the biggest screw up of the year? Rusty -- Sam Hornish taking the wall in Nashville coming out on cold tires and trying to get past Kosuke Matsuura. Goodyear -- Dan missing his pit in KY and pissing away the race. Marty -- Helio finishing 25th at the Indy 500.

Punch with Wheldon who has his white shades in effect. Had the black shades last race, but he's back to the white-framed numbers. Punch, what up with Target Chip Ganassi? Wheldon -- Need more speed. Wheldon -- I really shouldn't be doing interviews with you (Jerry). Jamie and I are the only ones who do interviews together. Doc to Wheldon -- "So your bad luck on road courses continues." Baaaaa. Fab line, Doc. pressdog line of the race award winner right thurrrrrr. Not sure what the deal is with Wheldon and Jamie. Allegedly Wheldon is hot for one of Jamie's female friends.

Over to Jamie who is with last year's winner, Tony Kanaan. Jamie -- you're still a contender but it might be put up or shut up time. What separates you from those guys? Tony -- I can do more push-ups than them. (Close second on the pressdog quote of the race contest.) Chortle. Gonna need to win and then get some help.

Over to Danica Patrick with Punch. Punch -- very physical driving road courses. How do you prepare? Danica -- feel better this year compared to last year. Worked on all the little muscles that caused her problems last year. Pumps more iron in prep for this race. Doc -- Don't let her 5' 1", 100 pound frame fool you, Danica is one focused, physically fit IndyCar driver.

Marty -- if you ever shake hands with her she has a shake a like a vice grip.

Video of Rusty winning here at "Sears Point" in the old Deuce NASCAR. Won in 90 and 96.

Video of going on a lap with Kanaan. Many turns. Physically demanding.

Down to Johnny Rutherford, pace car driver, for the command. "Drivers, start your engines and follow me."

Starting lineup: Scott "King of the Road Courses" Dixon, Marco "Second Sucks" Andretti, Helio Castroneves, Tony Kanaan, Dario Franchitti, Dan Wheldon, Ryan Briscoe (!), Vitor Meira, Bryan "World of" Herta, Sam Hornish, Jr., Danica " 21-million-dollar-woman" Patrick, Buddy Rice, Kosuke Matsuura, Jeff "Grain alcohol is Your Friend" Simmons, Jeff Bucknum, Ed Carpenter, Scott Sharp, Tomas Scheckter. Scheckter's engine took a crap on him during qualifying so he gets to start in the rear.

Dixon chose the inside for the start. Pole-sitters have their choice of inside or outside of row 1 on the road races. Last year Ryan Briscoe chose outside.

Onboard cameras with Ed Carpender, Dixon, Danica (of course), Dario has Butt Cam, Tony has Rear Wing Cam, Marco has Nose Cam.

Video of Briscoe taking the dirt after breaking a push rod in practice. Didn't hit anything, though. He'll start 7th. Looking to repeat on the podium for Dreyer and Reinbold Racing.

The Root -- Not IF but WHEN for a victory for Marco. Marco wants to win. (That makes him different than every other driver, for sure!) Has the fearlessness and "cerebralness" needed to win on the road course.

Jamie -- Scheckter starts dead last. Got a shoulder injury. Cleared to drive, but sore. Townsend Bell has been doing some relief driving during practice, etc. when Sheckter is too screwed to go.

Keys to the race -- Panoz vs. Dallara, Driver Fitness, Pavement vs. Desert. (Tip: stay on the pavement.)

Much rambling here about fitness. Gotta be fit. Very physically demanding. We got it. Something here also about Popeye muscles. I was getting more brie. Sorry.

Let's light this candle: Green-green-green. We're through the first corners with no flying scrap metal.

Rusty -- Cold tires for 2 to 3 laps and then they will get "the ultimate grip."

Time for our continuing segment called "Why NASCAR is slow and bogus compared to IndyCar."

Rusty -- These cars are incredibly fast. Gotta change the track from the NASCAR configuration or the ultra-fast IRL cars would be flipping through the air in a festival of death for all who dare to drive them. Goodyear -- And we got no power steering like NASCAR.

Rusty Shifting Fixation Episode One: Drivers shift 38 times per lap at Sonoma (aka Sears Point). You only shift 13 times in NASCAR. IRL cars shift 3,040 times during the race. Rusty's mind is blown by this. Goodyear -- That's because we're not a bunch of cool-suited, power-steering-assisted, suck-ass woosies! (OK, I made up the Goodyear sentence. Couldn't resist. But I bet he was THINKING it.)

Jerry -- Sheckter had cortisone shots. May not have the strength to go the distance. But he's up to 13th right now.

Back to How Tough You Gotta Be to Drive an IRL Car -- Marty -- Rusty got into Sam Hornish's car and did the road course at Homestead. Rusty said at one point "I couldn't even turn the thing. The wheel locked up solid."

Lap 4 -- Kanaan into fourth.

Arute -- Some crazy story about a pine cone. I swear. Tony's peeps found a big-ass pine cone by his car in the garage so they put it up in their pit stall. Said pine cone gets more air than half the field. My viewing is enhanced.

Marty -- everyone is pretty much lock step. (Welcome to road racing, Marty.)

Lap 5 -- Dixon, Marco, Helio, Pine Cone Boy (Kanaan), Dario, Wheldon, Briscoe, Miera, Herta, Hornish.

Shifter Cam! Dixon. Target put a big "TARGET" on the front of the shifter knob. Nice.

Lap 7. Marco locks up the Rookie of the Year title.

Crystal Hornish gets air. Rusty says Crystal and Sam were talking race strategy the other day (seriously) and Crystal told Sam not to stall it if he goes off the course. (This is seriously what Rusty was talking about.) Good advice.

Lap 10 -- yellow yellow. Bucknum spins. Replay. Simmons makes a move inside and Bucknum comes down into him. Rusty says Simmons didn't do anything wrong and Bucknum should have known he was there. Apparently Bucknum wasn't part of the alleged Crystal and Sam Hornish conversation because Bucknum stalled it on the course.

Marty -- should people pit on the yellow? Goodyear would pit. NOSE CAM activated. Arute -- Dixon is going to pt. Wheldon in. Fuel only and some wing. Sam in for new tires and fuel. Scheckter, Sharp, Simmons, Ed all pitted.

Lap 13 -- Rusty would put spotters in passing areas on the track. The Bucknum/Simmons contact was one of those places. Rusty says if there were spotters down there, there wouldn't have been a problem. Maybe each team should have a chopper overhead as well.

Punch -- Repairing some damage to Bucknum and he should be back out, albeit laps down.

Lap 15 -- Green. Briscoe gets air. Reminder that last year he took out Danica AND Helio last year.

Briscoe and Matsuura touch. Matsuura going under Briscoe and we got contact.

Rusty calls Danica a "small little gal" who has really been pumping iron. She can almost out lift some of the guys. Riiiiiight Rusty. The day a 100-pound woman can out lift one of the male drivers is the day he should pitch himself off the tippy top of the IMS Pagoda. I'm just saying.

Lap 16 -- Punch -- Briscoe having steering issues.

Lap 17 -- Scheckter right front is going down. Went off the course. Might have punctured it. Rusty warned everyone to stay on the course earlier. Somebody wasn't listening.

Dixon leads by 1.8 seconds.

Doc -- Rahal Letterman gave Rice his release to look at or for other rides in 2007. Buddy needs to be impressive here and in Chicagoland to attract some interest.

Jack -- Dixon's peeps say he made a lot of mileage during the caution. Probably pit around lap 30. Dixon leads by 2.1 seconds. Shifter Cam!

Lap 20 --Dixon, Marco, Helio, Kanaan, Dario, Herta, Kosuke, Vitor, Wheldon, Briscoe.

Lap 21 -- Dixon up by 2.5 seconds. Stretching it out on Marco.

Rusty talks about driving the Rolex 24 Hours race with Danica. Again.

The Root relays a story about Wheldon's fire suit being washed so many times that it shrunk (or, maybe, Wheldon put on a few pounds partying with Jamie). So Wheldon took one of Dixon's suits. Wheldon thought Dixon was so good on the road courses that maybe the suit would bring him luck or something.

The Root admits that his fire suit has fungus in it. (I swear.)

Danica is 10th with Sam working her over from behind (hey, keep it clean out there).

Lap 26 -- Briscoe pits. Dixon ahead by 3.8 seconds.

Lap 27 -- Helio pits.

Jamie reports that Helio is so hot to win the points championship he's even turning down media interviews to focus more on winning. Not like the Happy Brazilian to turn down media.

Vitor pits. Lap 28. About 98% less frothing over how great Vitor is during this race. Got that Lincoln Tech sponsor so maybe the booth guys think their job is done re: Vitor.

Dixon going to pit next according to Jack.

Marco in. Lap 29. Wheldon leads. Dixon and Marco back out. Wheldon, Dixon and DANICA are 1, 2, 3. Danica is third!

Lap 30 -- Wheldon, Dixon, Danica, Marco, Sam, Buddy Rice, Jeff Simmons, Tony Kanaan, Helio, Dario.

Dixon is about one second faster than Wheldon. Only a matter of time.

Triple J Ranch Round Up. (Highlights) -- Wheldon is enjoying leading. Dixon doing what he expected but getting fewer MPGs. Danica is third. Very excited. Feels maybe her vast road course experience may come to bear here.

Danica video inset -- she feels better here than she did last year.

Danica pitted for fuel only on Lap 12, so she'll be coming in.

Marco was screaming into his radio for people to get out of his way but then they figured out they were all on the same lap so Marco had to simmer down. He thought it was lapped traffic blocking him when, in fact, it was people on the same lap blocking him. Whole different deal in road racing.

Jamie says Hornish is in 5th. Points race could be won or lost today. Rice is being patient.

Lap 34 -- Tony is working on Simmons. Doc -- Tony has special driving shoes that he wears every race with the name of the race embroidered on them. Why? Because they make great collectibles. Watch Ebay. Ka-ching for Tony.

Lap 35 -- Buddy must be pitting because on timing and scoring he's down to 15th. None of my business from the booth guys. Don't think ESPN mentions why, ever. They do mention that Dario got scolded for not pitting with leaders.

Lap 36 -- Wheldon up by 3.1 seconds.

Lap 39 -- Wheldon in. The Root -- Stay in the pit long enough to get tires and then leave. Short fill.

Goodyear -- it's a good move. Have to make another stop no matter what so short fill for track position. (Welcome to road racing. It's all won and lost in the pit. All about strategy. The race is just what you do between pit stops.)

Sharp gets lapped.

Lap 40 -- Danica in. 11.7-second pit stop. Hornish beats Danica out.

Crossed flags (half way) Lap 40 -- Dixon, Marco, Jeff Simmons, Kanaan, Helio, Dario, Herta, Sam, Wheldon, Vitor.

Lap 41 -- Simmons in. Sub-9 pit stop.

Dixon is now TEN SECONDS ahead. TEN FRIGGING SECONDS.

Rusty -- Ethanol car. Ethanol fuel is going to be in race cars worldwide. No idea why didn't run ethanol in every race car. Amazing fuel (and sponsor of the IRL race at the Rusty Wallace signature track in Newton, Iowa). Everyone fill up with E10 today!

Lap 44 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Matsuura and Rice. Rice has a busted front wing. Major draggage coming around the course. Rice comes into get a new nose.

Rusty returns to the Spotter Fixation -- Why don't they have spotters there. Goodyear -- there was a time when we drove without spotters. Rusty -- they got mirrors but they don't seem to be using those things either. (I think you finally hit on the real problem, Rusty.)

Lap 45 -- Marco pitting.

It's a jail break down in the pits. Bum rush. Wheldon in for fuel only. Helio leads under yellow.

Goodyear -- Marco about five or six laps short to get to the end. Dixon has to pit before the end.

Lap 47 -- Marco Nose Cam. Jamie earlier in the race Marco "tucked up under Danica and saved fuel."

Marco around Simmons into 8th. Mike gets air in a side-by-side fashion. Marty -- Can any Andretti save fuel? Goodyear -- very difficult. (They drive like crazy burning up the fuel because they want to win.)

Yellow -- Contact. Dan Wheldon and Jeff Simmons. Wheldon damage? Much close-up coverage. Much scrutinzing. No apparent damage. Wheldon has a doughnut on the side, however.

Goodyear -- Marco loves the yellow. More gas mileage.

Arute -- Wheldon not coming in. Wait a second, yes he is.

Lap 51 -- Pits opening. Rusty -- Marco is great. Almost won the 500.

Dixon in. Helio in. Tons of people in. Marco stays out.

Wait a second! Holy Circus Music! Dixon's car isn't high enough to get the left front wheel on. Props to the airjack guy who had the presence of mind to tip the car up so the front left wheel guy could get it on. But it's like a 25-second stop. Dixon comes out in twelfth. He's officially screwed with 27 laps to go unless Marco runs dry, and even then there's a lot of wide-ass cars to get around to get back to the front.

Lap 53 -- green. Hornish in to pit. Not sure why. Learn later that the fuel hose didn't reach the last time he was in so he came back around to pit again.

Hornish spins coming out of the pit. Keeps it going. Rusty -- Doesn't stall it. His wife was talking to him there. Good job Crystal!

Lap 53 -- Dixon 10th and driving like a possessed freak. Rice is down to 12th. Dixon is up to 9th by Lap 54.

Lap 55 -- Kentucky montage. Wheldon's screw up.

Jamie with Penske. Penske is telling Sam to make fuel mileage and keep it on the track.

Lap 58 -- Replay of Dixon sticking his nose under Vitor. Vitor is totally holding up Dixon. May have been contact. Close call.

Shifter Cam! Rusty Shifting Fixation Part 2 -- he recalls for us that IRL drivers shift 38 times per lap compared to 13 for NASCAR.

Goodyear -- we have no power steering and no cool suits either.

Rusty -- Gotta hand it to Brian Barnhart (or maybe he said Tony George) for putting together a great league with great equipment! Honda. All the other stuff is great.

Danica -- has to pit still. She's in third, but she has to pit. Danica said she got tremendous experience at the Rolex 24-hour race where she drove with someone. Who was that? HMMMMMM. Wait, it was RUSTY.

Jack -- Tony would "like" to go the distance but he may be a lap short.

Lap 60 -- Marco, Tony, Danica (!), Dario, Helio, Wheldon, Briscoe, Vitor, Dixon, Herta.

Lap 61 -- Marco leads by 5.6 seconds. Dixon still behind Vitor.

Lap 63 -- Buddy pits.

Jamie -- Marco's peeps think he can make it the distance. But he needs to make some better mileage.

Mike -- gets air. Can Marco make it? Gonna try. Think we have a good shot. Making good mileage. What else can we do?

Goodyear -- save fuel by getting out of the throttle a little early before braking into corners, at the end of straight aways, not get on the gas as hard, etc.

Marco up by 5.4 seconds.

Danica will have to pit on lap 68-ish.

Dixon in 8th. Briscoe into Vitor. Or Vitor into Briscoe. Hard to say. ESPN isn't giving us very many slow-mo replays of the contact on the course.

Danica pits on lap 69. Marco is 4.9 ahead. Danica out in 10th, one behind her buddy Jeff Simmons.

Lap 70 -- Marco, Tony, Dario, Helio, Wheldon, Vitor, Dixon, Herta, Simmons, Danica.

Lap 71 -- Dixon around Meira. Finally. Into fifth. When Meira locks them up and hoses himself and Wheldon and Dixon goes around them.

Marco 3.4 seconds ahead.

Lap 73. Yellow Yellow Yellow. Herta spins. How convenient. Marco needs a yellow and Herta gives him one. I'm sure that's a total coinkidink. Video of Herta pounding the steering wheel. Sure. Sell it, Herta.

Goodyear -- "A little team work here maybe not intentional, but ..." Where are the replays? Anyone? No replay. Replay of the key spin at the end of the race by the leader's teammate is none of my business, I guess. I'm just the audience out here, helping pay the bills, is all.

Ashley Judd gets air! As my boy MoneyCJ would say, "She's looking hawwwwwwwt." We approve of this ensemble, Ash.

The Root -- Dario is going to give it a go on the restart if he can't do it he's going to back out and make fuel mileage and try it with a couple of laps to go.

Um, sure, Jack. Dario is going to pass the boss's son in the second-to-last race when Dario doesn't know where he's going to be racing next year. Suuuuuure. If he does, I'll declare him a manly man and give him mega props for having a huge set.

Ashley gets more air. Ashley, thanks for ditching the Big-Ass Hat.

Five to go. Marco is going to win barring an air strike.

Rusty -- Marco is great. Almost won the 500.

Four to go. Doc -- Marco had a bad head cold and was under the weather recently. Nope, not going to make this anything close to dramatic, Doc. Nice try, though. Leading with five to go you'd have to be bleeding internally for it to matter.

Jamie -- Marco just needs four more smooth laps and he's there.

Three to go. Marco's mom, Sandy, gets air! Sandy Cam activated. Chewing on nails. I think Marty says that Sandy's nails are better than Mike's. Painted and more pretty. Time to have a big chug of beer Marty. Take a minute and pull yourself together. Sandy (formerly Andretti) with just three seconds on camera has gotten more air than half the field.

Two to go. Much speculation about having enough fuel to finish. If it gets close, Tony has volunteered to spin out. (OK, made that last sentence up.)

Ashley and Mike Cam! Mega pit cam action. Last time I saw this much hand-held camera action was on an episode of COPS.

Somewhere in here Tony pits because he's out of gas.

White flag. Marco. Ashley. Pit party. CAP (Combat Air Patrol) reports the sky is clear. No air strikes today.

Marco wins. Marco Marco Marco. Lap 80 -- Marco, Dario, Vitor, Dixon, Helio, Wheldon, Simmons (!), Danica, Hornish, Herta.

Jamie with Mike. Mike says this is a better feeling than when Mike won his first. Beautiful race. Perfect. Kid is smooth. The kid is good. (Gotta go with Mike on that one. Marco can drive the street races fo sho.) Just thought of this -- what if Graham Rahal and Marco run some IRL road/street courses next year. The two ultra-proud fathers will probably get into it in the pit. GO TIME.

Marco wins, so let's go to a commercial so we can come back to one of those staged getting-out-of-the-car-to-celebrate-victory moments. Always impressive.

Marco -- Pure strategy. My guys are the best in the business. Perfect strategy. Gives major props to the team. Props to Marco for how he handled the victory interview. Calm. Cool. Impressive. I'm glad ESPN didn't have time to stick a microphone in Mario's face and ask him what it was like and how Marco reminds him of Michael and blah blah blah.

Doc with Hornish and Helio. Helio says the AGR posse was doing a good job of "defending" the lead. Said people diving into him if he tried to pass, so he sat back and stayed ahead of Sam.

So, was he saying that Kanaan was blocking for an AGR teammate? SHOCKING. I refuse to believe it. You take it back, Helio! That just cannot be true.

Hornish -- No tires were set out for the last stop so he kind of lost his orientation and didn't come in close enough to get fuel. Shades of Wheldon's screw up in KY. So he went around and came back in for fuel. A win at Chicago takes it all, so he'll focus on that.

Jamie -- Dario-- I was trying to catch the rookie. He drove a hell of a race. Pit guys got me passed some people.

Pit guys should get paid more for road courses because it's all on them.

Points race -- Helio leads. Sam is one back. Dan is 19 back. Dixon is 21 back.

Tune in for the final race of the IRL season at Chicagoland Speedway on Sept. 10 on ABC. 1:30 p.m. eastern. Pressdog will be in the house for the race. Watch for bonus in-person coverage.

Champ Car Busts Legge for "Foolish Honesty"

Note to gullible: Katherine Legge was put on probation for rough driving at San Jose, but most everything else is made up.

English rookie Katherine Legge was put on probation for "childish, foolish" honesty immediately after the series' race in San Jose July 30, according to league insiders.

In her online diary, Legge admits that she hipchecked Andrew Ranger into the tyres late in the San Jose race, even though she was seven laps down and Ranger was on the lead lap.

"I got put on probation because I admitted to what I did," Legge wrote, "but I am not in the habit of doing anything like that again."

Champ Car World Series officials admitted they were stunned that Legge would actually admit to making a mistake.

"We're certainly not used to drivers being honest about taking each other out," said one official who declined to be named. "If this catches on, we'd have honesty breaking out all over the place and then what would you have? An empty track, is what. So we had to let Katherine know that she should at least come up with a Tracy-worthy fabrication about not doing it intentionally."

"(San Jose) was a difficult race, and I got hit by Andrew Ranger when I tried to pass him about three or four laps in," Legge actually wrote in her online diary. "That kind of annoyed me, as I've been hit several times and was getting kind of sick at being knocked around by these guys. They feel they can use me as a bumper car, but the way I reacted that weekend was careless, childish and stupid."

League officials said the retaliation wasn't the stupid part since that kind of thing goes on every lap without penalty. Failure to come up with even a rudimentary lie about doing it was where Legge earned her probation.

"I mean, she's right there on the Internet being honest about us letting NASCAR level banging go on," said a league official. "We can't have that. If she is that honest in the future, I'm afraid Legge will have to sit." Officials advised Legge to "repeat after us: 'just a racing incident.' Either that or just get out of your car and kick some ass. Go Jet Li on whoever hit you after the race. At least that gets us on SportsCenter."

If Legge again spears someone and tells the truth about it, league officials promised to put her on double-secret probation and "give her a stern talking to."

Sarah Fisher Represents in the Blogosphere

Our boy Jeff over at My Name is IRL gets Sarah Fisher on record re: her driving universe and the drama therein. Includes a most excellent quote from Sarah on the difference between the IRL and bowling league. I got a real feeling that the drivers may be friendly off the track, but once the helmet goes on driver's brains go into "general agression mixed with episodes of rage" mode.

Pressdog says Sarah Fisher is sidepod worthy (I'd sponsor her in a heartbeat if I had major coin). Check it out.

Champ Car Launches Organization-wide Search for Testicles

Note to the slow-witted. The Paul Tracy quotes below are accurate, but everything else is made up.

A spokesperson for the Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF) confirmed Wednesday that the organization had launched a full-scale search for a set of balls.

“We know we had some testicles around here somewhere,” said the spokesperson who declined to be named, “We had them out right after the San Jose race (July 30). But now we just seemed to have misplaced them."

Ironically, spokesperson for the only literally ball-less driver, British rookie Katherine Legge, was at the forefront of urging BPCCWSPF to find a set.

“When Katherine nudges Andy Ranger into the tires, then Champ Car suddenly has some huge testicles and puts Katherine on probation for rough driving," said a spokesperson for Katherine Legge who declined to be identified. "When Paul Tracy totally spears Sebastien Bourdais on the last lap, suddenly it’s eunuch-city in the front office. Yeah, they are real 'racing alphas' up there for sure. If not balls, Katherine suggests they 'grow a set of ovaries, at least.' ”

The search apparently started immediately after an incident between drivers Sebastien Bourdais and Paul Tracy -- who was on "probation" for driving into another car during the previous race -- on the last lap of the BPCCWSPF race at Denver on Aug. 13.

Replays seem to show Bourdais had passed Tracy on the outside when Tracy drove too fast into the brake zone, locked the brakes and slid into the inside of Bourdais' car. Both drivers were knocked out of the race.

After the race Tracy was unrepentant: “I wasn’t surprised," Tracy told SPEED TV. "It was the last corner so if he’s that desperate for two points (the difference between finishing third and second) that’s the risk you take. I don’t feel sorry for him. He took me out of five races last year so I guess paybacks are a bitch."

When reminded by the press later that Tracy was on "probation" for recklessly bashing into Alex Tagliani a race earlier, Tracy, a Canadian, scoffed. "What are they going to do, (take) me out of a race in Canada? Give me a break," Tracy told the Indianapolis
Star.

On Wednesday, having lost their balls, BPCCWSPF fined Tracy $25,000 and put him on double-secret probation (extended his probation for another race). Race insiders were sure there was absolutely no connection in the BPCCWSPF "punishment" and BPCCWSPF's car count being in the dirt and the next race being in Canada.

"Champ Car had to decide between having integrity and sitting Tracy for a race and making more money by having Tracy in the race," said one race observer. "And they detatched their nuts and chose the cash."

The Bourdais camp was incredulous. "I wonder what would happen if Tracy pulled out a nine (millimeter pistol) and cracked off some rounds at Sebastien? A stern talking to? This is starting to look like a remake of Roller Ball. If James Caan shows up to drive a car with spiked gloves on, we're outta here."

Given BPCCWSPF's apparent embrace of prison-rules racing, rumors circulated that Bourdais' teammate Bruno Junqueira was overheard saying, "(Tracy teammate) A.J. Allmendinger's front wins are going to be motherf*cking confetti by lap five of next race, bitches."

BPCCWSPF expected the search for testicles to continue until some rookie backmarker caused a crash, at which time they would once again find their balls.

In other news, BPCCWSPF race announcer Rick Benjamin downplayed Oscar talk for his brief roll as a race journalist in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. "Hold onto your hollyhocks, that was as good a performance as I've ever seen in a krrrr racing film," said Benjamin's boothmate, Derek Daly. "Grandma would have to be well into the whiskey not to recognize that."

Benjamin said "It would be an honored just to be nomiated" and denied rumors that he had asked T.J. Patrick, father and agent for IRL princess bride Danica Patrick (5-1, 101 pounds after breakfast) to make inquires with NASCAR broadcasters. "I'm just keeping my options open," Benjamin said.

Notes from the 2006 CCWS Grand Prix of Denver

Notes taken during the SPEED broadcast of Denver Grand Prix sponsored by Bridgestone on Aug. 13, 2006.

"Under Pressure" montage. Dan pounding steering wheel. Pitting action. Cars going everywhere. Katherine Legge gets air. Lots of drivers walking after the crash. Speedy Dan Clarke kicking his tires after his car roasted. Video of Paul Tracy putting it into climbing gear over Bourdais at Cleveland. Pretty good montage from Champ Car. May be giving ABC/ESPN a run for their money.

Replay of The Fight in San Jose. Pressure led to the fight, get it?

Recap of the season. Bruno Junqueira hasn't had it this year. Michelle Beisner deployed! With Bruno. Bruno feels good. Good track for him.

Bridgestone Presents the Champ Car World Series Powered by Ford (BPCCWSPF) Grand Prix of Denver. Street course around the Pepsi Center.

Rick Benjamin -- Two weeks ago. San Jose. "Huge" crowd. Great event. Bourdias Wins number 5. Boxing match breaks out. Tracy and Tag go all Death Match on pit row.

Replay of The Fight number 2.

Denver is race round 10 of 14 for the season.

Rick Benjamin on camera. Wonders if there will be Round Two of Tag vs Tracy. Maybe a steel cage match. Goes over the penalties handed out by Champ Car.

Tony Cotman VP of operations for Champ Car on camera – Tony says it was two seperate things. On track and off track. Paul took a large risk on the track and got the penalty. Lost seven championship points. (That will sting since he's way out of the championship race.) Paul was clearly in the wrong. Off track Alex is angry and came after Paul. Tag initiiated. Paul retaliated. Cost them both some money. No mention of Katherine Legge getting put on probation for crazy driving.

Derek Daly on camera with Rick. He doesn't condone the smackdown. But he understands the emotion. Athletes have so much at stake in these deals. Every performance is a judgement on them.

Replay of Dan Clarke kicking the tires from San Jose. Ranger gesturing to Katherine Legge after she punted him into the tires. Tracy assaulted Alex Tagliani on the track. Podium could have put Tag fourth in points. Fight replay number 3!

Jan Beekhuis in the pit with Tracy. Tracy says he took the blame pulling out into Alex. Was wrong. Made bad choice. Pit fight costs them both some money. "I just hope the next time someone wants to fight they take their helmet off." Tracy is all class. I could see him in pro wrestling trunks and boots. It would be humorous, perhaps, if one of the skinny drivers came up to him and went all Jet Li on his ass with some nasty marshall arts stuff or something.

Tag – thinks the penalties were fair. Series have to "put their fist down" for what happens in pit lane. Surprisingly calm interview.

Jan -- Cristiano da Matta report. SPEED doesn't tell us what happened to him, just that he was injured a few weeks back. Assumes, I guess, that we all follow this closely. FYI, he hit a deer (WTF? A deer? That's nuts.) during a test at Road America in Wisconsin a few weeks ago. Can you imagine coming around a corner at about 130 mph and seeing a fricking DEER standing there? Recovering. Stickers on the cars in his honor. Progressing pretty well. Medical peeps in Wisconsin were fully deployed. Got into surgery fast to relieve bleeding on his brain. Tag montage.

Rick --Sebastien Bourdais wins the pole. Sixth pole. Clinches the season pole award.

Starting lineup: Bourdais, AJ "The Lone American" Allmendinger, Justin Wilson, Tracy, Alex Tagliani, Andrew Ranger, Bruno, Oriol Servia, Mario Dominguez, Nelson Philippe, Will Power, Charles Zwolsman, Dan Clarke, Jan Heylen, Katherine "On Probation for Driving like a Wanker" Legge and Nicky Pastorelli. 16 cars!

Derek covers the track for us. Fairly difficult. Low grip.

Let's light this candle. Green-green-green.

Cue the circus music. At least this start wasn't waved off! Progress. Who will lose the Champ Car Turn 1 Lotto? We're going into turn one. Contact! Tag and Tracy. Tag on the inside drop-kicks Tracy. Holy role reversal. Tracy is stalled. Tag continues on.

Derek Daly – Tag trying to be a bit tooooooo brave. Tag brakes too late. Tracy was already on his turn-in line and got collected. On-board with Tracy. DD -- Man I want to see Tracy have a fair run.

Derek covers the race strategy -- 1) Save your tires. 2) Watch the Wild West. 3) Tracy’s fighting form off the track and on the track (be aware that Tracy may drive over you at any time).

Tag is done. Out of the car. Left front wheel askew. Damaged suspension. Forsythe gave Team Australia a bunch of parts for this race. Only fitting since Crash Tracy took him out last week. Most of what you see on the front of Tag car was given to Team Australia by the Forsythe team.

Tracy in for a splash.

Lap 2 – restart.

Cue the circus music. Everyone gets through the turn single-file. Onboard with Justin Wilson. Suffering from rear traction issues.

Jan – with Tag – left rear suspension is completely broke. Tag -- Got pretty tight there Paul was on the outside ended up touching. Out of the race. I was pretty late on the brake yes, but was planning on following Justin through the corner.

DD – Balance on the black Bridgestone tires have been better for some than others. Red sidewall tires have more grip but some teams don’t have the right balance.

Lap 5 -- Tag montage. Houston. Gets into Oriol. Then he goes into the tires in to the run off with a stuck throttle or some craziness. Monterrey smashes it in practice. Milwaukee warm-up smash. Cleveland. Teammate Will Power goes into the grass and plows up dirt with the front wing. Toronto morning warm-up nose into the wall. Will Power in Edmonton going ass-first into the barrier, hard, scaring the camera guy. Champ Car TV loves this replay. Camera man had to dive for cover. San Jose Tracy darting Tag like a heat-seaking missile hitting a helicopter. Then it's GO time in the pit.

Back to Denver. Bourdais leads – 1.2 seconds after 5 laps.

Lap 7 – Tracy up to 8th. Started at the back of the pack. Fastest car on the race track right now. DD – Tracy absolutely flying.

Cameron – Tracy is changing from a right-foot braker to a left-foot braker. AJ is a left-footer and he's faster so Tracy is trying to change braking technique.

Lap 12 -- Tracy around Nelson. Up to 7th. He was 0.9 second quicker on every car on the track this morning.

Video of Tracy spinning in qualifying. Loses rear wing. Goes around in practice. Now he’s on fire. More fuel than everyone else thanks to the splash after the turn 1 accident. So he will run longer.

DD – Said earlier Tracy very good keeping the engine running when he spins. Replay of the turn-one unpleasantness. Suddenly Tracy stalls it. Derek thought he had his foot on the brake instead of the clutch.

Lap 12 – Ranger around Nelson. Into 8th. Nelson lets him go.

Cameron – Andrew Ranger has the black sidewalls. Blacks seem quicker. Replay of Ranger’s pass. Ranger’s pit tells him to take care of his tires.

Lap 15 -- Wilson almost spins. Bruno closing in. Dominguez does a spin-o-rama in turn 9. Back underway. He’s on the reds. Replay. Tracy coming under Dominguez. DD says when Tracy is saving himself on the turn he ended up going wide and drop-kicking Dominguez.

Lap 16 – Bordais, AJ, Wilson, Junk, Servia, Tracy, Ranger, Dominguez, Zwolsman.

Oriol in early. DD – Did they tell them Tracy was coming up from behind so he pitted? (Attempt at humor here.) Oriol getting out of the car. Appears to be done. Speculation that maybe it was Tracy's drop kick.

Michelle Beisner is deployed. When you hear Cedric the Entertainer say “yo yo" you know he’s giving someone a shout out but when you hear Dan of Cedric's team say "yo-yo" he’s doing something different. Dan is a yo-yo nut.

Lap 20 -- Ranger dead on the race track. In the run-off. Turn five area. Something broke. Just rolled to a stand still. It's BLOWN UP, sir! Pushing the cars out of the way.

Philipee and AJ have pitted. (AJ on lap 18.) AJ is on the black bridgestones. Chasing down Dominguez.

Lap 21 – Nicky spins but keeps going. Bourdais pits. Going with the reds. Justin Wilson in. Wilson stays on the blacks. Much pitting. Junqueira takes the lead.

Tracy is second. From a spin to front in 24 laps. Tracy pits. DD -- thinks it was just to get the blacks (since the reds are showing signs of sucking).

Tracy gave up second to get the blacks. Bruno leads. Mario's car has a broken suspension. Legge is up to P6.

Down to Jan in Mario's pit for more. – Engine shut down. Crew looking at back to see if they can fix it. Bad break, but lucky it was close to pit row. Cowling coming off. Video of the left side busting and the right front sticking up in the air. Jan. Nut on top of the rocker popped off.

Junk leads by 12 seconds.

Cameron with Oriol who is out of the car and one. Oriol -- had the oil pressure going down. Not sure what was up with it. Getting great mileage. Next three races are the best three for Oriol.

Junkie out in the lead right now. Lap ?? Champ Car's TINY lap numbers on their graphics make it hard to read.

Lap 25 (I think). Wilson in front of Tracy. Power to pass graphic. Unreadable. Seriously. No way you can read it.

Lap 30-ish. Junk, Bourdais, Allmending, Wilson, Tracy, Nelson, Zwols, Power, Clarke, Legge.

Neil Mickelwright, Forsythe boss – impressed with Tracy doing the left-foot breaking.

Jan Heylen about to be a lap down. Blue flag. Heylen is ahead of Wilson and Tracy.

Jan -- leader on pit road. Bruno. Tire pressure change. 9.3 seconds for the stop. Jan guesses he comes out in fifth.

Lap 33 – AJ up behind Bourdais. AJ on blacks. Bourdais on reds. Will Bourdais get passed on track?

DD only a matter of time before AJ passes. Jan – according to the team Craig Hampson says AJ is not saving fuel and Bourdais is.

Lasp 35 -- Yellow Yellwo Yellow for "debris."

Lap 35 – Andrew Ranger is out. Cameron -- What happened? Andrew – thinks it’s the gear box. Zwolsman had same problem this morning. Gear parts just explode. Beginning of race car pretty fast. Just exit off 5 and gearbox explodes. (It's BLOWN UP, sir!)

On board with Paul Tracy. Camera looking back at Tracy's head. Paul is not flipping anyone off or tossing stuff at other cars.

Ford Bold Moves Moment – Rick -- Montage of bold passes from the season.

DD with a telestrator tour of Wilson’s helmet. Tear off is here. Drinking tube is here. DD says we can see Wilson's chest pounding in and out if we look close. First race of the season in a similar shot of Katherine Legge Derek told us to "LOOK AT HER CHEST."

Lap 38 – Restart. K. Legge in top 10. DD -- Straight fight here now. See how good Tracy is. Bourdais is running away.

Bourdais, AJ, Wilson, Tracy, Bruno, Nelson, Zwols, Power, Clarke, Legge.

In-car with Tracy and the picture is breaking up a bit. Tracy can’t stay with Wilson on the straight away. Tracy jamming his nose under Wilson on the turn. Can’t catch Wilson on the straight.

Jan says RuSPORT is happy with Wilson's car.

Lap 42 --AJ catching up to Bourdais.

SPEED shows section time graphic. This means zero to the average viewer. But it does take up some TV screen space so we can look at it rather than the actual race. So that's nice.

Lap 44 -- Tracy dives under Wilson and got him. Diving into turn 9. Wilson back at him. Can’t get it back. Lets him go. DD that was the move Paul Tracy was thinking about. That was a really risky move. Now "Left-Foot Tracy" is after AJ Allmendinger.

Power to pass graphic. Unreadable again. Tracy is out of power to pass, that we can tell.

AJ pressure on Bourdais. DD -- "This is good stoff here." DD -- "Has to be careful that the door is open before he sticks his nose down the inside of the Frenchman." (!!) Seems only polite to make sure the door is open before you do something like that, I guess.

DD – AJ looks a bit faster. Really close right now. Rick -- Why would AJ be pushing so hard? DD -- Because he’s a racing boy and lives just down the road. Rick -- Is Grandma here? DD-- Grandma’s on the water this week. (Last week Derek spent all race saying stuff like "Grandma is on the whiskey" about AJ's grandmother who was in the stands whenever AJ made some bold move. Clearly joking, I guess. I thought it was funny, anyway.)

Lap 46 – Nelson Philippe is fastest lap on the race track. AJ pressuring Bourdais. DD is going crazy about it. DD says it’s a street fight here.

Lap 47-ish. AJ takes Bourdais on the inside going into turn 1. Televised pass for the lead! Tracy is out of Power to Pass.

Jan says he thinks Bourdais is out of tires and Forsythe is not. DD says the rear tires go off and then you are hosed (loose).

Beisner – Celebrity driver go-kart race recap. Sebastien had fastest lap. Beisner says were not sure who won it. I have some idea, however.

Lap 53 – AJ off to the races. Best lap of race. Tracy all over the back of Bourdais. DD wonders if Tracy has the confidence in the left-food breaking to make a move. Bourdais is holding Tracy up. Confidence is usually not a problem for Tracy.

Lap 54 -- DD -- I think he’s going to go. I think he’s going to go. Hang on. Tracy goes for it, doesn’t make it. Locks up and Wilson goes under him. Wilson into 3rd. Tracy back to 4th.

Halfway home recap. Tag spins Tracy. Tag is out. Tracy dives under Mario. Taps him. Marco is done shortly after. Tracy under Wilson for third. AJ under Bourdais. Wilson under Tracy in 1. That's like a year's worth of on-track passing for a street race. The red tires may suck, but at least they create some passing.

Wilson passes Bourdais for second. Not televised.

Bourdais is screwed. Tracy goes under him because he’s out of grip. Junk working on Bourdais and Bourdais gets passed AGAIN. WTF? Bourdais has to be screaming some French obscenities. What's French for "F*cking red tires!" ?

Jan – Pit road is calling in Bourdais. Need to get him out of the reds because they suck. Bourdias comes in, stops, throws his hands in the air Bourdais knows he’s screwed. Back on the blacks. Back out.

39 to go. – Boudais is in trouble. AJ is nine seconds ahead of Wilson. Then Tracy and then Junk and then Zwols (!) and Power. Clark. Legge. Bourdais. Nelson.

Hampson (ultra morose) says it’s damage control right now. Trying to save our life at this point get a third, fourth, didn’t set it up right. Red tires at a bad time. Championship damage control now. Get points you can.

Lap 60 -- AJ coming in. Cameron. Forsythe had the right tire strategy today -- "Have rolled the dice and it has come up Yattzi." Pressdog quote of the race award winner right there.

Lap 60 – Wilson leads. Still has to stop. When he stops he’ll have to go with the reds. Not a good thing. Wilson coming in on Lap 62. Laps Zwols on the way in. Adding 1.5 turns of front wing to compensate for the red crap tires.

Lap 63 -- Bruno pits. And out. Nelson and Katherine battling for 8th. Katherine’s dad is here. Back when Katherine was 9 Jenson Button’s dad built her go kart engines. This vital tidbit brought to you by Derek.

Katherine – video – How has season gone? K -- Been really tough. Harder than expected. Very up and down. If we can get the qualifying thing sorted out I think we could be in our top 10 most weekends. Just about moving that forward. (I love how British people use "sorted out." Striking.)

DD – Give Katherine laps. Couple of times she has set fastest laps of the race. DD thinks we haven’t seen all Katherine can do yet. Qualified 15th this weekend.

Onboard with Wilson. 10.5 seconds behind AJ. Tracy way back in third.

30 to go. DD – AJ very hard to catch aj right now. But how long will the reds last for Wilson in second?

Jan – Jeremy Dale – president RuSPORTT. First of all, hearts with Cristianio and family. Red tires. I think the temp cooler and track different than all weekend. Trying to take care of the tires. Think we got the best guy in the car right now. Reasonable track position. See what happens.

Rick – Cristiano. Oriol Servia concerned. Video of Oriol. Every day they call. Doing much much better every day. "He’s a tough little man and he’s showing us all how to do it" and going to be OK very soon.

Dan Clarke 6th in front of Will Power. Trying to track down Bourdais in 5th. Don’t hear that every day.

Lap 70 – Power leads rookie of year with 123 markers. Dan Clarke. DD --We have seen speed with Dan Clarke before. Drives it over the limit and over the top and bangs it off the walls every now and then, but he does have speed.

Dan montage. San Jose. Car really good and then it crashed. Kicking the tires. DD gives him a shout out for the kick.

Rick -- Dan been a carnival all by himself. (Close second for pressdog quote of the race award.)

Tracy passes Wilson without Power to Pass. Reds suck. In-car between turn 4 and 5. Tracy goes by inside and locks up the rears. Wilson lets him go. DD – Wilson is in trouble from here on in. Grip is going away. Sawing like a dirt-track driver.

Tracy has clear road. Can he catch AJ? Don’t change that channel.

Beisner. As da Matta recovers. Fans get da Matta stickers. Sign huge cards.

Onboard with Wilson skating around. DD -- All arms and elbows in this car. Jan -- been on the radio. Out of rear tires. Boudais behind him like a shark.

Derek telestrator on the “graining” on the back tires. Wilson has to decide if he’s going stop and get some new tires or just grit his teeth.

20 to go.

Bourdais looks loose. Set-up may be crap. Turn 9. Bourdais is on Wilson. Inside turn one. Rick -- Wilson has to dirt track it around turn 1. Love the dirt track reference, Rick.

In-car with Wilson getting taken inside by Bourdais. Wilson serious fishtailing.

AJ is in front by about 71 seconds. (AJ is in front by 13 seconds, actually, only seems like 71.)

17 to go. Tracy lost 0.8 seconds last lap to AJ. AJ’s dad fell out of a golf track and got a fractured skull. True story. Went to the hospital. Going to be OK. May need to get into the whiskey. (Made the whiskey thing up. Sorry.)

Dan Clarke is 6th.

15 to go. Pit doesn’t think that Tracy will make it all the way. Fuel pickup problem in his car when fuel gets low.

Beisner. Team Australia is all about it. Entries in Champ car, Atlantic, Formula BMW.

Flashback to the Panoz DP-01 release party. Paul Newman in the car. Everyone there. Testing the new car at Road Atlanta Tuesday of this week. DD – built to a racing philosophy. Lighter, better areo, safer. Cosworth engine.

Shout outs to Nelson. Milwaukee finish. Hasn’t rolled it very often.

10 to go. AJ is ahead by about 32 seconds. (OK, actually a 12.8-second lead.) Boudais has fastest laps. He's in fourth place. 23 seconds back. Video of Paul getting sidewise. Sliding. PT -- Left-foot braking gets is sideways manages to gather it up.

DD -- advises he should take it easy and preserve the silver. Last year just short of half way in Denver he goes into the wall. Video.

8 to go. Will Tracy stop for fuel? AJ up by 14 seconds. He'll win barring air strike. Tracy knows with a few laps to go he’s not going to run down AJ. DD -- Do not be a hero, Paul, you’re not going to run him down.

AJ montage – First burn out. Getting weepy in the car. Cleveland. Two in a row. Toronto. We got a hat trick sign.

7 to go. DD – team is good for AJ. Great atmosphere that fits AJ's personality.

Speedy Dan is 5th. Justin is screwed in 6th. Tires are totally junk. Have to stay out and salvage what you can. Will Power closing in on Wilson. Power has him in his sights.

Bourdais working on Junk. Bourdais sets fastest lap again. Stalking Junk. Power around Wilson in Turn 9. Almost gets sideways in the break zone. Bourdais takes Bruno in turn 1.

4 to go. DD said Bourdais might have given him a “French love tap.”

Bourdais closing on PT. Slow mo on the Bourdais-Bruno pass. Can’t tell if they touch.

Boudais all over Tracy. Tracy in deep trouble. Two to go.

White flag. DD -- "This is good stoff." Boudais looks inside. Almost gets chopped off.

Radio to Bourdais -- Set him up for the main straight got your push to pass. Here it comes. Boudais goes around Tracy. He's passed. Tracy coming back. DD – "Oh no no no." Tracy locks them up and totally SPEARS Bourdais in the side. Major ram job.

Bourdais is flailing around. Didn't stall it but can't get going again. Tracy is done. Toast. Bourdais smoking the tires over there trying to get going but something is junk. Can’t get the car to move. Bourdais is out of the car and he’s done. Stalking toward Tracy. DD -- "He wants Tracy." Rick -- "Oh boy, here we go again." Bourdais cuts across the tracffic (has to wait for Will Power to go by). Much gesturing to Paul. Gives him a two-hand-to-the-chest hand shove. Tracy gives him the "come on, come on" gesture. Rick -- Tracy is on probation. (Like that will matter, Rick. 16 cars going into Canada to race. Paul is Canadian.) Bourdais goes back to his dead car.

Replay -- Bourdais on down the outside. Tracy goes down inside. DD declares Tracy's comeback a kamakazi move. No hope to stop the car. Slides sideway. Bashes into Bourdais.

DD -- Tracy was beaten he knew that. Bourdais goes on the outside. Now he’s home and dry. Tracy going to try it. Now lock it up. Lock it up. Bang. Smash down the inside. How he going to explain this?

Tracy hitches a ride with AJ and goes back to the pit.

DD -- Tracy has a 100% record last two races. Two crashes. Two physical altercations.

Speedy Dan gets third.

AJ wins by 15 seconds. AJ in the victory circle. Says hi to dad. Awesome Forsythe team. Every time Red Bull energy station comes to the race, I win. Need them here more. Did you see Tracy and Bourdais? AJ -- I saw nothing. I wanted a 1-2 Forsythe. Most physical Denver race been part of. Reds were bad. AJ gets smooch from the future Mrs. AJ, Lynn Kush.

DD -- Tracy had no business trying to make that move.

Finish: AJ, Bruno, Dan, Will Power, Nelson, Crash Tracy, Bourdais, Justin Wilson, Katherine Legge, Charles Zwolsman.

Mazda power play. Champ Car Atlantics recap. Stand start. Like 15 wide into turn 1! We got a car upside down and sliding down the pit road away. No injuries. Graham Rahal dominates. Start to finish. No video of Bobby Rahal, though.

Cameron. With Bruno. Bruno says this is his best track. On Bourdais passing him earlier -- He came inside of me. I didn’t want to take risk. We can’t crash each other. Tried to push hard. Started seventh. Made way up front. Pass a lot people.

Speedy Dan – He's leaving a voice mail on a phone so we have to wait to interview him. Dan -- We should have had podium two weeks ago. But it happens. Take third place like that any day. Wasn’t an easy race. Came through the last corner and Bourdais and Tracy getting out of their cars. "Cleveland was a kick in the balls, Portlan was. San Jose was. Now get we this."

Kick in the balls?

Interview with Paul Newman. Hole in the Wall gang gets $35,000 from Bridgestone. They have 8 camps here. 3 overseas. 11,000 kids last year. Paul -- If I have a legacy to leave I hope it’s this. Not sure what Hole in the Wall Camp is or what it does. None of my business, I guess.

Cameron with Tracy – Taken out in turn 1. Clearly had the best car out there. Fuel pick up issue with five gallons left. Last five laps sputtering around the track. And along came Sebastien.

Cameron -- Surprised at Bourdais’ move? “I wasn’t surprised. It was the last corner so if he’s that desperate for two points (the difference between finishing third and second) that’s the risk you take. I don’t feel sorry for him. He took me out of five races last year so I guess paybacks are a bitch. (Cameron: "Definitely true.") Surprised to him seeing coming across the track? Tracy -- “No but I like to see him come with his helmet off then we could have a real match. Next time he wants to come by he should take his helmet off. Those French guys like to keep their helmets on.” Cameron – "Definitely. Paul Tracy not fearing anything anywhere on the track."

Jan – with Sebastien – "I think if there are two sides I can’t really understand. PT was obviously in big trouble running out of fuel but that’s not an excuse to crash the competitor of your teammate. I guess all I can say, I hope it was clear enough. He tried to crash me in turn three of the lap before. Tried to crash me in the back straight when he blocks me to the inside and I had to go around him in the outside on the marbles. … He completely overshoot the breaking point, got sideways and ran into the side of the MacDonalds car. He was on probation. So on my side I just trust the race officials that they will do what’s necessary to correct that situation." (When he went over to Tracy post-crash) "I just told him 'What are you expecting? What do you want from me?' He was staring at me like 'come and get me.' I just pushed him because he was asking for it but I didn’t take it any further because he’s not worth it."

DD. "Not sure I would have tried to make that move (Tracy's coming back move). He had no hope. He was passed. Sugar Ray Tracy makes headlines again."

Rookie of the Year race. Will Power is first. 22 points ahead of Dan. Katherine third. Zwoslman fourth.

Tune in next time to see if Champ Car has any testicles and parks Tracy (he was, after all, on probation, allegely), or puts him on "double-secret probation and we mean it this time." Aug. 27, 1:30 eastern. NBC.

Notes from the Meijer Indy 300 at Kentucky

Notes taken during the ABC broadcast of the Meijer Indy 300 Presented by Coca-Cola and Secret on Aug. 13, 2006.

pressdog's beer of the race today is Bavaria, an import from the Netherlands, and Spaten Oktoberfest, an import from Munich, Germany. Snooty!

Open with dramatic video of TJ Patrick (Danica's dad) standing almost on the apron during morning practice. TJ appears to be on the cell phone to a NASCAR team. (Kidding. Made the phone part up, but he was standing near the track.) Danica Patrick tries to pit and Vitor gets into her rear end (hey, keep it clean). We got grass flying and Vitor spinning. Shocking that TJ didn't come leaping across the track to pummel Vitor in his still-spinning car.

Bluegrass state intro -- here horsepower is measured one at a time. But in the IRL, baby, it's horsepower mayhem! Kentucky montage. Video of Danica running out of gas at Michigan. Hitting the steering wheel. Stomping down the track. Kicking the barrel. No video replay of the massive F-bombs she dropped, however. Marco fist shake video. (no montage would be complete without it). Indy cars going around the track juxtaposed with horses going around the track. Nobody does montages like ABC, bay-beeee.

Welcome to Sparta, Kentucky, for IRL race 12 of 14. The points championship is close. Real close. Anything can happen. Dan Wheldon, Helio Castroneves, Sam Hornish JR., The Flying Kiwi (Scott Dixon) are in the hunt for it. ABC goes away from the Danica Patrick vs. Sarah Fisher cat fight angle and instead focuses on the points race. Hmmmmmm.

Michigan montage! Dixon running out of fuel. In-car radio from Dixon that has a word beeped out of it. The tow truck shows up and Dixon says "Where have they been? Waiting for Christmas or what?" Scotty. Love the emotion. The passion. The drama.

Jerry Punch, M.D., with the Penske Twins (Hornish and Helio). Punch -- with a 31-point lead, Helio, how do you play it? Helio -- went aggressive last week and worked out pretty well (he won) so do that again.

Punch -- Sam, when do you stop being teammates and start being competitors? Sam -- always competitors. Main focus is to make sure Roger wins the championship -- Myself or Helio winning it for him, doesn't really matter. "Roger says may the best man win just don't bring them back on the hook." Props to Sam. He's interviewing skillz have improved about 340% in the last couple of years.

Jack "the Root" Arute with Dixon. Dixon -- gotta win races to win the title. Wheldon -- (Has black shades on his head today! Those nasty white ones are gone. Sponsorship deal must have run out.) Dan says it's crunch time. I'm not in this to come second. Moved to Ganassi to win races. Main thing is for Target Chip Ganassi to get a win. It may not be my day and if not, then we'll make sure Scott wins. Scott helped me out a lot last race.

Jamie Little (get her in a car!) with Vitor -- Jamie, what up with that warm-up accident? Vitor -- Unfortunate. At the end of the day we shouldn't have been pushing as hard as we were (in practice). Should be able to recover from it. Spoke to Danica. She should be able to recover from it. Got a new sponsor, Lincoln Tech. Major air for Lincoln Tech. Vitor says the support is key "for us to go do what we need to do."

The Root with Danica -- What up with the accident and will you be able to recover, mentally? Danica -- Such a strange place for an accident. She thinks she can recover from that no problem. Danica starts 11th.

Rusty Wallace, Marty Ried and Scott Goodyear in the booth. Rusty, shockingly, thinks morning practices suck. (He went off on morning practices when Paul Dana was killed in morning practice at Homestead.) "I hate these practices. Little bit dangerous." Correct me if I'm wrong, Rusty, but nobody is forcing the drivers to practice in the morning of the race. They are free to sit their butts down on the sideline if it is too dangerous. Or they could go out and do five laps and park it, no? So what's the problem?

Marty -- 31 "markers" between 1st and 3rd in the points race.

Jamie with Sarah Fisher. Yeah, Sarah Fisher! Back in the saddle for Dreyer and Reinbold Racing after than two years away. Went off and raced stock cars for Richard Childress in the minor leagues last year. Engaged to Andy O'Gara who is son of the DRR team boss Johnny O'Gara. Sarah said she got the chance to drive for DRR and was all about it. Didn't have time to get her helmet painted so she had fans sign it at the regular driver autograph fest Saturday. Shows off the helmet festooned with sigs. Striking. Wonder if Danica signed it for her. No major love for Sarah's new sponsor, Fastenal. I guess you gotta sponsor Vitor to get a major TV shout out on the air.

Down to Anthony Munoz, Hall of Fame football player formerly of the Cincinnati Bengals. Tony says a bunch of stuff ahead of what he's supposed to say and that's: Ladies and gentlemen, START YOUR ENGINES.

Starting lineup: Helio Castroneves, Sam Hornish Jr. (Penske Twins on the front row? Who'd a thunk it?), Dan "White Shoes" Wheldon, Tony Kanaan, Scott Dixon, Dario Franchitti, Kosuke Matsuura, Ed Carpenter, Vitor Meira, Scott Sharp, Danica "21-million-dollar-woman" Patrick, Sarah Fisher (!), Bryan "World of " Herta, Buddy Rice, Jeff Simmons, Jeff Bucknum, Tomas Scheckter, Marco Andretti, Marty Roth. 19 cars! Kentucky fire marshals huddle up and rule ... YES, the track does have room for 19 cars. Barely. We're racing today!

Punch or Arute, possibly Marty, not sure which, says Marco is starting in the 18th po-sis-kin!

Danica had to change a bunch of stuff after her crash, including her engine, but gets to keep her 11th-place starting position. Usually an engine change means go to the back. But not this time. Why? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Booth guys show no interest in explaining why she can stay up front. Probably because the crash was Vitor's fault or something. But we don't get to know. Booth guys, thanks for working hard to inform the viewers.

Rusty is getting on the CB to talk to Sarah Fisher. In-car shows her sig-covered helmet. Giddy. Sarah, this is Rusty, you got us? Sarah -- Loud and clear, Rusty. Rusty -- you feel comfortable? Sarah -- "I have not felt this comfortable in an Indy car in my entire life. All the stock car driving I did for RCR (Richard Childress Racing) helped me out a lot." Rusty -- good luck. Seemed like Rusty cut things off after he heard "RCR" which is a rival NASCAR team. Maybe Sarah should put "Richard Childress says hi, Rusty" on her helmet. Baaaaaaa. Of course Richard didn't find Sarah a ride this year, so maybe that's too much pub for Rich.

ABC is totally staying away from the whole Danica/Sarah rivalry thing. Not touching it at all. Surprising.

Let's go to the Triple J Ranch (Jack, Jamie and Jerry) to repeat points that have already been made. Tony and AGR have never won here and they want to today. My viewing is enhanced. Jack says it's all about compromising on setups so the car works as consistently as possible around the track. Another news flash.

Let's light this candle. Green flag, green flag.

Marco goes from 18th to 14th in a lap. Seems fishy to me. Hey, take it easy on qualifying so you can fly up through the field during the race and get monster air time. Seriously. Sam should drive one handed during qualifications, act concerned, and then make up 10 spots by lap one, turn three.

Sarah gets major air for "flying up through the field" according to Rusty, although she's in 11th, which is one place better than she started. In-car again shows her signature-covered helmet. I can't get enough of that.

Rusty -- Top 3 drivers, "Their brains are set on 'kill' right now." Shout out to Rusty for that killer quote. Pressdog Quote of the Race Award winner.

Video replay -- Carpenter and Kanaan almost touch tires.

Lap 10 -- Hornish, Helio, Wheldon, Dixon, Ed, Kanaan, Matsuura, Dario, Vitor, Sharp. Danica 12th. Sarah 16th.

Arute -- Ed has been concentrating on qualifying and starts and restarts. He's up a few places "as quickly as you would pick apples off a tree in the fall" ??? Is that quick? Not sure. I don't think of speed when I'm picking apples, personally.

Lap 18 -- Helio and Sam are side-by-side. Now three-wide with Wheldon.

Lap 25 -- Penske Twins in formation. Jeff Simmons gets around Danica. In-car from Danica shows Jeff chopping down on Danica. Danica radio replay "Are you kidding me?" Calls for a black flag on her teammate. Jeff and Danica -- not that tight. No chance they'll be sipping $100 New Zealand Merlot together and talking about their hopes and dreams. Check the Q and A with Simmons from my blog boy Money CJ at So. Damn. Indy. Eyebrow raiser!

Lap 25 -- Hornish, Helio, Wheldon, Dixon, Ed, Kanaan, Matsuura, Dario, Marco, Sharp. Danica 12th. Sarah 17th.

Lap 31 -- Marty Roth is lapped and now in the middle of a leader diamond (one in front, behind, high and low). HOLD YOUR LINE, Marty!

Lap 41 -- Top 4 get in line and say, "See ya!" Marty says they are in lock-step!

Mike gets air. Punch on why Marco's car is mysteriously better on race day. Allegedly they just threw everything out last night and took a bunch of downforce out of it. Now he's "coming to the front like a rocket." Right. Sure. Two races in a row. Look for the same at Chicagoland. Mike is very proud. There's another news flash, Mike is proud of Marco.

Lap 50 -- Rusty says the top four have "flat checked out of Dodge." He could be talking about this race, or the entire season. Running order -- Helio, Wheldon, Dixon, Hornish, Ed, Kanaan, Matsuura, Dario, Marco, Scheckter. Danica 11th. Sarah 18th.

Lap 54 -- Pitting. Ed in. Penske Twins in. Helio gets a 9.2-second stop. Sam is sub-9.

Yellow, yellow, yellow. Ed is ass-around on the pit exit road. Facing the wrong direction. Keeps it running, though, so he can get it back out on the track after cutting through the grass. Big ups for not stalling it.

A few cars come in while pits are closed because they are about to run out of gas. Pits are now open. Major pitting. Vitor pits. 12.1 seconds. Not so good.

Lap 61 -- I Am MINDY montage featuring Danica stomping. (Props to Jeff at My Name is IRL for the I AM MINDY reference.)

Jeff Simmons is fifth! Danica has to be pissed about that. Penske Twins are 9th and 10th. Penske officials think they got hosed because they were out of the pits before Ed brought out the yellow. Like it will matter. Going from 10th to the front will take a Penske car maybe five laps.

Brian Barnhart, the Iron Hand of Justice, gets air! Everybody drink!

Lap 65 -- green green green.

Lap 69 -- Penske Twins are still 9th and 10th and it's been FOUR LAPS. In-car of Marco going past Sarah and waving or something. Not sure what that was. Looked more friendly than the fist shake. Marco, she's engaged, OK? Simmer down.

Another I am MINDY montage.

Lap 75 -- Wheldon, Dixon, Kanaan, Vitor, Simmons (!), Scheckter, Hornish, Herta, Helio, Sharp. Danica 14th. Sarah 17th.

Lap 76 -- Simons is still FIFTH. Let's get up to speed with a race summary -- Chippy and Penske are battling it out, Kanaan third (all huge news flashes), Vitor loves life but has seven career second place finishes. (Note: Marco says second is SHIT.)

ABC goes down the field here. Punch -- Sam is totally hacked after getting sent back to 9th. Now up to 5th.

Jack -- Vision Twins (Ed and Scheckter) are working together even though Ed is one lap down. Simmons is the lone RLR success so far. Trying to stay within sight of the leaders.

Jamie -- Herta having a stressful year. Jack -- Matsuura is adjusting everything he can in the car. Punch -- Marco started 18th and ran toward the front. No changes in his car last pit stop. Maybe a little too free now.

Danica is 14th. Sarah is 17th.

Lap 90 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Debris. ABC shows us a guy picking up crap off the track to convince us this isn't a "yellow to let everyone bunch up and make it nicer for the viewers." Been known to happen.

Lap 96 -- Green. Danica has issues with her head rest. A little piece of rubber that's right where her head sits against the car. Rusty thinks it may be a safety issue. Will probably replace it at the next pit stop. Speculation that Jeff Simmons or the RLR crew was down there prying on it before the race. (OK, made that last sentence up.)

Right here my local ABC affiliate busts into programming to tell me there are thunderstorms in Iowa right now. News flash on the level of "Penske is leading." Never break into a race unless their is a tornado in my personal front yard, OK?

Lap 100 -- Hornish, Kanaan, Wheldon, Dixon, Vitor, Scheckter, Marco, Helio, Danica, Herta. Sarah 15th.

Booth guys, not sure which one, say this is a big race for Sam since the next race is a road race and he's not a big road racer.

Lap 106 -- Simmons and Danica go side-by-side. Look for lightening.

Lap 109 -- Race Summary -- Hornish leads. Marco 18th to 7th (he's a SUPER DRIVER I tell you), Sarah is 15th and turning laps at 215. Danica 12th.

Rusty -- TK looks steady. After the first pit stop, his car really took off and can stay with the Penske Twins.

Lap 115 -- Jerry -- Sam on the radio asked if he can do something to the car that concerns the rev limiter. There is a hard and a soft rev limiter apparently. Here's where the booth and pit guys spend about five minutes talking about the difference between the hard and soft rev limiter that makes no sense to the average person, nor do we care, frankly.

Lap 120 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Matsuura into the wall. All alone and lost it. Ass-first into the wall, but not a hard hit at all. Goodyear is all over it. Got into the gray (otherwise known as the dreaded "marbles") and the car got out from under him.

Pits are open. Sarah in. Sam in and gets a 7-SECOND pit stop. Shut. Up. Same deal for Dan and Dixon. Chipster's pit posse is working it hard today, baby.

Video of tire marks on the track. Still photos of Steve Wallace, Rusty's 19-year-old, burning out after he won something. Blew the tires up. Set them on fire. Dramatic. Rusty calls it a "crazy burn out." Video of Sam throwing out the first pitch at the Cincinnati Reds game. High and inside.

We got SAFER barrier damage so it's going to be an extendo yellow. Gonna be 15 laps, as a matter of fact.

Lap 128 (under yellow) Herta leads. Stayed out. Had the fastest three laps of the race up until now.

Rusty on the CB down to Herta. You got your ears on, come back? Herta does and says he's gambling with staying out because his car is fast in clean air but sucks in traffic. Roll the dice and stay out. Rusty asks if they can fix the problem during pit stops. Rusty is a big believer that you can fix anything on an Indy Car with pit-stop wing adjustments. Herta says it's as fixed as it's getting.

Jerry -- Helio voluneers at the Miami Rescue Mission a few times a week. Took some residents to the Homestead race. Said if he wins the points championship he'll bring the trophy down to the center for everyone to eyeball. Props to Helio.

Little Girls montage featuring old video of Sarah and Danica talking about going fast. I think the music was "Thank Heaven for Little Girls."

Jamie says Dan Wheldon went to the X Games with Jamie's ultra-smoking hot friend, Kristie, and was in awe of it. Jamie is a big X gamer.

Lap 135 -- GREEN. Herta leads but for how long?

Lap 137 -- Wheldon looking high.

Lap 139 -- Three-wide. Rusty says the cars "so fast and so devilishly close." Wheldon around Herta at lap 139.

Lap 140 -- Wheldon, Herta, Hornish, Dixon, Helio, Dario, Kanaan, Vitor, Dario, Scheckter. Danica 11th. Sarah 14th.

Three-wide some more. Spotter: "Inside and outside, still three-wide."

Rusty says three-wide isn't a good plan if they want to leave the rest of the pack. "They might look pretty, Marty, but they're not going anywhere."

Lap 145 -- Penske twins are now third and fourth. Rusty says people are getting lined up now and that will make them faster. Penske and Ganassi could go four-wide and still beat everyone, is the thing. Dixon is fifth and trying to get up to help Wheldon who leads.

Jamie -- Herta will have to pit somewhere around lap 155 to 160. Herta now in fourth. Rusty says it's "Mr Feel Good" time sitting up in front.

Lap 149. Danica ninth! Top 10! Booth is excited.

Lap 157-- Report that Matsuura got looked at by the doc and is fine.

Video of Sam saying it's about making it to the end of the race. Not real conservative but not real aggressive either.

Rusty estimates there are 50,000 to 60,000 in the stands. Hope he's right.

Lap 162 -- Herta pits. Takes on a few seconds of fuel just to get to the end.

Lap 175 -- Wheldon, Hornish, Helio, Dixon, Kanaan, Danica, Scheckter, Marco, Meira, Dario. Sarah 12th.

Rusty says if the IRL allowed blocking like NASCAR then Wheldon would win. But they don't allow blocking here. No they don't, Rusty. I wonder which would be the more exciting finish? Blocking-enabled or blocking-disabled? I think we know the answer to that.

Sarah getting lapped. She moves down to let the leaders go because she's like that. Robbie "Increda" Buhl is her spotter! Robbie's voice gets air.

Rusty says the spotters are doing a good job getting the leaders through the traffic.

16 laps to go. Danica pits. Four tires and a splash. Does Danica's RLR pit team all have Motorola phones on their belts? No, wait. They don't. That was just my imagination.

Wheldon is in. Holy screw up! Wheldon didn't pull in close enough to the wall so they have to roll the car back at an angle until the fueler can get to it. Nice work, Danno! I'm waiting for the pit boss to go stalking off to his trailer talking about "gifting another one to Penske." Jamie tells us that Dan stopped too soon and screwed up. It's possible that Dan won't want to hang with her at the X-Games or Espys now. Probably not, though. I look forward to Jamie's What I Did with Dan report next week

Fuelers for Helio and Hornish get air time! Names mentioned on National TV. Love showing love for the pit crew.

Lap 190 -- Dixon, Hornish, Helio, Sharp (!), Vitor, Kanaan, Scheckter, Wheldon, Dario, Danica. Sarah 13th.

Lap 192 -- Marco into the grass! Marco coming in to pit was going to fast and went ass-around. No yellow, but an extendo pit stop. Fill him up and send him out. Bring him back and look at the back of it.

Lap 192 -- Yellow yellow yellow. Sharp coming out of the pit goes around. What is with the pit in and pit out circus music today? Must have ice on those pit in and out roads.

Lap 195 -- Dixon, Hornish, Helio, Vitor, Kanaan, Scheckter, Wheldon, Danica, Dario, Herta. Sarah 12th.

Lap 196 -- GREEN. It's a trophy dash, baby. Hornish gets around Dixon on the restart.

Three to go -- Rusty says Wheldon shot himself in the foot and it wasn't his crew's fault. He'll have to take some responsibility for that one.

Sam is going to win barring air strike.

White flag. Sam wins. Rusty predicts Wheldon is beating on something in his car right now. Sam's fourth win this season. 8th for Roger this year (out of 12 races. Welcome to the Penske Bitchslapping).

Lap 200 -- Hornish, Dixon, Helio, Wheldon, Kanaan, Vitor, Scheckter, Danica, Dario, Herta. Sarah 12th.

Down to Punch with Sam -- Sam -- Little bit of bad break early. Back through the field and got up to the front. Catch Scott at the end. Guys gave me awesome pit stops all day long.

Points -- Sam leads. Helio is 7 back. Dan is 24 back.

ABC is short on time (or has gone over their window) so they're out of there. Damn extendo yellow for the SAFER barrier repair! See ya on 8/27 at "Sears Point "as Rusty likes to call it.

Turned on the IMS radio network on my computer in time to hear Danica complaining about everyone blocking her, including Kanaan. Said she could see Kanaan looking in his mirror as she approached. Danica is looking for a zebra call. Dario Franchitti is likely savoring the irony of Danica accusing someone of blocking. (See Nashville.) Maybe Kanaan was "defending."

Ed admits screwing up on his out-lapand toasting his great chance at a great finish. Sarah -- finished where we qualified. Had no straight-away speed. Restarts were great, pick off some spots, then lose them back. Figure it out and have a better car for whoever gets in it at Chicago.

This just in from Sarah's peeps: She's in for Chicago. Get your tickets. The pressdog will be in the house at Chicagoland!

Next race is at Infineon, 3:30 p.m. eastern, 8/27, ESPN. Tune in or be a loser!

Jeff Simmons Dishes and Represents on Life in the IRL

The ultra-wired MoneyCJ, kingpin of the most-excellent IRL blog, So. Damn. Indy. has busted through to Jeff Simmons, driver of the Rahal Letterman Racing #17 ethanolmobile. Money put some questions to Jeff who fired back in a candid fashion. Included is this nugget about Jeff's interaction with Danica Patrick:

"I've talked to Danica a lot of times, but after some things I heard she was saying on the radio in Michigan ..." Race to So. Damn. Indy. for the rest of that most-def answer right now!

And everyone rush out and fill up with 10% ethanol-blended fuel (E10). Works great in all cars built after 1980.

Fans Express Relief that Andretti Green Finally Gets Some Much-Needed Cash

Note to the gullible. AGR and Danica did get $21 million from Motorola, but the rest is fiction.

Indy Racing League fans around the country reacted with sighs of relief Wednesday at news that Andretti Green Racing would get $21 million over the next three years.

"Thank God," said one fan. "I was worried that Andretti Green might have to start eating at thee-star restaurants rather than the four-star places. Whew. That was close."

In a story first reported by Robin Miller on Speedtv.com, AGR and their driver, Danica Patrick (5-1, 100 pounds) will get $7 million a year for three years from Motorola starting in 2007. The news comes just in time for AGR which was said to be down to its last $100 million. Danica is rumored to get $3 meeeeeeyon dollars a year out of the deal.

"Great news for one of the truly deserving teams," said a member of the Dreyer and Reinbold Racing team who declined to be identified. "We were thinking of sharing our Army-surplus Meals Ready to Eat (MREs) with them, but now I guess they can afford their regular table at Che' Fru Fru."

AGR officials said the announcement of more cash for them will undoubtedly put Danica on the podium in 2007, if not into the winner's circle. "And, as a bonus, it's going to be easier to get a 'top 10' when car counts are down to 14 or so," the AGR officials said. "I can't see a downside."

In a related announcement, the once-mighty Hemelgarn Racing announced plans for the crew to sell its blood plasma and launch a recyclable printer cartridge collection campaign to "maybe at least get the hauler half way to Indy next year." Hemelgarn won the 1996 Indy 500 and the 2000 IRL points championship but is currently "belly up."

Open-wheel Leaders Stung by Success of Movie Talladega Nights

Continuing note: Once again, everything below is made up

Indy Racing League officials Monday said they were stunned at the success of the NACAR-focused comedy Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and revealed they had scrapped a similar movie revolving around open-wheel racing months ago.

The open-wheel version was to be called Sparta Afternoons: the Legend of Wilbur Fitzhue and focus on a 5' 4", 121-pound Kentucky farm boy who defies the odds and overcomes obstacles in order to race with the Indy Racing League at Kentucky Speedway in Sparta, KY.

"We were working on a script for a movie that would have been remarkably similar to Talladega Nights (which opened on Aug. 4 and made $47 million in two days) probably a year ago, but we had to scrap it. We just couldn't make it work," said an IRL insider who asked not to be named. The insider said film producers even had some preliminary talks with IRL Rookie of the Year Sensation Danica Patrick (5' 1", 100 pounds) to play herself in the film.

The insider said the film was plagued by trouble from the outset. Some on the project were still gun shy after the last major open-wheel racing film, the disastrous 2001 debacle Driven starring Sylvester Stallone.

The project was also plagued with anality, like a faction insisting that the film spend 20-plus minutes on wing angles and lobbying to make fuel strategy a major plot turning point or using the film to "introduce a wider audience into the subtle beauty of road racing."

But the main sticking point was the inability for the writing committee to suspend its disbelief in when it came to elements crucial to making a film with general appeal.

"For example," the insider said, "When someone suggested that Wilbur go from the farm to the IRL, everyone asked 'Well, where does Wilbur get 1.5 million dollars? Because everyone knows you ain't going from the farm to the IRL without bringing 1.5 million dollars with you. So where does he get it?' We got into a whole big thing. Every time I suggested that Wilbur gets there based on his talent alone, the room just burst into laughter for upwards of 20 minutes. Same deal when it came to having him race an unsponsored car at Kentucky. Nobody could even imagine that could happen, even in fiction."

The insider said the original idea was to have the final race scenes be at the Indy 500, but nobody could suppose, even hypothetically, even after multiple beers, that someone could run the 500 without a sponsor and/or a check for $1.5 million. So the final location was changed to Kentucky just to try and salvage the concept.

"In the end, it was a dead deal," the insider said. "I knew it was over when someone suggested Danica play a hoty cocktail waitress who longs to drive Indy Cars and said maybe she saved her tips for seven years to get a ride. At that point I just started drinking heavily."

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Note from the pressdog: Sam Hornish fans, get your Sammy Shammy and support the Shriner's Hospitals. Check it out on ebay.

Sarah Fisher Announcement Sets off Pants-Wetting Epidemic

Note: Sarah is back in the IRL for at least one race, but the rest is made up.

The makers of Depend undergarments reported a run on supplies early Thursday afternoon as word came out that Sarah Fisher will return to the Indy Racing League on Aug. 13.

As the news flashed across leading IRL-related sites like So Damn Indy and My Name is IRL, the makers of Depend reported servers crashing around the country as Fisher Fans went online to order protection against sudden bladder release.

"I've been wearing some super-absorbent undergarments for the last couple of days just in case," said one hard-core Fisher Fan who asked not to be identified. "Good thing, too, because I was in a meeting when someone slipped me a note that said 'Sarah is in for KY.' I pretty much dropped my water on the spot. Next thing I knew I woke up on the meeting room floor, but my pants were dry as a bone"

Others weren't so fortunate. "When you're sitting in the dental chair getting your teeth cleaned you don't expect that kind of thing to come onto SportsCenter," said another Fisher Fan. "Thank god those chairs are easy-to-clean vinyl."

Fans are apparently ordering the garments to guard against water droppage caused by the mounting excitement as the race approaches.

IRL message boards immediately lit up with speculation of whether or not Sarah would get into a pit-road brawl with IRL Rookie of the Year Sensation Danica Patrick (5-1, 100 pounds). Fisher's peeps insisted this wasn't a Danica thing and that Sarah had no problem with Danica. In fact, they say, Danica and Sarah are, in fact, entirely separate people who have virtually nothing in common except gender.

But Gunter Yugoff, Vice President of Spontaneity for the IRL, said he hopes there are at least some sparks there. "I mean, after all, the little one (Danica) did say that Sarah has 'some trouble with the racing part of it,' back in 2004, did she not?" Yugoff said. "I think I might just follow Sarah around all day and remind her of that."

Yugoff praised the move to bring Fisher into the league to compete with Danica. "Awesome. Given the fact that Danica dropped major F-bombs last week after running out of gas with two laps to go, I think we got some potential for emotion and spontaneity here." Yugoff said "If I hear another driver interview that starts with 'It's a real shame,' I may attack somebody."

The Kentucky race is scheduled to air on Sunday, Aug. 13 at 3:30 p.m. eastern on ABC.

Notes from the 2006 CCWS San Jose Grand Prix

Notes taken during the NBC broadcast of the San Jose Grand Prix presented by Taylor Woodrow on 7/30/06.

Intro montage: AJ Allmendinger has won three. Sebastien Bourdais has won four. Justin Wilson has won one. Who will win this week? Video of cars getting airborne over railroad tracks in the race course last year. Rick Benjamin -- It looked like a motocross course!

Derek Daly and Rick Benjamin on camera. Double D -- last year the track was just awful. Paul Tracy says this year's track is 200% better.

Jan Beekhuis with Bourdais. Brilliant qualifying. Bourdais -- the Mag-donalds car should be OK for the start.

Cameron Steele with the Forsythe boys. AJ qualified third and Tracy qualified second. Cameron wants to know if Tracy will take out Bourdais on lap 1 turn 1. Tracy says probably not.

Jan with Justin Wilson. Video of Justin going nose-first into the tire wall all by himself during qualifications. Justin - got to get through turn one and be patient. He thinks people will sit back and wait to see what shakes out. Wait to see what kind of pace Bourdais sets. Wilson is in row six on the start thanks to going nose-first into the tires.

Gimme Some Lovin' montage with Wilson video from Edmonton.

Michelle Beisner. Guns are out! Friday night was the unveiling of the new Panoz DP01 chassis. Built for more passing, faster speeds and less cost. Friday night VIP driver party when the car was unveiled was a tough ticket. Video of the unveiling. Paul Newman sitting in the car.

Derek -- New car rocks. More affordable. Good news for encouraging more competition. Don't need as big of a pile of cash for equipment.

AJ's hometown is not far from San Jose. DD -- he has his aunties and his uncles and grandma, granddad, neighbors, over here to support AJ.

Starting line up. Bourdais on the pole! Color me shocked. Tracy, AJ, Cristiano "What's" da Matta, Oriol Servia, Will Power, Bruno Junqueria, Andrew Ranger, Dan Clarke, Mario Dominguez, Nelson Philipe, Justin Wilson, Alex Tagliani, Charles Zwolsman, Katherine Legge, Jan Heylen, Nicky Pasterelli. Seventeen whole cars!

Let's light this candle.

Yellow yellow yellow. Total jail break at the start. Hey, we're all professionals here. Go around and try again.

Rick -- this was a mistake-filled weekend. Montage of drivers saying the word "mistake." DD -- One of the biggest mistakes is people brake too late.

Try again to start, this time single file. Cue the circus music. Tracy jumps the start. Turn 1. AJ gets his wing mashed when he drives into the back of Bourdais. Derek -- "Grandma didn't want to see that."

Yellow Yellow Yellow. Bruno and Oriol in turn 1 (lap 2 or 3). Replay shows Will power "drop kicking" Bruno and then Oriol is screwed. Will comes out the best of the three. Rick -- If you're Bruno, you just can't buy a break this year.

Replay of Will going sideways into the wall at about 150 mph in Edmonton where the CBS camera guy had to bail out.

Race control says Bourdais should be in front. Tracy jumped the restart. No penalty, just putting Tracy back in P2 and Bourdais in P1.

Lap 4 -- Pits are open.

We go green while at a commercial. Lap 7 -- Ranger 4th. DD likes the decision by race control to put Tracy in P2 rather than making him do a drive through for a penalty of something.

Speedy Dan is 5th.

Jan with Neil Micklewright of Forsythe. Neil didn't see the replay but thinks the penalty was a mistake.

Tracy .2 per lap slower than Bourdais.

DD -- "Dan Clarke we know he has the speed but he throws the thing into the bushes too many times. When he settles down he'll be a real contender."

Rick -- Will Power got a black flag and a drive through penalty for punting Bruno. He'll be in 14th.

Clarke is behind Ranger. Working on it. Bourdais turns a 51.3-second lap. Dan turns a 51.2-second lap. Keith Wiggins, co-owner of Dan's team. "It's easier to control a fast driver and try to slow him down the other way around. Learning to pace it but he's still aggressive, which is good."

Speedy Dan Montage. Carnage. Edmonton qualifying crash and then the car is on fire. DD - "that's just a barbecue." Dan punting Jan "Van" Heylen into the tires.

Cristiano montage. Nose first into the wall at Edmonton.

DD -- "The only thing in racing that doesn't lie is the stopwatch." Dan just set the fastest lap of the race.

Lap 20 -- Tracy back to 4th. Katherine Legge has a flat left front. Limping around to the pit.

Mario fifth. Bourdais sets fastest lap. Jan with Bruno -- Power bad exit based inside ... I cannot understand what Bruno is saying. Seriously. Not following it.

Lap 22 -- Cristiano and Dan for second. Dan sponsored by CTE which stands for Cedric the Entertainer. Cedric is in the house with his entourage.

Cameron -- Ranger pits. Complains of being loose. Back on the black tires. Has done from 4th to 9th.

Video or Katherine Legge and Andy Ranger smacking each other. DD -- "Andrew Ranger mugged Katherine Legge."

Lap 25 -- Beisner. Drifting is very popular. Drifting is controlled sliding in a car. Exciting to watch.

Lap 31 -- Clarke takes da Matta in turn 1. DD -- "Hold onto your hollyhocks here and tighten down the belts because we are moving."

Derek says a laser-driven diamond grinder has been used on the streets to get the course more smooth this year.

Bourdais is running away.

DD -- "Did you see AJ almost give grandma a heart attack when he got it sideways there?"

Lap 44 -- Wilson working on Mario for seventh. Onboard with Wilson. Wilson has to stay calm in the back. NBC shows section times which are meaningless to viewers. He's faster in certain parts of the race track, but what are the parts? No context.

AJ goes around da Matta for sixth. DD --"Grandma's on the whiskey! We need to strap her down because AJ is making some brave moves out there."

Jan -- da Matta had trouble fueling in the pit. Fuel guy had to come back out and go back in because he failed to seat it. Trouble. Lost time.

Derek -- "Allmendinger is completely wrapped in red, white and blue."

Jan -- Tracy claiming that Dan Clarke is leaking something. DD -- he's leaking adrenalin. Rick says he sees smoke coming off of Dan's car. Cameron reports there was an oil leak earlier in Dan's car, but they thought they had it fixed. May be some residual oil left over from that leak.

Lap 49 -- Tracy up to third.

Lap 50 -- Speedy Dan is BLOWN up, SIR! in turn 1. Gear box is toast. Dan gets out and kicks the right rear. DD -- Love to see emotion like that. Dan, you're entitled to do that."

Tag suddenly his no front wing. He's been denosed by someone. Tacy! Replay shows Tracy goes into the run off turns around, comes barreling out and smucks Tags. DD -- "That has to be the dumbest, most dangerous thing I've seen Paul Tracy do in years. Better get down on your knees, Paul, and apologize for that."

Tag in the pits. Camera guy is following him. Tag still has his helmet on. DD -- "Uh oh. I think (Tag) is walking to Paul. He wants him! "

Tag catches up to Tracy. "I have no f*cking cars left!" F-bomb! You had to listen close. Tags is pushing on him. Tracy is trying to keep walking. More pushing.

Rick -- At least Tag was smart and kept his helmet on.

Back to the video. Tag is walking away in front of Tracy. Turns around. Comes back at Tracy. Pushing on Tracy. Tracy telling him to stop. It's GO TIME. Tracy throws a big punch at Tag who has a helmet on. Work the body, Paul. We cut away to the race.

Lap 55.

Walker team comes down to restrain Tag. Gotta wonder where the Champ Car officials are. Give Tracy credit for putting up with more shoving and grabbing from Tag than a lot of people would have. Sure, Tracy made an idiot move, but Tag needs to get a grip after a few minutes of yelling.

AJ will be penalized for a pit road violation. Came in when pits were closed. Might have wanted to get a better look at the fight.

DD -- PT's was one of the most astounding moves I have seen for many years.

Lap 59 -- Rick "We're getting ready to page Don King here on the public address system."

Mazda Recap -- Carnage. Turn one circus music. We got cars going up over other cars in a Tracy-over-Bourdais-like fashion. Graham Rahal into the tires on his own.

Back to the race. Restart craziness. Da Matta about gets driven over. Legge gets smacked. Legge is about seven laps down so she's moving over. Bourdais is behind Zwolsman who did not pit. Oriol did not pit either, so he leads. Zwolsman second. Bourdais can't get around him.

Jan with PT -- I had braking problems. Went into the run off. Spun it around. Thought I could get out in front of Tagliani. Pulled out and ran right into him. Pit fight -- Tag started grabbing me. I said I was sorry. Grabbing me some more. I said stop grabbing me. He kept grabbing and shaking and I had to defend myself.

Over to Cameron with Tag -- I have the guys keep repairing cars. Disappointed. Really unfortunate. Having the boys working this hard again. It's not like we have a bunch of spare (cars).

Replay of the pull out. DD is fully into it now. "He should STOP right here. STOP. STOP. Goes straight -- boom -- into Tagliani. "

Wilson is 5th.

Lap 65 -- Dust is clearing from the fracas. DD counsel's Bourdais not to make any brave moves behind Zwolsman because Zwolsman will have to pit soon.

Lap 67 -- reminded that Z was the Atlantics champion last year. This boy knows how to drive (DD).

Shifter cam onboard with AJ. Lap 72 -- DD -- Grandma is half way through the bottle of whiskey and AJ is still not in the top 10. At this point, with all that whiskey in her, I doubt grandma cares.

Discussion of how the new Panoz car will rock with a paddle shifter on the wheel so drivers don't have to take their hands off the wheel to shift.

Serbia is about seven seconds ahead. Bourdais around Zwolsman! Video of Bourdais going around the outside of Zwolsman for a pass.

Lap 77 -- onboard with AJ who misses the turn in on about three turns in a row. DD - "Gotta be careful here, AJ, grandma is in the grandstand watching you."

Lap 80 -- Many flat spots in practice and qualifying here. People brake late and then lock them up.

Lap 82 -- Servia in. No tires and just a splash.

Yellow Yellow Yellow. Ranger is into the wall. Him and Katherine got together in turn one. Legge inside and Ranger outside. Derek didn't see Katherine do anything wrong. Rick mentions that Katherine was 7 laps down and Ranger was on the lead lap. Derek says then maybe she should have let him go. Legge had been warned not to challenge faster cars since she was so far back.

Ranger gives her the gesture as she comes by the wreck scene. Katherine better watch out because Ranger might chase her down like Tag chased down Tracy. Go time with Katherine! She's British and seems to have some rage issues recently, so I'd think twice, Andy.

Beisner. Guns out again. Second annual Cabana Gala to benefit the Canary Fund. Not sure if anyone told me what the Canary Fund is. Some kind of charity, of course, but what kind? At this gala people got to come down and look at hot and exotic sports cars.

12 to go. Can AJ get a top 5. Mike Cannon doesn't think so. Claims race control said pits were open before they came down.

Will da Matta make it easy for teammate Wilson? Wilson is third, da Matta is second. Wilson is in the points championship hunt. Da Matta is not.

Restart. Green Green Green.

Lap 87 -- Jan with Carl Russo of RuSPORT which is the team for both da Matta and Wilson. Please, no talk about kissing Paul Newman on the mouth. Jan -- any team orders? Carl -- No. We're committed to not having team orders. Don't think CDW wants to go to the front that way and neither do we.

Carl is the master of the sponsor mention. That was art. DD and Rick both give shout outs to RuSPORT for no team orders.

10 to go. Nelson is trying to make a move on Wilson for third.

9 to go. Power to pass graphic. Unreadable. Seriously. I even got up close to the TV. Nothing.

8 to go. AJ loose off turn 6.

7 to go. Bourdais is driving with his knees right now. Rick gives Nicky and Rocketsports a shout out for their impending top 10. Doing a better job week by week.

6 to go. Bourdais is 3.5 seconds ahead. Da Matta faster than Wilson.

5 to go. Onboard with Zwolsman.

4 to go. Boudais turns a 49.7, fastest of the race. Rick says Bourdais has said "see-ya."

Street fight between Philipe, Dominguez, Wilson and AJ.

Shout outs to the race track again.

2 to go. Nelson is 4th. Settling for it.

AJ working on Will Power.

White flag -- Bourdais has about 9 second on everyone. He's going to win barring an air strike.

Bourdais wins. 7.6 ahead of da Matta. Power holds off AJ. Doughnuts coming from Bourdais. Derek is the doughnut judge now. Gives Bourdais low marks. Claims its more like a French croissant. Bourdais goes for another set of doughnuts. Derek gives these high marks. The Lolas are way better at doughnuts than the Dallaras. Wonder if they will test the new Panoz for doughnutability.

Final -- Bourdais, da Matta, Wilson, Nelson, Dominguez, Power, AJ, Oriol, Zwolsman, Pasterelli.

Crash montage including Tags and PT going at it.

Bourdais with Jan. Bourdais -- really, really, really happy for the Mag-donald's team. Jan -- what about that move on Justin Wilson. Bourdais looks confused -- Only move I made was to pass Zwolsman. Proved to be useless because he pitted soon after. So that one was just for fun. Good to put on a show for the fans. Jan -- what about the restart with Tracy jumping and getting put back? (Are you sure it was Tracy, Jan? Kidding.) Bourdais thought that was good. It wasn't a fair start.

Bourdais leads the points. Wilson is 31 back. AJ is 45 back.

Many interviews with many drivers here who say the same stuff. Interview with Legge. Sporting some large-yet-feminine shades. Katherine says everyone was driving insane out there. She got smacked many times. Says Ranger drove into her. Seems pissed.

Tune in to SPEED at 3:30 eastern Aug. 13 for the Denver Street Fight.